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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

We had an affair

181 replies

username098765 · 25/05/2024 18:21

I know I will get a lot of hate for this which I know I deserve.
Several years ago I had a fling with a friend, we were both in bad places at the time and it was no more than that. 18 months ago we started having an affair, he was married. 12 months ago he left his wife and we have been together since. I know how awful this is and it's no excuse but he was massively unhappy. He has a young ds who I am not allowed to see - I understand why. His parents won't have anything to do with me don't want to hear anything about me - fair enough. I know it's incredibly unlikely but has anyone been in this situation before and things turned out ok? Obviously he'd like me to be part of ds life in time but I can't ever see it happening. We know we have done wrong and I don't need anyone telling me that. We can't help how we feel and it wasn't a decision we made lightly.

OP posts:
hulagirl85 · 02/06/2024 10:16

Hi OP. I had an affair. I left my husband, he left his wife - we never got 'caught'. We had a long history together before this happened. We've been married now for quite a long time, with our own DC. I'm completely accepted by my husband's family, but they knew me previously, I wasn't some random person. I've never faced anything negative (sure people have talked behind our backs and plenty has been said) we just get on with life.

username098765 · 03/06/2024 12:01

@hulagirl85 I don't think his parents will ever accept me but I'm ok with that. He is their only child and his ds is their only grandchild, they look after him a lot! I just hope in time I can meet him and be part of his life.

OP posts:
crayfishyum · 08/06/2024 09:57

18 months ago we started having an affair, he was married. 12 months ago he left his wife and we have been together since.

Odd then that you started a thread 11 months ago about leaving your long term DP and how to start over and worried you won’t find anyone to start your new life with

We had an affair
crayfishyum · 08/06/2024 09:57

basically you’re full of crock

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 08/06/2024 10:02

Obviously he'd like me to be part of ds life in time but I can't ever see it happening.
That he can do something about. She cannot dictate who the child sees when with the father.

wasntlikethisinthegoodolddays · 08/06/2024 12:46

People always say "Once a cheat, always a cheat"

You need to dig much deeper than that.

In my 1st marriage, my husband cheated on me several times, with several women. He tried to have sex with my friends. He did actually shag my best friend. He was also quite mean and belittling, didn't help around the house, did no grunt work, he would kick me sometimes out of sight of others, and assaulted my twice. I eventually had what I would describe as a mini breakdown. 4 years after I found out about the affairs, I myself cheated on him. I didn't go looking for an affair, I was in a bar one night, had been chatting to a guy, and he suddenly went in for a kiss, which was unexpected, but went through me like a bolt of lightening, waking me up to the horror of my marriage.

Me and first husband split shortly after that (I left him). He has gone on to have 2 serious relationships after me, and has cheated on them both.

I, on the other hand, have been happily married to DH for 16 years, and I have never once cheated on him, and never would.

So, once a cheater, always a cheater, is not true for me at all. It's not in my nature, but I still did it when I was in a terrible marriage. My Ex on the other hand, it would seem to be in his DNA.

Only Op knows her partner and which camp he's likely to be in.

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