He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

[Utopiana]

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

I'd go back with "I wasn't prepared to lower my standards and dignify your implied booty call request with a response. Hence the reason I did not respond. Maybe if you were less self absorbed you may have realised I am worth more than that. Ps hope the party was worth it have a nice life. No need to respond bye.

His an arse.

You handled it briliantly op, hes probably testing the boundary on what you'd be willing to tolerate. I wouldnt have replied but would have blocked straightaway. seems like some on here are very desperate which is why theyre saying its rude not to reply. he cancelled on her then expected a late night booty call ffs.

He is acting like a child!

You could have replied no but his tone is awful, ditch.

I think it was pretty rude not to reply. You could just reply "I'll text you tomorrow."

Completely right to decline the offer. It was basically, I want to go out and have a good time with my mates, and when we're done, I'll drunkenly shag you.

And his follow up text message was pretty arrogant and placing the blame on you.

I would not consider him boyfriend material.

I'd throw him back. You're worth more than being treated with contempt.

Well handled, OP.

No no! You’re wrong. This has been done to death now. Any variation of “you should have replied”, “you were rude to him”, “he probably made an honest mistake”, “that’s childish”. No! HE was rude. You don’t lie, cancel last minute, and rearrange as a booty call. His initial message warranted no reply because as most people could tell, he was an arse RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Sad for the people who would have been drawn into his BS, because look at what a wanker he really revealed himself to be.

Why did he DESERVE a reply? I just can’t figure this out.

What are you on? He was trying his luck I get that. She could have even replied with an f@&k off it doesn’t really matter. But not replying at all is just rude, and the whole I didn’t because I didn’t want to is a bit childish and a bit sulky.

To everyone saying she should have replied, if she had, he might not have revealed his crappy nature yet. I'd say his response to the silence speaks a thousand words. She effectively said no to the booty call and he was outraged that she didnt want to be pat of his weekend whatsoever. Just think, if you're the kind to reply to rudeness just because you're so 'courteous', you'd be blind to his wabktardedness for even longer.

Any variation of “you should have replied”, “you were rude to him”, “he probably made an honest mistake”, “that’s childish”. No! HE was rude.

Even if it could be argued that the OP was rude, he’s still putting the onus on her to fix HIS mistake. He’s latched onto this supposed rudeness as a get-out clause. It’s a case of “Okay, I did this, but…” before shifting the blame. THAT is childish.

I would have replied, but also I would have thought he was looking for a booty call and told him to do one.

Fuck off is less rude than not replying? What strange values you have. Some people might say that if you haven’t got anything nice to say, it is better to say nothing at all.

And you are allowed to not do things if you don’t want to, particularly if you feel you are being treated badly. That’s not childish or sulky. It could be described as having healthy boundaries and positive self-esteem.

Many people would prefer the feelings of men be protected at all costs. If you don't agree to having no date then getting your knickers off at 11pm, you might hurt his feelings! Fuck that, I wouldn't even acknowledge it. You can imagine him out, whether it was at his friend's party or with another date, seeing his cancellation message was read but not acknowledged, getting more and more wound up. 'How DARE she reject my minimal effort'.

Yeah I think so, it’s about letting him know it’s not on and your not happy and does not allow for a come back from him. Now in effect what you’ve got is her ghosting him which gives him space to say she is in the wrong.

Ignore the nasties on here op, they just love getting digs into people when they can.

I'll break this down for you.

Hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit

He didn't simply forget. If it was genuinely a friend's birthday, he would have mentioned it beforehand. It seems more likely he had another date planned.

But would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that

After he's done with his other date, you're just the backup plan for a booty call.

Some weird people on Mumsnet, a lot of them I suspect are angry men still living at home with mummy in their crisps and beer sprinkled boxers in front of the computer angry at why women won’t sleep with them, sex is their right apparently.

Very bizarre how sex can warp some minds and the kind of behaviours frustration can illicit.

Get a bloody blow up doll!

I think you're great OP, well done you for knowing your worth.

You ARE unreasonable .... Male f**cks up and wimmin are ruthlessly rejecting and judgmental , assuming the man will ALWAYS betray the woman ...

Wimmin have always messed me around / been one or two hours late and they presume that is their prerogative .. Because men are expected to do all the work and all the tolerating .

"I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11? "

Except in prudish , over-judgmental England ... I am sure other cultures would be flexible enough to eat at 11 or 12 pm -

😂😂

Your mum just called and said you've to go home for your dinner and to stop shouting at all the nice ladies. She said you're a very naughty boy and she'll take your phone away if you don't pack it in.

But what actually happened was that she was pissed off after his last minute cancellation (no apology!) and - as the OP said, didn’t want to get in a discussion or an argument with this man. So she didn’t reply to his incredibly disrespectful and crass message in the heat of the moment. In case you missed it, LESS THAN TWO DAYS later, he follows up with an insulting pile of BS.

So she did let him know she wasn’t happy - by not replying. And that also meant she got to maintain some control of the situation by not engaging in more of his bollocks chat/lies. Is it really ghosting to not reply for LESS THAN TWO DAYS?

Why do you want to keep this man happy and what does it matter he now has “space to say she is in the wrong”? She’s not. But why would anyway give a fuck about this wankers opinion? I mean, without knowing anything else about this man apart from the content of these two messages, I can safely say his condemnation is praise.

Bye bye.

Bye Frederic!