My husband is taking the p**s!!

[rosetta32]

I need to rant because I have nowhere else to rant. But I'm getting so frustrated with my husband.

We have a newborn baby and a 20 month old, so it's all very chaotic in the house, very busy, little sleep etc.

I am on maternity leave so at home with the kids in the week, which is lovely but also very tiring. When it comes to the weekend, it's nice to get a bit of a break and share responsibilities but this does not seem to be the case. He keeps booking golf days at the weekend (6-8 hours), football trips.

Today, he said he was nipping to see his friend and the gym at 10am. It's 7pm and he's not home, decided to enjoy the weather and grab drinks. I'm just furious, tired and pretty upset. Has he checked out do we think :(?

@rosetta32 just as a side note, have his parents, who are now hosting your (d)p, been told your side of the story or just his embellished side?? do they know what is really going on? just so they stop thinking the sun shines out of their sons backside????

Then take the baby and leave him the toddler :)

I bet 2h max and he blow your phone of texts asking when you are back 🤣🤣 don’t let him off the hook! It is a partner not your third child…

wow just read he went to his parents…

you need to make sure when he is back, he accepts the responsibility. If he didn’t know whzt kids entailled, that is a massive fail from his part. Not you. Him not knowing isn’t an excuse to not do.

how are you op?

The more people proclaim loudly that they would never do something, the more likely they are to do it. They are trying to convince themselves and others. I don't, for instance, proclaim loudly that I'd never go skydiving. I'm terrified of heights so I never even think of jumping out of a plane. I mean if I went into the sitting room and told my spouse who is watching golf that I was never going to go skydiving he'd think I'd lost it.

I am really sorry though about his behaviour and the fact that things changed when you had the second baby he wanted and which he now ignores. I imagine some "friend" he met "after the split" will slither out in due course. Or maybe she will be less keen on playing stepmother to a toddler and baby on her weekends at the love nest and with less money because of child support? In that case, he'll come crawling back.

He is not being straight with you because he wants to keep you on the backburner just in case it doesn't work with her. Soon though he'll start criticising you and rewriting history - that he was never happy, was never in love with you and never wanted the second baby and so forth and that it's all your fault that he cheated. I am glad that your family are being so supportive. I'd be collating information and seeking immediate legal advice. Don't let him drive the narrative - tell his parents what is going on. Point out that it's sad how much less they'll see of the grandchildren or maybe they will see a great deal too much of them if he stays with them and dumps the childcare on them or hosts them there every weekend.

The snuggling up would make my skin creep. Frankly, I'd be starting divorce proceedings and going for everything I was entitled to. He doesn't get to run home to mummy and daddy while you wring your hands and look after the children. Actions have consequences.

Hope you are OK this morning. Just remember you are a wonderful woman and a brilliant Mummy and you can absolutely do this. Your family support sounds life saving.
Please tell his parents face to face what's happened. Women are strong, you are strong and he, sadly, is a loser.

Unfortunately so many people especially men I’ve noticed became like the parents they hate. I’ve known many violent abusive men who I know grew up crying in corners seeing their Dad knock their Mum about.

I’m not saying that because his mum cheated, he will do too but it definitely wouldn’t be unusual if this were the case.

It must be very difficult…I’m so glad at least you have supportive family and friends rallying around.

Hope you are OK, OP.

As Churchill once said, when you're going through Hell, keep going.

You will be happier, healthier and free of this lump of uselessness soon. Let him run back to mummy, but make sure you tell her the truth too.

So sorry you’re going through this. Please make sure you take care of yourself, it’s so easy to loose yourself in these situation, accept the help when it’s offered x

I never thought I would recover when my first marriage broke down. But I did! And life is great now

I heard a saying the other day, ‘an apology without a change of behaviour is NOT an apology’. Lightbulb moment!
Sending hugs x

Hope todays a better day for you @rosetta32 🌸 try and do something you find relaxing if you have a chance. Doesn’t need to be fancy like a spa!

Go for a walk, play your favourite playlist etc …I’m going to do some baking this morning as that’s my thing.

Pleased you have a lot of support around you . Stay strong and firm with him . He’s being so selfish.

Yet another man who thinks he can go and do whatever he wants, with no regard for his partner or children. What is going on? No doubt there are some decent men who do their fair share, but there seem to be so many selfish men, at least on Mumsnet.

I am in my seventies and I thought things had changed but it seems to me that men are just as selfish as they ever were - and perhaps even more selfish.

I am so sorry that you have this to put up with rosetta, and I hope you have the support of friends and family.

Possibly one of the daftest responses I’ve seenon MN ever. Yes she’s going to go to work and let the husband give birth and breastfeed the baby. Honestly have a little think about it 🙄

How are you getting on OP? We are all rooting for you xx

Things seem to be going from bad to worse really.

Husband was meant to be coming over today as he had annual leave to talk things over. Anyway, turns out golf came first again, and he messaged to say he was 'really sorry but running late' - to which I said you know what, just do not bother. Feel so sad for the kids, but just shows his priority levels. If he was so desperately wanting to sort things out, he would have been at the house first thing, not squeezing golf in!

Parents have been here, so been nice to have their support and have a good sob with Mum.

All of us are also full of cold, so sleep just is not happening. I think I need to speak with my doctor tomorrow as I am just feeling so low.

Thank you for all checking in and caring. X

What an absolute wanker. Honestly, do not give him another chance. Nothing is going to change his mindset. If his young child, newborn baby and vulnerable wife isn’t enough then nothing will be

Oh sweetheart
One foot in front of the other, keep going.

And did he have any reaction to you telling him not to bother? Good for you. Take back control. Onwards.

He's a total prick! He's so so selfish!
Could your mum have the kids overnight one night this weekend so you can get some sleep? It would help your mental health so much xx

That’s horrible, seems very cowardly. He clearly doesn’t want to face up to what he’s doing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he deliberately done that so you’d cancel the meeting altogether 😣

Hope you all feel better soon.

He sounds awful but I’m so glad your parents are there supporting you.

You’re so right, if he wanted this marriage and your family to work then you would be the priority, not golf! It sort of feels like he expects you to calm down and for this all to blow over.

Good idea to speak to your gp. I hope you’re able to sleep better tonight!

I don’t know you, but I sure am proud of you! Well done!
You have been absolutely amazing in the shittiest of situations.

GPs can be great when you’re feeling low.

Im glad your kids have a mum like you, because with a dad that selfish, they’re gonna need a good parent x

His behaviour is just dreadful OP. He really has totally checked out of your marriage.
It's a miserable enough situation you are having to deal with and being full of cold just makes things worse. I hope the gp can help you. And it's good you have your family support.
Stay strong and things will get better.