My husband is taking the p**s!!

[rosetta32]

I need to rant because I have nowhere else to rant. But I'm getting so frustrated with my husband.

We have a newborn baby and a 20 month old, so it's all very chaotic in the house, very busy, little sleep etc.

I am on maternity leave so at home with the kids in the week, which is lovely but also very tiring. When it comes to the weekend, it's nice to get a bit of a break and share responsibilities but this does not seem to be the case. He keeps booking golf days at the weekend (6-8 hours), football trips.

Today, he said he was nipping to see his friend and the gym at 10am. It's 7pm and he's not home, decided to enjoy the weather and grab drinks. I'm just furious, tired and pretty upset. Has he checked out do we think :(?

Men have the total luxury of checking out when it gets too much, and I don’t feel that any amount of heart to heart discussion about how hard having two tiny kids all day on your own and then even 50/50 over night properly gets through. They do not get it.

Mine are 2 and 1 with a 15 month gap and I think you’re a total warrior for managing this how you are. I couldn’t do bed time on my own for two that young until about 6 months in.

My DP didn’t get it but thankfully has improved. My friend went through a similar thing to you and as a final straw wrote him a letter, took the kids away in a caravan with her mum for a few days and started the process of putting the house on the market. It frightened the life out of him seeing how lonely he would be and he finally started to change. Could you do something similar?

whatever happens, hang in there OP. My youngest is 16 months and it’s significantly easier and I can see how next year it will be even better. Keep going, you’ve got this.

Hear hear! It’s not a “people problem” when it’s overwhelmingly men who do stuff like this. I’ve only met a handful of single fathers in my whole life compared to so many single mothers.

Not to mention the amount of “single married mothers” ie women doing the most childcare and housework despite working as much as their partner.

PP talking about going to spa's and going away, it's really not reasonable with a newborn and toddler is it? I'm not sure I know any woman who would want to leave the kids behind with a feckless fuckwit either 🤷🏻‍♀️ who would be paying would be my next question?
Good luck to you OP 🌺

Sorry to hear things haven’t been resolved. It’s very sensible you’ve taken note of the fact things aren’t “matching up” when someone’s behaviour is confusing you can often find the answer in their actions rather than their words.

As I said, I hope I’m wrong but I fear he’s carefully planned all of this to drive you to make this decision. You’ll find the answer to this in how he responds. It’s so sad what some people will throw away and the fact that they won’t even be direct about wanting to throw it away.

I really really hope this isn’t the case but last summer my partner lost interest in me and our DS 4 when I was 3 months pregnant with number 2. He even went so far as to fly home early from a family holiday with a flimsy excuse about some sport commitment.

He then said he was unhappy and moved out for a couple of weeks in September but came back because I had a difficult pregnancy and needed his help. He knew I thought it was with a view to reconciling.

When DD was 5 days old he told me he was leaving for another woman he had been seeing since last summer. Once the affair came out it correlated exactly with a change in behaviour. And I too never thought for a second he was having an affair, up until the moment he told me, I would’ve bet my house that he was faithful and would never leave his family.

Like I say, I really hope this isn’t the case but don’t rule it out and make sure you get to the bottom of this possibility.

So sorry OP. What a shit bag

PP talking about going to spa's and going away, it's really not reasonable with a newborn and toddler is it? I'm not sure I know any woman who would want to leave the kids behind with a feckless fuckwit either 🤷🏻‍♀️ who would be paying would be my next question?
👏 Classic MN, ‘the spa is the solution to everything’. Throw thousands at the problem, spend a week worrying if your kids are safe with clueless DH and return home to clear up the inevitable dumpster the house has become in your absence. That ought to sort it eh.

I agree that disappearing off to a spa won’t solve anything

Make sure he knows he'll have the kids on his own several days per week (even if its not nights for the youngest just yet). The relationship might be over but he still has to parent his kids. You'll have to be tough on yourself and make sure to TAKE the days off you want. No ifs buts or maybes. Pick the days you want child free and tell him that's what's happening.

I'm so sorry OP. Acquaint yourself with your options using the free family law groups on FB - honestly they blinking saved me a fortune!

Strength

Sorry - posted too soon - strength in the knowledge that when things don't match up, and they start gaslighting, / minimising, you know they're a lying piece of shit.

I don't understand this.
Sorry, English is not my first language and
I haven't heard this expression before.
😐

What a horrible tone deaf comment

Do you hate women?

Perhaps we can just ignore that misogynist poster now , don’t encourage him to keep posting their nonsense on this thread.

I'm so sorry love but you'll cope on your own as you are 99% doing it alone anyway.

I'm astounded, not only have you got snippy when the op answered you, but I've never read such a load of twaddle. She is entitled to and needs maternity leave, to let her body recover from pregnancy, birth and to bond with baby, it's also as tiring as hell making breastmilk and breast feeding, husband should have had paternity leave and been looking after her. Also when your a parent there is no such thing as days off.
As for put yourself in his shoes, are you for real, honestly I think your taking the piss here yourself, try thinking before typing next time!!

Did your DH want a second child? You say he was fine with the first.

Good luck op

It’s not on op, he’s being incredibly selfish. When you have young children at home, non working time is family
time unless it’s been agreed otherwise. Golf is particularly bad in terms of using up ridiculous amounts of time and I’m afraid regular golfing trips aren’t conducive with parenting young children. Your DH needs to step up to his responsibilities and fast!

I really don't see what this has to do with anything. The second child was not an immaculate conception and is here.

How are things @rosetta32

She said he was the one pushing for having a second child.

@rosetta32 hope you’re ok. We’re all rooting for you x