My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

Clearcut then....when it happened to my relative the age and everything was wrong.

I would tell him you know. Don't stoop to cheap shots about him or his sexual ability, or ghost him, or he will just think "What a bitch, it's a good job I already had a profile set up."

You want him to realise he has lost something good solely because of his cheating lying ass.

Can your friend message him asking to meet, see how far he would go?

Just tell him the truth. Then he’ll know he didn’t get away with it and he has lost you. No need to block etc that’s juvenile. Just dump him. One day he’ll look back and realise he’s a fool

I agree with this because it's been 11 months. Ending a relationship without any conversation has always struck me as a bit odd. No matter how awful the thing he's done - having the chance to say how you feel and expressing your anger/hurt/upset is good for the soul. That's why victims of crime can get a lot of peace just having the chance to face their attacker in court and tell them how they feel, even if it doesn't result in conviction. Much better than all the conversations and scenarios you'll imagine yourself having in time because you never actually said anything. Expressing yourself also means you let go of the anger and hurt much earlier instead of having it ruin future relationships. So many people who just block or do what is apparently a 'dignified' route actually carry the negative feelings for much longer - repressing emotion never works out well.

I would have a call when you're feeling calmer and let him know (calmly) what you found out, how you feel and why you're upset (this vulnerability is important in relationships especially when things go wrong). Then give him a chance to explain and then make your decision and communicate it to him. Trust me you will be far more dignified and at peace with yourself instead of festering over it for weeks afterwards. Do this for yourself, not him.

With my now DH, early on in our dating he did something that upset me. Not cheating or being on apps but my instinct was to dump him. But my friend advised me to do what I've suggested - I spoke to him and we ended up having a very deep conversation where we understood each other better. I chose to stay with him and for me it was the best decision and we are very happy together. Yours is different because chatting to someone with the intention of dating is cheating so yes, breaking up is the right thing. BUT having the conversation before you do it will make YOU feel better and not experience any regret later on.

This is most definitely the response to go with. Hit him where it hurts 👍😂

I think I’d message and say you don’t want to see him again as you aren’t well suited. The lack of an explanation will drive him bonkers, don’t mention the dating app profile as he’ll say sorry it’s an old account he’s forgotten about blah blah blah.

Sorry OP, he's awful.

I'd send him the screenshot and text 'We're done. I deserve someone who treats me with respect'. Then, I'd block him (in case he tries any feeble excuses).

I'd make nice plans for the week ahead with friends and family.

That’s just letting him off with it. He’s clearly not going to progress the relationship if he’s looking to meet someone else.

I would get your friend to set up a date with him and then meet them both there. But only if I could be arsed. Otherwise I’d just tell him the truth - ‘My friend found you on a dating site (include screenshot). I am not interested in a man who thinks it’s ok to cheat so I will not be pursuing this relationship any further. Goodbye.’ And then block.

I'd avoid him for a few weeks and get your friend to arrange a date with him. Then turn up to meet him at the date! Might teach him a lesson!

This happened to me.

Years later I wish I had set up my own profile on the same site and not said a word.

I would send him the screenshot, and nothing else.

I would never speak to him again either. Your silence will KILL him 🤣🤣🤣

Sorry to hear you've suffered this OP, I can imagine how hurt you are feeling xXx

I'd let him go ahead with the whole weekend plans etc, arrange to meet and so on - then send him a screenshot of his profile about 5 minutes after you are due to meet. Ghost him completely from that point.

Can't be arsed with drama any more, and this will hurt his pocket at the very least. He is not worthy of being shown your emotion, and cheats like him are usually so morally bereft that they get off on it. He deserves NOTHING from you, certainly not any consideration.

This is perfect.
I'd not do the 'crap in bed' thing, sorry pp but bad idea IMO..he can then go around the all 'woe is me' thing with people, even potentially those you know, making you out to be the bad/mad/hysterical one. He needs to be held accountable for what he's actually done.
You could of course do both! Especially if he IS crap in bed, but he needs to know the reason why. New gfs/dates may ask him and that will make them feel sorry for him rather than think he's a prick (not that he'll tell the truth of course but word gets around and a lot of people can tell when someone is potentially lying).

I would just never reply to a message or answer a call again, simply because I think that this would be the most irritating thing to do.

How come he ‘liked’ you friend, wouldn’t he expect her to tell you about it?

how horrible. i would confront him, but do it when you're much calmer - to really shame him. Do it for the next woman! even if you do it in a few days or so, make sure you're calm. Being calm is the "classy". And I'm sorry to read this happened to you, some men suck.

So sorry to hear this happened 3 weeks b4 your wedding! What is wrong with them?

He has never met this friend, she is a work friend, I had quite a lot of female friends, hes only met a couple. She knew ( as we talk at work throughout the day) that my boyfriend was called "ben" and she had seen photos of us together on my phone and social media ... I knew she was on dating sites we chat about any dates etc she has had.
Last night she msg me and said please tell me this isnt your "Ben" ... i had to show you straight away I'm so sorry ...

I'd add...
"And how do I know?? A friend sent me this screen shot of you!"

This. Because you know that he will have someone else lined up quickly for the weekend activities 😐

Amazing! Love this

Get your friend to play him, get chatting plan to meet him and then you turn up!

Who cares? Let him, let them , I'm past caring, it will still be stress for him to arrange someone at such short notice ...or extremely late notice

He won't care what you say. He doesn't care about you. He won't feel bad and he won't care that he's lost you.

Your only chance of upsetting him at all is to absolutely and totally ghost him and block him forever.