He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

[Utopiana]

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

You handled it perfectly, OP. Clearly you have good boundaries. You gave him the response he deserved, which was none. It is beyond insulting to waste someone's time, cancel at the last minute because you've had a better offer, and to top it off, suggest you hang around all night in case he fancies a shag after his party. That is staggeringly disrespectful and it's mind-blowing that there are women so brainwashed and conditioned as to think that men like this deserve a "thanks for letting me know" and that you were rude for ignoring and blocking. It would be funny were it not so depressing.

Well done OP.

At very least I would have expected an apologetic phone call and a properly enticing offer to make amends. He’s not worth another minute of your time.

You've done the right thing. If he'd genuinely made a mistake he could have apologised and suggested a meet up.

Instead he chose to admonish you for not accepting his booty call gratefully.

Fuck that.

I’m amazed at the number of people saying you should have replied.

You played it perfectly OP.

I would’ve replied with a thumbs up emoji. Then nothing. Don’t bother with this guy, fancy asking you to meet up after 11!

Please send this!!

If only there was a way of giving feedback about these wankers.

I think he was correct.

I think he needs to dump you.

You are guessing what went on.
No, I am not going to read 20 pages.

There was a website in US called “don’t date him, girl.” It was pretty brutal!

It’s not about keeping him happy at all. It’s about her being upfront and just saying it how it is. Look we are going to have to agree to disagree here as it is just going backwards and forwards and you’re not gonna change my mind and I’m not going to change yours.

I agree with Dangerrabbit. Keep silent and block. Do not respond. You don’t want to open up any further communication. He doesn’t know where you live?

Handled perfectly I agree, and of course the second message must be ignored too :-)

If people act disrespectfully, feeling your feelings, but just being silent is a perfect response - imagine bloke was looking forward to some dramatic discussion over WhatsApp in which he could paint the OP as needy and manipulate her.

When disrespectful people say "communication" that's what they mean - they want an opportunity to goad and gaslight the other person whilst trying to dominate them.

Silence communicates "you clearly have bad intentions, this interaction does not serve me, I am moving on with my life" which is why it winds them up.

Good on you for not replying! He basically stood you up and then wanted a booty call.

Those making excuses for this silly boy need to raise their standards.

I think we've found the bootie caller!

OP, none of us were there for those two months but I just know that you've made the right choice in ignoring. You already knew in your gut that if you were to get dragged into a discussion it'd end up in a debate or an argument. You know the guy well enough to know this - yet so many choose to ignore this. His response told you everything you needed to know, if there was any remaining doubt. A negging weirdo asshole who thinks 'shit, she had the audacity to see through me, I'd better come in all accusatory and strong to put her on the back foot'.
Because no, it's not normal to 1. cancel on someone an hour before and still expect them to wait around and 2. to expect to get shamed on top of it.

It's mindblowing to me how there is a woman here with perfectly well functioning boundaries and so many try to talk her out of having them. Misinformed friends and weirdly triggered others. They'll happily overlook this guy's behaviour and try to make her feel wrong for seeing it. Ignore those posters OP, I know that you'll be alright.

If you think you’re too important to read the thread, you’re nowhere near important enough for your opinion to count.

@CandyLeBonBon
😂😂😂

Torn on this one, my people-pleasing tendencies want to do a light and breezy "No worries, but that doesn't work for me", but in reality if he wants to dump you 1 hour before you meet then the correct response is actually silence.

"You need to learn that when you cancel a date at the last minute, that you can't downgrade it to a booty call. I've got more self respect"

I would probably have just replied "no thanks". Other than that I would have acted just like the OP and not met up with him and binned him for his rude put down comments (as well as last minute ditching)

Block the twat.

I've never seen one on MN that needed to be thrown back as quick as this one.

Well done OP on having great boundaries!

You def should have said let's leave it then. You gas lighted him and now he's not happy.

This relationship is doomed, you don't sound mature enough to me for it. Sorry.

How on earth did she gaslight him? Ridiculous incorrect of the word

She is not there to educate him, or anything else. He showed her who he was, so she stopped talking to him.
He was rude AF, and she owes him nothing.
only people with shit boundaries and low self esteem, or people pleasers think otherwise.