SAHM - How do your fiance's work?

[AndStilliRise]

I have always been a SAHM, looking after our 2 boys (16/21). One has moved out and the other is finishing his GCSE.

Since we have been married (25yrs), my husband has always paid for everything. He has given me a credit card to use as I want but he also provides a monthly allowance which gets deposited into my account (£1k pcm) which allows me some independence.

I suspect with the second child, close to being an adult he may reduce or remove the allowance. Although the credit a will remain. This is in turn, that his finances have also reduced.

Just for clarity, would anyone else be able to describe their situation, as I feel this is unfair. It will leave me with no income.

Don't you want to work?

Surely that’s irrelevant?

who does actually want to work. Ok there are some that would carry on if they won 100m on the lottery, but the vast majority of us would be off and on a Caribbean yacht before we handed in our notice.

o/p’s husband is clearly fed up with carrying the financial load. There’s no reason now for o/p to not work, and she admits the market means her dh’s wages don’t stretch as far as they did. Maybe he’d like to reduce his hours, or look to retiring early, or paying more for the kids uni.

whatever. Even a pt admin job could bring in 10 or 15k a year which is not to be sniffed at.

@AndStilliRise

It is very hard to understand why you would resent your husband in the circumstances you describe. Seems to me that he’s done very well by you, financially at least.

I don’t envy you because I like my job, I love earning my own money and I was never cut out for being an SAHM. I have a few friends who were proper homemakers and remained SAHMs during the earlier years of their children’s schooling. They have all taken up work in more recent years but - in some cases - it’s been work they could do from home.

You don’t have to answer but I think it’s really worth exploring why you resent your DH. I think you said you gave up work on getting married (sorry if that was someone else) which suggests you were keen to be an SAHM - if you gave up work before you even had children. However, if you resent him is it because, at some level, you felt pushed into staying at home so long? Was he an involved father or has his contribution been more or less entirely financial? Do you feel at some level like your lifestyle has prevented you from reaching your full potential? Or that you have somehow become part of the furniture? Something is causing resentment but from what you’ve described, it’s not at all obvious what that might be. And if he’s often suggested you get a job, it sounds to me like he’s rather ready for you to contribute more financially also.

I think this is a reverse.
I think this is the disgruntled husband speaking

No. It's not. Please read other threads.

Why do women enjoy attacking women who have raised children and looked after a home?
They would rather you worked full
time, had nannies, cleaners, a PA and a gardner.

Bizarre!

I work full time and raised DC. You can do both. DC are at school and then when they're older like these DC (more like adults) then they don't need 24/7 supervision. Why should one party we work whilst the other lives off them. It would be the same if it was a man or a woman

Do you work?

Mine too. IMO women who choose to be sahms after children are older make them dependants on men. Why wouldn't you want to earn money and financially contribute?
And feel comfortable with taking a generous allowance and use of credit cards etc?
Wouldn't work for me

Get a job. Assuming you are healthy, there is no real reason to have to stay home with two young adults.🤷‍♀️

They’re not children, that need caring for, at that age!🤷‍♀️

This is a joke surely?

Hi,some people work and don't have a nanny, pa,gardener or cleaner!

It's not nasty, just speaking the truth

Wow ,private schools, big house in Harrow, eating out regularly and holidays 3x a year
All courtesy of your husband.
The mind baffles as to what is considered normal

He has always suggested I take a job. However the only kind of job I would be able to get would be simple admin or superstore work.

Have you replied to the many people asking why you say you could only get a job in a supermarket?

You are a qualified teacher. Why don’t you teach 3/4 days a week? You could bring home £1500/£2000 a month-that would mean your husband wouldn’t have to give you an allowance and you could be financially independent. You complain that your allowance has reduced due to a lack of household cash so this would help everyone.

Your A level age child is old enough to help with/do dinner and if you’ve got a day or two off a week, that’s plenty of time to do the housework/shopping.

@AndStilliRise ?

@AndStilliRise how old are you? Why wouldn't you go back into teaching?