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Original poster

He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

594 replies

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 15:46

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

OP posts:
SamW98 · 29/05/2024 00:46

Doodleflips · 29/05/2024 00:42

She is not there to educate him, or anything else. He showed her who he was, so she stopped talking to him.
He was rude AF, and she owes him nothing.
only people with shit boundaries and low self esteem, or people pleasers think otherwise.

Edited
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This thread really has shown how so many women end up in shit relationships when right from the start, they tolerate men throwing them crumbs and are more concerned about not upsetting the nan who’s shown them zero respect than having boundaries.

.

OuijaBoard · 29/05/2024 00:47

I'd have replied "go see your friend; we'll make plans later for another day" or something like that. if it was a one-off, I might not be bothered, especially as I did something fun that night despite his late cancellation - although I'd prob tell him (face to face) that he needs to keep better track.

However, this: I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.” is a fucking huge red flag and I'd end it.

Doodleflips · 29/05/2024 00:51

SamW98 · 29/05/2024 00:46

This thread really has shown how so many women end up in shit relationships when right from the start, they tolerate men throwing them crumbs and are more concerned about not upsetting the nan who’s shown them zero respect than having boundaries.

.

Edited
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yep. It’s sad really :(

Tallisker · 29/05/2024 01:41

Not answering a rude text is not gaslighting.

likethislikethat · 29/05/2024 02:27

A decent guy wouldn't drop a girl who was already getting ready for a date to go with a mate.

He sounds like a child.

Dump and move on.

daisychain01 · 29/05/2024 02:51

How anyone thinks the OP is obliged to show respect to a bloke who says sorry you're less important to me than a mate, even though I'd already made a commitment to a date with you, is completely beyond me.

Respect has to be earned through actions not demanded or expected by clicking of fingers. I hope the OPs action gave him a rude awakening. He's probably conditioned to treating women like dirt, and didn't expect the OP to not be that bothered. Good for you @Utopiana serves him right!

bibop · 29/05/2024 02:52

You dealt with it perfectly, OP.

I feel sad for the people pleasers on here who gave you advice to the contrary because they are going to find themselves in bad relationships where they get used and abused, if they aren't already in that situation.

Either that or they're disrespectful blokes who think this behaviour is OK.

Biotinbooster · 29/05/2024 03:10

The message itself was passive aggressive and spoiling for a fight.

It wasn't cancelling a date politely,

it was setting the OP up so she had two options

  1. She could be polite/agree to the last minute shag meet (now she's a DOORMAT)
  1. Say something negative, be seen as unreasonable and have a massive text argument (now she's NEEDY/BITCH).

No reasonable person could reply without being painted as unreasonable.

Some of us had to learn boundaries and handling negative people/situations as adults, if we didn't develop these from our families.

Being polite or trying to engage with people who are clearly disrespectful/showing you contempt is a complete waste of time and energy.

Unless there's some huge reason you HAVE to stay in touch (two months of dates is not one) ignoring, detaching, blocking is generally best.

gindreams · 29/05/2024 04:01

Jumpers4goalposts · 28/05/2024 18:47

You should have just replied with a thanks but no thanks. Not replying at all is a bit childish.

You sound utterly ghastly

ChillysWaterBottle · 29/05/2024 04:16

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2024 15:52

You would have to have the absolute worst judgement and boundaries in the world to not block this fucking idiot immediately.

Perfectly put!

Jennybeans401 · 29/05/2024 05:01

I don't think it's rude not to reply when he's cancelled at the last minute expecting you to see him at 1am!!!

He sounds horrible and patronising. Get rid.

Jumpers4goalposts · 29/05/2024 07:31

gindreams · 29/05/2024 04:01

You sound utterly ghastly

Show quote history

So do you.

SnozPoz · 29/05/2024 07:38

The correct response would have been "Wow! That's very short notice. No thanks, I'm off out".
He liked the thought of having a woman waiting for him at home... not out having fun, potentially on the pull. But his response to your lack of response is a red flag. He should be apologising not criticising

Cloudylilac · 29/05/2024 07:56

Biotinbooster · 29/05/2024 03:10

The message itself was passive aggressive and spoiling for a fight.

It wasn't cancelling a date politely,

it was setting the OP up so she had two options

  1. She could be polite/agree to the last minute shag meet (now she's a DOORMAT)
  1. Say something negative, be seen as unreasonable and have a massive text argument (now she's NEEDY/BITCH).

