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Original poster

He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

594 replies

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 15:46

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 27/05/2024 16:44

I would have probably replied with a short no thanks message on Saturday, but not replying was fine too.

His second message marks him down as a wanker, so you are well rid of him now!

Blubbled · 27/05/2024 16:51

FartSock5000 · 27/05/2024 15:54

@Utopiana chuck him back. He's not a good 'un.

He made plans with you and could have taken you with him or called and apologised and arranged to meet you later. Instead he chose an impersonal text then got mad when you didn't chase after him to accommodate his booty call after.

He's the rude one. You can do better.

This!
I think his mates asked him to go out on the lash and he was lining you up for a leg-over later, as others have said, but I also think this was the beginning of manipulation; he was testing you out to see if he could get away with it. When you blanked him, (as I would have done, bloody cheek of him!), he's had a little patronising tantrum at you because he's annoyed that you have too much cop-on to let him away with such shabby treatment and fair bloody play to you!!
I don't like the sound of it, nor him, at all! It'd only going to get worse if you were to bother with this poor excuse for a man again!
Just blank, block and delete him, you're worth better!

AGlinnerOfHope · 27/05/2024 16:54

Ah, sorry. Went out on the town and totally forgot to reply.

Blubbled · 27/05/2024 16:55

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 16:36

Thanks everyone, my friend has commented I was “too harsh” but not really understanding why.

I don’t think it’s rude to not reply to rudeness.

I agree! Sometimes silence is the best response and this case is a good example. He's not even worth responding to!

TomatoSandwiches · 27/05/2024 16:57

Like Jose Mourinio says, you were rude but you were rude to an idiot.
I'd not reply to this little tantrum either, block and delete!

Pelham678 · 27/05/2024 16:59

nfkl · 27/05/2024 15:58

“you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

You totally have the right to go silent, you owe this lowlife nothing

He wanted for you to engage so he can downgrade you: train you to accept to be cancelled at short notice, accept the conversion into a sh*g, pressure you if you didn t accept, you did the right thing by taking your time, he immediately showed his true colours

Edited

This.

SamW98 · 27/05/2024 17:10

The only possible response is 👍

Opentooffers · 27/05/2024 17:17

An hours notice, no way. Unless family disaster or suddenly unwell, its not good enough. For a friend he's not that close to- otherwise he'd of known it was their birthday before the.
I'm thinking you're date could possibly have become a casualty of the FA Cup being on. Any chance he was out with the lads already and didn't want to leave (it's what I was doing tbh)? If he likes football, it would of been that. The arseness after is unacceptable, totally fair to be so unimpressed that you ignored it. I might of done so. Chuck him back, you're worth more than the thoughtless scraps he's offering.

pinkyredrose · 27/05/2024 17:21

OpusGiemuJavlo · 27/05/2024 15:58

Reply "Entitled much? You cancelled on me last minute as your mate was more important than our date. Given I have no interest in seeing you again I don't owe you anything, let alone ego-massaging communication"

Perfect

BettyBlueHat · 27/05/2024 17:25

Lifelong · 27/05/2024 15:57

Female conditioning demands she reply. 🙄
Screw that. He is rude and deserves zero response.
Well done OP, perfectly handled.

100%

he’s showing his true colours.

don’t reply to that either. Fucking cheek

Justleaveitblankthen · 27/05/2024 17:32

Go all passive aggressive on this arsehole. 11pm indeed!
Who does he think he is, The man with the Golden Cock?! 🤨

"Ah sorry to have upset you sweet cheeks, thought I had pressed Send. Not feeling it now though obviously babes. No offence and best wishes 🍀👋👋"

And block his arrogant Arse.

Lighteningstrikes · 27/05/2024 17:33

The audacity of this bloke, telling you off, is actually laughable.

You did absolutely nothing wrong.

At such short notice he didn't deserve a reply. Ever.

Next...

VJBR · 27/05/2024 17:34

Don’t give it another thought. And throw this one back!

Lighteningstrikes · 27/05/2024 17:34

@Justleaveitblankthen
I like your style 😁👏

Clickncollect · 27/05/2024 17:35

Love reading a thread where the OP has strong boundaries and not willing to put up with any crap. Well done OP, I think you’ve handled it perfectly.

ThatLibraryDebate · 27/05/2024 17:36

Damn right you didn't need to reply to his rudeness.

Your only mistake is not blocking him that night. You'll just have to make do with blocking him tonight instead.

DatingDinosaur · 27/05/2024 17:40

I would have replied saying thanks for letting me know but no thanks, enjoy your night.

And left it there. I wouldn't have tried to re-arrange - that would be on him.

So I can understand why he sent that second text. Yes, you did come across as rude and entitled. He had the decency (even if it was a lie/excuse) to message you to cancel/delay. That doesn't make it right to respond with silence, imo.

ThatLibraryDebate · 27/05/2024 17:43

When I was young and naïve I was being pursued by a guy who had been trying to arrange a date with me for a while, but he kept on trying to arrange it for at the end of his night out with his mates. I was foolish enough to to relent one night at 11pm after I had been on a night out myself. I wanted and thought we were going to have a getting to know you date - not surprisingly, he thought he was going to get his leg over. I have it on personal experience that blokes who want to go out with their mates first before meeting up with you see you only as a shag after they've enjoyed the night socially with their mates, and I hope that you have better self-esteem than to settle for being a convenient end of night shag.

StopStartStop · 27/05/2024 17:49

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish.
Not long enough for him to be making demands.

We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”
I 'feel' that he wants to go out with his mates and come round for a shag later. I 'feel' that he's a cunt. He's testing you - how much will you take? Answer - none. Great!

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay.
Maybe so.

Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.
Fabulous. Well done, that woman.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”
There's a level of threat there, isn't there. You need to, do you? Who says? Oh, him! You don't have to respond to ridiculous, disrespectful messages.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text?
You were 100% right. Block him!

Quitelikeit · 27/05/2024 17:51

I would have replied there and then to say you felt it was out of order cancelling last minute.

Whatineed · 27/05/2024 17:53

“you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

Thanks for admitting that you're not good enough for me!

Fuckybyebyes!

P. S. Was that communication nice and clear?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/05/2024 18:02

Not replying seems to really piss him off. Keep on not replying!

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2024 18:06

So refreshing to see a thread where women don't tolerate bullshit from men. Well done op. Keep your standards. I reckon never ever reply again. And don't even give him the pleasure of blocking him, no response ever will be a step further. I don't think this egotistical man can handle indifference.

Original poster
Utopiana · 27/05/2024 18:06

DatingDinosaur · 27/05/2024 17:40

I would have replied saying thanks for letting me know but no thanks, enjoy your night.

And left it there. I wouldn't have tried to re-arrange - that would be on him.

So I can understand why he sent that second text. Yes, you did come across as rude and entitled. He had the decency (even if it was a lie/excuse) to message you to cancel/delay. That doesn't make it right to respond with silence, imo.

Entitled how?

I felt like he had taken advantage of my time! I spent time getting ready and could have realistically had no other plans.

OP posts:
CanterburyClue · 27/05/2024 18:10

Free around 11pm? Would that be for a booty call?

Criticising your “communication skills” -from someone who nonchalantly cancels an hour before a date. Give me strength.

He sounds awful OP. Hope you didn’t get jiggy with him…