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Original poster

My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

987 replies

Mountaindewstar · 22/05/2024 22:17

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

OP posts:
taylorswift1989 · 23/05/2024 15:44

Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 14:50

So I'm thinking something like this:

I know
I've seen the evidence
The trust has gone
It is over
Take care of the dog hes lovely shame about his owner
Goodbye

Honestly, don't. What's the point? To have the last word? It would be so much more dignified to simply block him and never speak to him again.

He knows why. He knows he's a piece of shit. He doesn't care.

Okay, you can send a text like this, or one of the others pp have suggested. But it won't make you feel better and it won't do anything to make him feel ashamed or sad.

If you give him silence, he will be forced to confront himself, because you won't be there to confront. He won't be able to twist your words or use them as ammo. He'll be left feeling stupid and knowing he only has himself to blame.

Meanwhile, you walk away with your head held high.

Did you ever read the MN post with the woman whose fiance dumped her and said he didn't want to talk to her? So she never spoke to him, ever again. It was brilliant. Worth finding and reading. Maybe someone on the thread has a link.

Toxicinlawz · 23/05/2024 15:46

I would just send the screenshot and nothing else .then block 🚫

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 15:49

LizzieBennett73 · 23/05/2024 15:33

I would just send the screenshot with the rolled eyeball emoji.

Sometimes saying nothing is worth a thousand words.

But block him so he can't reply and you don't have to deal with the "oh, that's an old profile I forgot to remove" or the "I've been hacked" bullshit.

I love the eyeball emoji. It's also quite condescending and he really hates that sort of thing! I think the eyeball emoji and the bumble one are my favs gonna combine them

OP posts:
Thursdaygirl · 23/05/2024 15:51

Did you ever read the MN post with the woman whose fiance dumped her and said he didn't want to talk to her? So she never spoke to him, ever again. It was brilliant. Worth finding and reading. Maybe someone on the thread has a link.

He dumped her by text after 2 years, saying "no need to reply." It broke her heart, but she didn't reply. Needless to say, he turned up on her doorstep a good while later, and somehow blamed her for the situation. But no amount of dignified silences helped with the pain she went through, it absolutely floored her. I think she posted as 'RunningInTheRain' on her second thread, because that's how she dealt with it?

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 15:52

taylorswift1989 · 23/05/2024 15:44

Honestly, don't. What's the point? To have the last word? It would be so much more dignified to simply block him and never speak to him again.

He knows why. He knows he's a piece of shit. He doesn't care.

Okay, you can send a text like this, or one of the others pp have suggested. But it won't make you feel better and it won't do anything to make him feel ashamed or sad.

If you give him silence, he will be forced to confront himself, because you won't be there to confront. He won't be able to twist your words or use them as ammo. He'll be left feeling stupid and knowing he only has himself to blame.

Meanwhile, you walk away with your head held high.

Did you ever read the MN post with the woman whose fiance dumped her and said he didn't want to talk to her? So she never spoke to him, ever again. It was brilliant. Worth finding and reading. Maybe someone on the thread has a link.

Show quote history

Thank you , that's exactly why I'm holding out as I'm debating whether to just read his next message and leave him on read never reply again.
I think this is a very dignified response.
Dont worry I won't send the dog one I'm just letting it all out on here so that I dont to him! 😄

OP posts:
Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 15:53

Thursdaygirl · 23/05/2024 15:51

Did you ever read the MN post with the woman whose fiance dumped her and said he didn't want to talk to her? So she never spoke to him, ever again. It was brilliant. Worth finding and reading. Maybe someone on the thread has a link.

He dumped her by text after 2 years, saying "no need to reply." It broke her heart, but she didn't reply. Needless to say, he turned up on her doorstep a good while later, and somehow blamed her for the situation. But no amount of dignified silences helped with the pain she went through, it absolutely floored her. I think she posted as 'RunningInTheRain' on her second thread, because that's how she dealt with it?

Wow that takes some strength, she sounds amazing. I dont remember that post, I'll try and find it

OP posts:
Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 15:56

Sum3er · 23/05/2024 14:52

I just found out my boyfriend if 4 years have been cheating on me with 3 other women for over 18 months. He currently gf reached out to tell me she knew of me only recently and of another woman. When I confronted him about it he said he was only friends with these ‘lame ducks’ because they needed a shoulder to cry on. He then says they’re still only friends but yes he does have sex with them. My boyfriend is 52 and a doctor. We are all quite a bit younger at 38,35 and 47. He has two teenage kids who have all seen him rotating us in turn in front of his family and none of them have said a word for so long. To make it worse his current partner who recently left him is a police officer. She’s been told about his recreational drug use and sex parties which i unaware of. I knew he was invited to one but I asked him not to attend it yet he still did for ‘ the experience. I’m trying to move on. But what a dilema. He’s a medical doctor and a GP who takes drugs most weekends. Should we report him to the medical council or leave dogs lie? To be honest I don’t want to stoop that low but do we have a duty of care to report him in case he puts patient safety at risk?
any thoughts welcome

I am so sorry to hear this , I think you should start your own thread xxx

OP posts:
Highlighta · 23/05/2024 16:01

Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 15:53

Wow that takes some strength, she sounds amazing. I dont remember that post, I'll try and find it

Show quote history

This is the thread I mentioned. Started by Runningintherain. I would link it but I don't know how to 🙈

