My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

I feel it's to boost their ego , to see who fancies them..People like him are quite insecure & like to test the water to see if they could find someone else easily if their real relationship goes pear shaped.

I had a girlfriend who used to scroll on dating sites. Sometimes it was serious as she was looking for someone, sometimes it was “just for fun“. She was always single however. I never understood her attitude. But I do think it is just “bigging themselves up” so to speak, an ego boost.

I remember once chatting with someone on a dating site for awhile, and then I sort of ended it, by saying we live a bit far away from each other (I also began to wonder about him). He replied it was only for fun, I never had any intention of meeting up. How ridiculous! He was a couples therapist by the way 😳.

The “boring” thing is a bit of a tangent. But obviously OP it’s a lie and a ruse, but also it’s insulting! He’s bored with you in effect is also what he’s saying. What a jerk.

Bored? Cheats and liars will say the first thing that comes into their head to make excuses. THATS what’s boring.

How are you holding up now the dust is settling, OP?

Bang on xxx

Oh and forgot to mention, narcissists always do this in my experience. One is never enough. They never come off dating sites. Even if they are in a relationship. They always want more fuel, supply, attention. And looking for the next big thing.

Before the thread reaches 40 pages and ends I just want to say, I followed this from start to finish and OP- LEGEND!
Hope your tests go well and come back negative. Here's to a wonderful future for you ❤️xxx

I'd get your friend to arrange to meet up with him, somewhere that he thinks you wouldn't go, but also it needs to be somewhere where you could go, some pub or restaurant - ones with enclosed seating booths, would be ideal as you could get yourself in a booth close by, whilst still being out of sight.

He meets your freind, let him chat his bull, make sure she asks him lots about his life, how long has he been single, what ended his last relationship, talk about how hard it is meeting decent men on these dating sites as so many are a bit weird, not who they say they are, just after jumping straight in bed or else they are married or have half a dozen women on the go at the same time - let him talk about how awful men are that do that.
Your friend let's him think that its all going well, then she says something along the lines of "I'm so glad, you seem like a really great guy & not some proper weirdo, I actually bought a freind to hang about until I was sure I'd be ok, I will let her know she can go home now" she rings you, tells you can go home he seems great guy, then of course like friends do, you would go over to say goodbye before you left. Of course if you are lucky enough to be sat in a cubicle next to them, she can pretend, to call you because you will be able to hear her anyway.

You friend then tells him "she's just going to come & say goodbye before she goes to goes.... (as you walk up to the table) TO YOU"
You look him straight in the eye & stay silent looking at him, leave him blabbering away, trying to talk his way out of it, then simply say "goodbye (insert name)" you & your freind walk off together, linking arms to show solidarity!!

I am currently fantasizing about @Mountaindewstar friend contacting him saying, “You know what? I don’t think you’re what I’m looking for, tbh. One of my besties is newly single and I think you’d love her.” and send him a photo of you and she together.

“You legally cannot stop communicating with someone if you have a child with them as you need to talk at the very least regarding arrangements for the kid.”

I don’t know if you meant it like this, but you can stop talking to whoever you want, whenever you want, child or not.

OP, I’m sorry it ended like this but it’s good to see such decisive action from you. In the long run this is the way to minimise any heartbreak. A lot of people like myself because I am quite dim would have let this drag on too long.

So stop engaging with it?

Why should she stop engaging with her own thread?!

It's posters responsibility to read pertinent posts in a thread before posting.
Most do.
The ones who don't are irritating. They irritate other posters but of course they especially irritate the op. She's allowed to express that entirely reasonable irritation. She doesn't have to leave her own thread due to them.

he would never have gone through with meeting any women it was just chatting through boredom

Ah boredom.

He's got presumably a job, a lovely partner, at least one son, other family, presumably a few friends, hobbies (?) and he could do literally anything to relieve his boredom with all that.

Other people take up sports and hobbies, read, go to the pub, game, tinker at vehicles, do courses, watch series, tik toks, YouTube etc etc etc.

But he goes on dating sites and contacts women and moves across to messaging them in messaging apps to "relieve boredom".
His method of relieving boredom also requires lying to his partner, because 99.9% of people wouldn't stay with someone who did that.

And of course, if op chose to relieve her boredom in that manner, he'd be perfectly chilled and ok with it. In fact that's why he told her about himself doing it. And that's why he asked for exclusivity.

He was never going to meet anyone; well he looked very much like he was moving in the direction of meeting someone.

Say he wasn't; still not remotely appropriate behaviour.

It would also mean that he wastes women's time who are looking to date and looking for a relationship, to relieve his "boredom" and amuse himself. What integrity and decency.

He looks like a cheater, cause he is a cheater. And I bet his marriage to his ex fell apart because of it too.

I would just message 'Nice try!' and leave it at that.

saying I've got it all wrong, he would never have gone through with meeting any women it was just chatting through boredom. Hes in love with me bla bla bla bla

Says a lot that he thinks this would somehow be acceptable behaviour in a relationship and not also a deal-breaker.

Hi all, I just wanted to end this thread on a positive note & just say thank you to all of you for your support and wise words! The posters on Mumsnet have been incredibly supportive & has felt a safe space to let off steam and emotions.
I wont be adding any more to this thread.
I am feeling quite positive today & grateful I found out now & not a year or two down the line. I'll never speak to this man again, I am focusing on the positives in my life right now , like family, friends & my job, I've decided to go back to a hobby I kind of stopped doing for a while & doing lots of self care things for myself.
Thanks so much again everyone!
Also to those that have shared similar experiences, I couldnt reply to each and everyone of you so just wanted to say I feel your pain and heartache, I get that it's almost like a grieving process & good luck in your future to each of you , were better off without them 100% :)

Good luck OP and well done!

Well done! Brilliant!

Really sorry to hear this. It’s so upsetting - and a great idea to get to vent on MN-with plenty of support to get over the initial shock and a bit of time to consider the best reaction. I wouldn’t block him tho as you want to get some closure via his excuses/responses.

It happened to me 18 months or so into a relationship - It just turns out that he was a serial - mover -on-er, love bomber and dating app user. But it was a very painful and confusing time to get over it. You’ve dodged a bullet. Don’t let it ruin your Summer. And keep us posted.

Love this sign-off. Well done OP. All the best for your new, better and happier future x

You know, reading this, I sometimes wish it was 1981 or something.

There are dating app groups called are we dating the same guy? on Facebook for the uk and your area where women share men like this. Not full details but enough with an image usually a screenshot of their dating profile and it’s been an eye opener I got accepted into one today for my area and saw 3 guys I was talking to and a guy I went to school with. The most shocking stuff but is a good way to double check a guy you been talking to for awhile.

Cheering you on OP

Welldone OP. You've handled this so maturely

💐💐💐💐👍💥

Well done OP, wish you every happiness in your life going forward 💐