My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

Why does he deserve a mature chat to worm his way out of this?

Did you reply to his miss you text? I'd send this reply, it's perfect.

I favour:

I have met somebody else who is absolutely wonderful. I almost literally see stars when I see him. I am so sorry about this but I'm sure you'll understand. Have a great life and take care.

Then block. It would be good form to cancel any reservations.

@Mountaindewstar I agree with PP, screenshot his profile with a short message and send it to him. I think if you just block straight away, while it seems the right response, you will be left constantly questioning his motives for doing what he has etc.
im sorry this happened but unfortunately it appears to be very common nowadays.

I’d go for humiliation and not admit I’d seen it.

id just say something like, I’m sorry to do this on text, but I want to say thanks for our time together, but I am ending it now, and ask you not to contact me again. I cannot take your halitosis any more, and your odd and small penis, and limited sexual ability in the face of it, it means this can’t be anything further for me. I thought you deserved to know the truth so you can try to do something about it. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you find that special woman.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3129992-To-make-my-bf-wait-hours-for-his-blind-date

Yeah that was me!

It's funny to read now but pretty heartbreaking at the time.

What a wanker OP.

Although are you 100% sure it's him as people steal other people's pics.

Can your friend ask him some questions to prove it's him? As in what's his job? Otherwise he'll just say it's not him!

Does any of that make sense??

I would just say “you lied to me. I don’t do relationships with liars. It’s over. Please don’t contact me again as it will be a waste of your time”. Then block.

He’s probably very keen on you but has very typical human failings. He’s keeping his options open cos you never know, some stunna might fancy him.
If you drop him, he will be sad as whilst he is still in the look out, he has likely become invested in you anyway.
If you’re crazy about him, you might be able to talk this out. If not, just dump. There will be better people out there.

Tbh I was thinking the worst until I read this comment and then I remembered this actually happened to my friend. Someone had been using his pictures and the first he knew of it was when the poor victim had eventually tracked down my friend to ask him. She had been catfished for a year and thought she was in love and everything. Poor lass.
So I think the idea about a friend trying to get some info from him is a good idea. Just don't reply on a phone no. in case he has two.
Either way it goes, try to think positively - it's either not been him all along or it was and you've dodged a massive bullet! I'm really sorry for your pain 🫂

Absolutely. Hes been a twat but some of these responses are very immature game playing and dragging down to his level.

Short sweet classy dignified message and then no more contact is the way to go.

Why waste headspace with more drama?

If you want maximum impact when you dump, think about what he considers is good about himself and tell him he’s the opposite. Tell him you only stayed because you felt sorry for him or similar.

I agree with others saying you need to tell him why, keep it succinct and to the point. Tell him your friend spotted him on an app and that he’s not to contact you again. Send the screenshot if he protests.

Any reaction such as ghosting, catfishing or insults and he’ll convince himself you’re at fault and not him. He needs to know he’s the one who messed this up.

Oh for goodness sake! It’s this line of thinking that led FOUR women to get in touch with my friend to tell her her husband was cheating before she finally dumped him, well over three years after the first one got in touch.

Yes no reply. Later that night send the screenshot then block. The bastard deserves nothing. You are hurting and angry but hold it together girl, you have totally got this. Sort things to do for yourself this weekend.
coukd I add, this happened to me but less than three weeks before my wedding to him after being with him for 6 years. I was so dignified in ending it, I’m proud of myself to this day x

I'm with @CheekyHobson on this. No need to make comments about performance or size as they're not really that funny and sound a bit forced. What he's done is enough that when faced with it, he should have an 'oh shit' moment.

The furthest I would go would be sending the screenshot and saying 'perhaps next time be more discreet?'

This does happen though. I know of a few people whose photos were stolen from social media to make a fake dating profile.

@ManilowBarry

👌👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
You've nailed it with that post
Love ❤️ it..
He will definitely not like being dumped cause he is crap in bed and his ego will take a battering too...

I'm afraid I'd have to seek a little revenge. I'd catfish him into meeting at a bar. Don't turn up and then message him saying you were there but had decided to leave after you'd seen what he looked like without filters and soft lighting. He deserves his ego taking down a peg or two.

Yeah I know, but not only is he actively on dating sites looking for a new partner, he basically hit on her friend. The utter humiliation of that.

op, I get wanting to keep it classy.

just say, please don’t contact me again, not only are you on eharmony, you actually hit on a friend of mine. I expected better of you and am surprised at just how low you are.

What's with all these suggestions? So much game playing!
Op don't stoop to any such level. Be an adult ( even if he's not).
Be honest. Tell him what you found, and then dump him. End of story

Men continue to act like dogs on heat because of the low standards some women have. Please raise your standards.

Please don't lower yourself with insults about his breath / performance or size, that's just sad and just makes you look a bit pathetic. It will give him something to be angry about and the impact of his behaviour will be lowered. Keep your chin up, you know you are better than him. I would go with sending him the screen shot with a simple. "Bye!". And don't look back, you deserve someone so much better.

The same thing happened to me OP. Friend found my ex on a dating site. I dumped him. He begged and told me it was a scam and someone had cloned his account. All the usual rubbish.
That was us done.

I agree.

I think OP sending him a silly/witty reply or cat fishing him etc is going to make her look childish and like she’s heartbroken over it.

Of course it’s understandable she’d be upset but he doesn’t deserve to have the satisfaction of that, because he’ll feel like he’s not lost anything.

Blocking him without explanation is also not going to do any good because he’s already looking for someone else and he’ll then turn around and blame OP saying it was because she blocked him.

There’s no need to be childish.

The truth is more than enough reason to dump him and he needs to know that OP has found out and won’t be taken for a fool.

This is perfect.

Agree about the childish goading - completely unnecessary and takes you down to his level, or lower. We only erode our own self-respect when we behave in ways that are beneath us.

Sorry you've had this experience, OP, what a shock! Onwards and upwards though, at least you're not wasting any more time.