He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

[Utopiana]

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

He was rude as hell. I'm glad your standards are higher than accepting this. To still be so early in dating, his initial message is insincere and blithe and his follow up mardy. The "you need to accept my shitty behaviour but change what I think is shitty of yours" tone is an absolute red flag. If it were sincere he would suggest alternatives, not a post pub shag.

In your position I'd respond with "Looking at the bigger picture I don't think we're a good fit, or you can offer what I'm looking for. All the best - and no need to respond". Then block.

I don't take communication lessons from someone choosing to communicate that lesson via TEXT. Bloody hypocrite

This....and get sick....will tell you so much.

"Would be free around 11pm"

😂😅

Yeah, no. (and I don't think he's owed a reply to such a ridiculous text either)

Oh I LOVE this. Please send this to that idiot, op.

I would have replied, but don’t think I’d see him again.

Don’t listen to the ‘poor menz’ responses. You replied with the merit it deserved. ie no reply. God don’t men get chippy and vile when women don’t play their games? Fuck him off, the Btec Andrew Tate… you dodged a bullet.

The fact that he thinks he's getting the silent treatment rather than he's dumped is an indication of his arrogance and how he thinks it's absolutely fine to treat people like this.

Honestly I think you both did things that i would find off-putting. I'd be so peeved to have got ready only to get stood up for a friend's birthday, so youre not wrong to bin him for that. Plus his wording is yuck but hey ho. However I would also be peeved to message someone apolgising for cancelling and never hear back. His response to your lack of reply is dreadful. I imagine you're both feeling like you got a lucky escape. Obviously you are more justified in that as his behaviour is FAR worse; it's just that i really dislike ignoring as a form of communication. It feels childish to me. He also comes across as very unaware of how his actions might be perceived if he can turn round and be so condescending after standing you up. At least it came out only 2 months in!

As others have said, what an absolute twat. Chancing a booty call at 11pm lol. I wouldn't take "you need to communicate better" from pretty much anybody, let alone someone I'd been seeing for two months. How about:

Thanks for the tip. Will be working on my communication skills elsewhere. All the best.

Gosh I would have saved a lot of time and heartache doing that in my 20s!

"He'd have to show his face for a bit but could be about at 11"- that's four hours at the pub, that's not showing your face, that could be buying his DF a drink and leaving after an hour. You're stronger than me Op, I couldn't have ignored that, I'd have made in clear that 11pm was out of the question and I wasn't amused

Yup, this.
But we are not allowed to apparently, it's "playing games".

My grandmother told me this 40 years ago..she would be 124 today...she married a prince who loved her to bits for 50 years.

1. Say No to something firmly.
2. Get sick in the first 6 months...it sorts the men from the wasters.

Men hate being ignored...that's why silence is so powerful when dealing with twats....particularly when disposing of them!

Christ almighty please ignore the advice of the handmaidens on here!

Punished him for what? I'll tell you what. This is what went through his head...

"Oh drat - I'd rather go out with my mates and have a birthday piss-up, but I'm supposed to be seeing Utopiana. I'll have to cancel on her. Hang on, great idea, I'll tell her I can go round after 11pm, that way I get to see my mates AND get a fuck afterwards as well".

No self-respecting woman wants to be treated as a Plan B sex object.

Say no to a man early on in your relationship. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Totally agree with this.

I'd been with my partner for about 6 months when he did something similar. We had a sort of loose arrangement by then where it was assumed we would see each other at the weekend unless one us was invited put by friends.

He contacted me at 5pm on a Friday saying one of his friends had invited him round for a couple of hours but he could come round to mine at around 10pm.

Last minute cancellations wasn't something I aas happy with so I said I'd se him the following day but would spend the evening alone. Its not happened since.

I had known him and his friend for several years before we got together and I knew he hadn't seen this friend properly in a while so I didn't mind that part but the short notice - no.

I think he was wrong to send the last minute cancellation but I would have replied. I'm a bit on the fence about the arsey communication response because he wouldn't have sent it if the OP had replied to his first message and so, if he hadn't been thinking 'booty call' and had thought he was offering a compromise, being ignored would have looked rude.

At worst, he was just an absolute dick. At best, it was a miscommunication that didn't need to happen.

I just cant get past the way he's gone into 'teacher mode'. He clearly gets VERY annoyed when HE doesnt get what he wants.
I would deffo continue to ignore him, he does sound like an Andrew Tate acolyte.

Oh come on. A decent man would have picked up the phone and called to apologize instead of blowing her off via text. He would have made a better alternative plan than a thinly veiled late night booty call.

After only a few week's of dates, he has conveniently revealed his character. He thinks he is God's gift to women with that 'not good enough' comment. When patently, he is not.

but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I'm not sure that even needs a response tbh.

He cancelled the date at the last minute for a different/better offer.

What is there to say?

He's obviously pissed off he didn't get his own way & is perhaps perplexed as to why Op hasn't been chasing him & begging to see him!

Don't block him but don't answer. He will get enraged you have just blanked him altogether but not flounced and blocked!!

He might actually just have felt bad about double booking, not wanted to let a long standing friend down and offered what he thought was a compromise.

It's posters on here who have turned it into a booty call. No one actually knows. He might actually have liked her and just wanted to see her...

If that were the case, being ignored for 2 days was rude.

If short notice cancellations had become a thing, she'd have Ben right to ig ore but no one is perfect, people misread situations, and mistakes are made. On both sides. Not all men are dicks. If they were, no one would ever get married. All men are single and dating before they meet someone to settle down with.

I'm no male apologist and there are a lot of things I wouldn't accept even once but I do also accept people are human and, until they learn someone else's boundaries, they don't know them.

Dating gives people on both sides an opportunity to work put what is/isn't acceptable and what they will tolerate.

Depending on how far away they are it would surely have been better to meet before the party or be apologetic & rearrange?

Blocking implies energy being expended...nope...leaving on read or unread is king.