My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

Thank you!

Hear hear.

If a man of this age, he's not young; can't be faithful, honest or decent ...... Who the fuck do you think is going to make him be?

He is what he is.

It's not op's job or anyone else's to try to change the fundamental character and behaviour of a middle aged man.

Cheating among very young people is not good but at least they have the excuse of youth, immaturity, not fully developed brain/empathy, flakiness etc.

If you're cheating like this when you're middle aged, you are a lost cause.

I think the OP followed her instinct and did it all great but generally, I think talking (explaining why people hurt us for example) is better than ghosting. Glad you’re feeling of him OP : )

Free of him!!!

explaining why people hurt us for example

You think a mature man with kids needs it explained to him why/how he's hurt the op?

You think he doesn't know his behaviour is wrong?

SMH.

OP hasn't ghosted him though. She has sent the screenshots, so he knows why she is no longer speaking to him.

I agree that a middle aged cheating man is a lost cause. OP just needs to protect herself and move on.

I wouldn't get your son to answer the door though, even if he is an adult it's not great dragging your children into the breakdown of your relationship.

Just read all his messages but don't reply no explanation nothing

@Mountaindewstar I've just read this whole thread and I think you handled this far better than he deserved. The only parting shot I would add is to tell his family what happened, so they know what a nasty liar he is.

I hope you have a nice weekend

Just read the whole thread. Well done OP, you handled it brilliantly. Hope you manage to put it behind you soon and start to feel a bit better. You deserve someone much better than that loser 💐

It's interesting that you mentioned everyone thought he was punching, op.

I have observed "punching" men being cheats on a number of occasions.

I have a couple of theories about them.

They go for women out of their league because they are quite entitled, "ambitious" and chancers. That same entitlement & chancer mentality leads then to think they are entitled to several women/to do what they like.

They go for women out of their league but have underlying insecurity about it, they inwardly can't believe their luck, think it might end - feel somewhat anxious/fatalistic and "sooth" their insecurity by having other options. They both assure themselves they can pull other women and that they have backups/options, and won't be left dumped & rejected and feeling like a failure.

They go for women out of their league, at first they're excited/happy/get gratification from pulling them, but then ... when this woman who's out of their league appears to be settling with them/very committed to them - they sort of wonder what's wrong with her (because they're below her league, and also know themselves they're kinda pathetic and not a great person) and actually "devalue" her. Then they look to replace her, because she's devalued in their mind.

Possibly also because they think "well, I pulled her and she wants to commit to me, so who else could I pull at her level or maybe even higher?".

These are all (weirdly) not mutually exclusive.

Then there are the more standard reasons lots of men cheat. (Not particular to a partner being out of league).

OP you sound great
Why should you sit in being all considerate and upset when your supposed exclusive BF was "let's take this to WhatsApp" with at least one other, at the actual same time.

It's not often you hear on here of getting real time proof of sleazebag.

Take son out for a fabulous lunch, catch some sun, buy a new book, dress, have cocktails in the garden and hear about uni life 2024.

I would also play Dua Lipa IDGAF song, because it's a great song and one many many young women should listen to.

Honestly OP well played.

Have a great bank holiday weekend.

Morning OP, you have handled this brilliantly, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

A word of warning.
I found blocking a number did not stop them leaving voicemails.....
Really annoying.
Android phone.
Need voicemail on for other reasons.
Well done OP, more decorum than I possess 😇

Ooo go on the weekend and order best of everything 👍 then dump him
course in a way he is unless committed to you a free agent, but so are you!!!
Could play him at his own game until you meet mr right

Just caught up with your update OP. Sending you big hugs. The pain will go away. Onwards and upwards. Take care xx 💐

Just read the whole thread. You handled this amazingly but I understand it doesn't stop it from hurting. I hope you are okay, just be kind to yourself, time will help xx

Coming to this late and just read all OP posts.

Firstly - well done you!

But secondly, reading through OP posts it was depressing how many times she had to tell people that no, it wasn’t an old profile. No wonder so many men get away with claiming shit like that, when there seem to be so many women jumping to believe that!

Yeah very unlikely to be the case when -

He doesn’t sound worth someone catfishing to be.

Said his profile was recently active.

Messaged her friend on there.

shared details with her friend that match up to him.

he shared his mobile number to that friend.

I think some people suggest that so they can get a bit more drama out of a shit situation wanting a back and forth between OP and this man, rather than just supporting OP.

Oh and forgot to add for those saying she shouldn’t block why not?

All he would do now is claim his innocence or gaslight over them being in a relationship and having the talk to be more serious and committed to one another.

Very much doubt he will be genuinely remorseful.

Yep.

And the suggestions her friend is a liar/jealous/temptress/setting her up etc etc etc.

These women make it so easy for men to cheat on themselves and other women, and get away with it.

Well done OP, I have been following your post and I admire your courage and determination, you did what I didn’t because I believed his BS excuses that someone was using his photo and details to set up an account in Plenty of fish, even when all the evidences where in front of me, I still buried my head in the sand and believe him, well, 3 years went by and only broke with him when I found out at the end that he had numerous of accounts on dating and hookup sites, posting adds about meeting women for fun when you could use Craigslist for that, having an account with Adultwork, I know you are heartbroken right now but imagine yourself in 3 years time, finding out like I did, these type of men never changed, I’m now with my wonderful fiancé who I can trust and treats me wonderfully, I can see these same future for you because you sound amazing and any good men will be lucky to have you, lots of hugs xx

Maybe her friend could do that? Oops sorry

How nice that he's shown you that there are decent men out there.

If your son has to answer the door to him, I'd hope a few choice words would be said, in a very loud voice so others could hear.