My husband is taking the p**s!!

[rosetta32]

I need to rant because I have nowhere else to rant. But I'm getting so frustrated with my husband.

We have a newborn baby and a 20 month old, so it's all very chaotic in the house, very busy, little sleep etc.

I am on maternity leave so at home with the kids in the week, which is lovely but also very tiring. When it comes to the weekend, it's nice to get a bit of a break and share responsibilities but this does not seem to be the case. He keeps booking golf days at the weekend (6-8 hours), football trips.

Today, he said he was nipping to see his friend and the gym at 10am. It's 7pm and he's not home, decided to enjoy the weather and grab drinks. I'm just furious, tired and pretty upset. Has he checked out do we think :(?

Ignore @DistinguishedSocialCommentator
They don't live in the real world.

You have every right to be furious at your husband. His behaviour is shocking.

Can you go out for a bit tomorrow? Even if it’s just a walk, a coffee.
Or do something as a family.

I wouldn’t say he’s checked out, but yes he’s taking the piss. You need to speak to him properly tomorrow.

I don't know where you from but you are entitled to take maternity leave in the uk, upto 52 weeks in fact, we don't live in a backward country like the US. Although how that is paid will depend on her employer. Of course OP could ask to split her maternity leave at some point with he DH if she wanted to as this option is now available to couple's (it wasn't 10 years ago).

@Wishihadanalgorithm yes I have had this exact conversation with him, and he seemed to understand and said he appreciated that and would take it on board. But it's got worse since.

I can definitely take some time tomorrow, or next week. I'm just feeling really sad that he does not seem to want to be around me or our kids much anymore. It was him who suggested having number 2 in the first place.

@MigGirl baby is a few weeks old. He had a week for paternity then went back unfortunately :-(

Yes, he is taking the piss.

He clearly has no idea just how hard your work load is, so he needs to experience it to appreciate it. Don’t waste your energy on trying to get him to “get it”, just arrange a whole day away. He will get just a little taste of how your days are, day in day out. Unfortunately not the full picture as he would need a full month to fully appreciate what really goes on, with shopping, cooking, cleaning, endless washing and all that goes with running a busy home. Throw a sickness bug in too, so he’s operating on 2 hours sleep with the shits himself, he might just appreciate right now, his big job is the easier deal and HE isn’t the one who needs time out!
Get that day out sorted, and make it a regular occurrence.

@feelingfree17 it's funny you say about the sickness bug. This happened last year when I was pregnant (HELL). He still went to golf - bad move - on the second hole he had to run off to be sick and come home! I can laugh at that now while I'm angry!!

I used to have one like that.

Note the use of the words “used to”.

Life is so much easier when you don’t have to try and co-parent with someone who unthinkingly puts their own desires first.

My first marriage ended due to similar behaviour except my kids were 8 and 5 - in his case it was football matches that involved 3 hours at the pub too plus 3 or 4 nights meeting mates and playing pool etc -

Tell him to get home? Or have you tried that? Who is the friend... sounds a bit off to me. 9 hours out the house on a Saturday is obscene when you have a newborn and DC1. Sounds like he knew his time was up booking full days out, so he got sneaky and popped out then didn't come back.

100% go out all day tomorrow. Presumably sleep deprived with a baby who you can't leave but can you go see a friend or family member for the day?

Something is off. He says he's not coming home. I'm heartbroken

What was his reason? Do you know who he is with?

I'd be texting back, 'If you are not coming home now, I am assuming you are ending our marriage. You don't get to behave like this without repercussions'.

And do not be heartbroken. At the moment, he's no loss. Find your anger.

What an arse!

That is all just so out of order.

Do you have any family/friends local to you who can be with you tonight?

No reason. Just a text message saying he's staying with a friend tonight. I've tried calling, no answer. So out of character. How will I cope on my own with two kids? This is so out of the blue.

I have no family nearby.

AllAtSeaAgain · Today 20:15
I'd be texting back, 'If you are not coming home now, I am assuming you are ending our marriage. You don't get to behave like this without repercussions'.

And do not be heartbroken. At the moment, he's no loss. Find your anger.

Spot on!

OP - do do have a family member/friend who can come over to be with you

OP, I’m so sorry, this will be hard to come back from. Do you have people you can call on?

You will cope though, as women always do.

Staying out for the entire night? After popping to the gym at 10am. So is he in his dirty gym kit?? On a night out? This doesn't add up.

Because nothing changes for men and having children is women's work. This will only to get worse. He sounds like an arse.

Ignore the state of the house by the way, fed, and not dead is your mantra tonight

You need to read him the bloody riot act. No way I'd tolerate that.
You must be exhausted. I've had colleagues crying at work because their husbands do nothing. It's a disgrace.

If he wasn't like this with the first baby, could he have a touch of post natal depression? Maybe he is overwhelmed and this is his way of coping?

That sounds amazing. Work is piss easy compared to being at home all day with small children.

He went out in gym clothes and is staying out all day/night - sorry to ask but is his friend female? I think maybe his head has been turned because he knows how you feel but is willing to wreck everything for someone else (sorry to say I don't believe he's with a guy friend)