Sum3er · 23/05/2024 16:11

I thought I had, but have now done so :)

Jhgdsd · 23/05/2024 16:12

OP, keeping your powder dry is very wise.
There is nothing as head fxxking as complete silence.
That old thread that was reference is a text book example of how to deal with a twat.
I wouldn't give him the soot of an explanation.
Complete silence. It will drive him mad as he will never be sure. Don't give him the information that you have found out. Leave him wondering what happened.
He doesn't deserve the courtesy of any explanation.

vapourtrail · 23/05/2024 16:17

From past experience and that of my friends who have done OLD, the ones that stick in your head the most, that drive you absolutely mad trying to work out what happened, are the ones who ghost. In the other scenarios he can twist it to make himself feel better about himself (ie she must have been talking about me so much to all her friends that they all knew about me and recognised me on Bumble, she obviously really liked me. Or if you write something he can read it back adding his own tone of voice to make it sound like you are more upset about it than you are. But silence can't be twisted or misconstrued. There is nothing for him to add his own lens to.
But I would do it now, if you are 100% that it is over, I would ring up, cancel all the bookings and then block. Otherwise he might see this delay in you finding out (because you say he will have noticed you are acting differently) as indecision. And if he thinks you are indecisive about it, it gives him that bit of power to think Even though she found out I was online she still talked to me. Block and leave him to go crazy with his own thoughts.
Hope you find someone worthy @Mountaindewstar it is a minefield out there!!

JustGettingStarted · 23/05/2024 16:22

I think left on read is the very best. Second best is send screenshot and block.

You could find your local "Are we dating the same guy" Facebook group and share the screenshot.

Pinkyhere · 23/05/2024 16:29

Screenshot
You're grim
See ya

Short, insulting and to the point.

Don't think any of the I can do better stuff has any impact on these sorts people.
The less you say, the less it seems like you care.

vapourtrail · 23/05/2024 16:35

The thing with sending the screenshot is it still acknowledges the fact that you know he was trying to cheat on you / replace you, which actually isn't a great place to be.

vapourtrail · 23/05/2024 16:37

When his friends ask what happened he will be able to say "Well, I was looking for an upgrade and she found out and didn't like it, whatever". Whereas if he doesn't know why you ended it, he can't big himself up like this

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 23/05/2024 16:42

If you are completely sure it is his new profile (and not some kind of fake one created by someone who knows him or could use his details in some way):

Say nothing.
He really really doesn't deserve any more of your time.

Say nothing.
Let his own nature inform him about why you have disappeared.
(He will no doubt wonder if you were two-timing bastard too.)

Say nothing
You will have nothing to reproach yourself with in the future
and he won't have the kind of closure he can control.

BirthdayRainbow · 23/05/2024 16:44

Foxlover46 · 23/05/2024 05:45

This happened to me last year , I sent him the screenshot and he rang me panicking saying he literally just went on it for someone to talk to , general chit chat.
I put the phone down and blocked him , I knew he was lying and I didn't want to let him see how upset I was.
I think hearing his bs response helped me get over him tbh
Liar till the very end
Hope you're ok OP

My h wanted someone to talk to. A friend. Found a woman. Someone to make him feel better. We live in the UK. She lives in USA. Yet they had sex. It might have been just chat to start with, according to him, eight months in she started flirting, God, I'm a fool he's lying isn't he? Then she came over they had sex. I'd have put my life on him never cheating.

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 16:47

vapourtrail · 23/05/2024 16:35

The thing with sending the screenshot is it still acknowledges the fact that you know he was trying to cheat on you / replace you, which actually isn't a great place to be.

Very good point

OP posts:
Manlon · 23/05/2024 16:49

I'd be tempted to ghost him.

No explanation. I wouldn't say anything. But be sure to go out on Friday and post pics to your social media so he can see you're alive, happy and out having fun.

Ghosting is awful but in this case totally deserved!

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 23/05/2024 16:50

I've never ghosted anyone... but would do it in this case.

SpidersAreShitheads · 23/05/2024 16:50

This is the first thread that @Highlighta and @Thursdaygirl mentioned.

The OP is bloody wonderful with how she deals with a real arsehole who dumps her by text and tells her not to bother replying.

I’ll find the second part for you too.

Edited to add: this is the second thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2

I don’t know if you’re still out there @runninginrain but I hope you got your much-deserved happy ending 💐

Southern68 · 23/05/2024 16:52

I would be tempted to send the screenshot with the caption, "How boring and predictable"

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 16:55

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 23/05/2024 16:50

I've never ghosted anyone... but would do it in this case.

Me either , I've never ghosted anyone

OP posts:
Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 23/05/2024 16:55

SpidersAreShitheads · 23/05/2024 16:50

This is the first thread that @Highlighta and @Thursdaygirl mentioned.

The OP is bloody wonderful with how she deals with a real arsehole who dumps her by text and tells her not to bother replying.

I’ll find the second part for you too.

Edited to add: this is the second thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2

I don’t know if you’re still out there @runninginrain but I hope you got your much-deserved happy ending 💐

Edited

Brilliant, thank you!!

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 23/05/2024 16:56

I would very simply send a message of “I’ve re evaluated our relationship and it isn’t what I want moving forwards”. I then wouldn’t even block just not respond to ANY message.