No reasonable person could reply without being painted as unreasonable.

Some of us had to learn boundaries and handling negative people/situations as adults, if we didn't develop these from our families.

Being polite or trying to engage with people who are clearly disrespectful/showing you contempt is a complete waste of time and energy.

Unless there's some huge reason you HAVE to stay in touch (two months of dates is not one) ignoring, detaching, blocking is generally best.

Absolutely I think this is the issue - it was definitely a set up ! Even though I may possibly have replied I can imagine wasting precious time tying myself up in knots trying to think of the right words to say to let him know I wasn’t happy without boosting his ego or being painted as the one overreacting or needy or inflexible.

So on balance OP’s non-reply was a better course of action and (rightly) took less effort. If I’m ever confronted with this type of rudeness while dating I now know what to do 😂

When I was single I do remember one guy set up a pre-date phone call. On the day he began texting me saying things may run over as he was busy at work, but didn’t give a clear day to reschedule. He then texted again saying he couldn’t talk that evening . I ignored both texts and we never spoke again. I felt like he was trying to make himself Feel more important and really unless he’s a surgeon or something i expect him to be able to follow through On a simple call. He could even have made it a 15 minute call.

On another occasion when I pulled a guy up about not calling when he said he would, it just turned into a childish text fight.

So yeah I think not replying is definitely the appropriate response in some situations!

Fatchilli99 · 29/05/2024 08:05

OpusGiemuJavlo · 27/05/2024 15:58

Reply "Entitled much? You cancelled on me last minute as your mate was more important than our date. Given I have no interest in seeing you again I don't owe you anything, let alone ego-massaging communication"

This 🤣😍

Staniam · 29/05/2024 08:15

It's so refreshing to see someone who has self-respect and actual standards for male behaviour, OP. Well done!

pinkzebra02 · 29/05/2024 08:16

I've always wondered why there are so many shit men, but from some of the replies on this thread I can see it is partly because some women actually give them the time of day

Epidote · 29/05/2024 08:23

He was rude not telling you in advance. You were rude not replying. But he was way over the top lecturing you.
I would just block, it is rude to block? Yes, but will save you a lot of hassle.

Doodleflips · 29/05/2024 08:25

For those who think she was rude, go to insta and follow lovingmeafterwe
Partly because she has just posted a very similar scenario, and partly because, she’s very good, and you need to love yourself more, and do the work on yourself

category12 · 29/05/2024 08:26

pinkzebra02 · 29/05/2024 08:16

I've always wondered why there are so many shit men, but from some of the replies on this thread I can see it is partly because some women actually give them the time of day

Yep, it's socialisation to "be nice", "give him a chance", "benefit of doubt", "maybe he's bad at communicating", blah blah blah.

CandyLeBonBon · 29/05/2024 08:33

Epidote · 29/05/2024 08:23

He was rude not telling you in advance. You were rude not replying. But he was way over the top lecturing you.
I would just block, it is rude to block? Yes, but will save you a lot of hassle.

Why is it rude to block?

commonsense61 · 29/05/2024 08:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

yumyumyumy · 29/05/2024 09:29

Unless he has form for that I think it's a bit over the top to ignore then block but it's your choice. It was inconsiderate of him. Easy for posters to say BLOCK AND DUMP when it's not them. Oh well it's done now.

LucindaLucinda · 29/05/2024 09:38

I cannot believe how many posters have said you ought to have replied to his message. If he is genuinely so inept that he can't organise his social life, the very least he should have done was call the OP to apologise and offer another date. His text was rude and insufficient and OP did not owe this man a response.

This has all worked out perfectly as his follow-up text has revealed his true colours. OP, I would certainly never see him again. You deserve better. Please don't listen to those who are telling you that you were rude as you've done nothing wrong. Check out Burned Haystack Dating method which will confirm you did the right thing to block this one.

category12 · 29/05/2024 09:39

yumyumyumy · 29/05/2024 09:29

Unless he has form for that I think it's a bit over the top to ignore then block but it's your choice. It was inconsiderate of him. Easy for posters to say BLOCK AND DUMP when it's not them. Oh well it's done now.

It's only a 2 month relationship. Surely he should be showing his best self in these early days of dating?

Why wait for him to acquire more "form" for bad behaviour?

Crikey, people often end up saying to women, but "why did you put up with that?!" when there were disrespectful incidents from the start .. it's probably due to this social pressure to give poorly behaved, ill-mannered men chances they don't deserve.