My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

Good for you.

Just read your latest updates @Mountaindewstar sorry you had to find out that way but thank goodness you did, although obviously ideally he wouldn’t be a cheat and you’d be happy. Well done for holding it together, hope you’re ok today.

Agree with this. You need to tell anyone that will listen that he is a cheater or else the end of your relationship will be hidden just as it was with his ex wife.

The likelihood of his cheating on her and her finding out but keeping quiet about it is high I imagine.

It's always better for the truth to come out so that cheaters get a reputation of being cheaters, not that they ever learn.

Men like this are addicted to the thought that there is someone 'better' out there and dating apps make the world a smorgasbord.

My neighbour went on over 400 dates in a five year period convinced that there was always someone better just around the corner. He had some lovely girlfriends in that time but he was addicted the the apps. He is now older, ill and alone as a result of his terrible reputation as much as his shitty behaviour.

Well done for being strong the whole way through, I followed the event from your first post, hopefully you will get over the scumbag & move on with your life.💐

@ThoseBlueRememberedHills Who exactly is @Mountaindewstar going to tell about his behaviour? Her friend knows… who else in her circle needs to know? OP has a duty to herself first. Why should she go out of the way to educate his future partners? That would make her seem like a bitter stalker.

I would absolutely call him out on the online account. He’s played games and deserves to be called on what he’s done so he knows what he’s thrown away. I wouldn’t pretend you’ve gone off him/ he’s crap in bed etc. That will play into whatever messed up attitude he has and justify his keeping his options open/ what he did in the first place.
You haven’t been spying on him. He fed around and found out. WGAF about how he wants to spin it?
Call him out on it, THEN block. You’re a grown up person who thought they were having a grown up relationship. What a complete sht.
Im really really sorry you’ve been hurt like this.

My neighbour went on over 400 dates in a five year period convinced that there was always someone better just around the corner. He had some lovely girlfriends in that time but he was addicted the the apps. He is now older, ill and alone as a result of his terrible reputation as much as his shitty behaviour.

Thats really grim,but probably not all that unusual

Sorry OP but you selfishly used the other man and have maybe given him false hope.

I followed this thread from the start and some of the more recent comments don’t seem to have a grasp of the fact that actions have consequences.
This has been an extremely difficult week for the OP, for anyone who has been through similar it’s absolutely shattering to discover someone you care/love/respect does this.
What to do when you discover this? We all have different reactions and there really is no right or wrong.
Some downright nasty comments and judgemental to the extreme. We are supposed to be adults, supporting not ripping people apart.

OP, I've been following your thread and I want to say that I believe that you've handled the whole situation beautifully, with dignity and remaining true to yourself. I hope that you are able to heal and if you want to have a relationship again in the future, it's with someone who truly deserves you. Best of luck xxx

Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?
Having a laugh with friends is a completely acceptable way to process what has been done to her. She was open and honest with the date last night that it was friendship only. He had the option to say no himself, but chose to go anyway.
Whereas you just sound like you want to put the boot in.

Five years into a very close relationship with my boyfriend who lived 5 minutes up the road from me, everything was going so well with no problems.

A friend saw him on a dating site and screenshotted it, just like yours did. When I questioned him, he swore blind that it was of of his old profiles from five-plus years ago, left on a site he'd totally forgotten about.

The only problem was, in the photo he was sitting on a cream fabric sofa that he had bought just three months earlier. His previous sofa was tan leather.

Treat him with the contempt he deserves but also tell him the sex was awful!

Wow. This has to be a post from a man who has been caught out in a similar way. Very spiteful and nasty words from someone with no sensitivity or understanding. I hope you get what you deserve, you piece of work.

Wow. He’s two timing her after nearly a year off being exclusive. She doesn’t owe this shitrag anything.

Hes the one that needs to grow up and take some accountability for his shit behaviour.

As much as I can’t really fathom how the op has handled it, I do find it odd , everything, from the work colleague who recognised him, to the texting him like normal, for days, to going out for dinner on the same night with a handy man who was interested , available at short notice and is lovely, to going back to her colleagues for wine after dinner with him but being home by 10.30 and straight on mumsnet to update everyone as soon as possible, I do think you’re being a bit harsh if this isn’t all nonsense.

What a ridiculous, shitty post.

I think it was childish too, sorry OP.

Two grown women acting all "john tucker must die" is just a bit cringe.

But you're obviously free to react and deal with your hurt how you wish. He was a prick and you're better off far far away

Sorry @BigAnne, but you have failed to even scan OP's posts so your comment is irrelevant.

What do you mean by I have sent the screenshots

Are they screenshots that show you know he was cheating?

Does he know, that you know?

Dear god, @SoreAndTired1. No need for all that bold and italics. Just read OP's posts 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think it takes a lot of working out that the OP is referring to screenshots of his online dating profile/messages? Ie incriminating evidence that he was on his way to cheating. What else would the screenshot be of?

I'd message, "I thought we were on the same page about our relationship, but it turns out the page you are on is bumble.com. I have no interest in seeing you again, because I know I deserve better."

Obviously insert the relevant dating site.

This ^ that a previous poster said. I’d have to let him know that I know what it appears he’s been up to. Sorry this has happened to you. Make sure to do lots of nice things for yourself until you feel ok again.