Husband has told me he is going to Thailand.

[Ilivetosleep]

My husbands older brother turns 50 this year. He is married and hads a new born baby. This afternoon when I got home from work ,my husband has declared that him, his brother, his nephew and two of their cousins are going to Thailand for his 50th. He hasn't mentioned this to me before and we have 4 kids and custody of my niece. Would you find this odd and worrying??

i suppose this is why the marriage has lasted so long

the Op just brushes things under the carpet

Iwhen I was on line dating I got a few messages off men who had an expectation of what I would be like. Subservient and domestic and exotic. Because of my ethnicity. Then they’d hear me speak 😂

Comparison with female tourists to Cuba / Jamaica isn’t the same. Purely on numbers.

A friend of mine got involved when she went on holiday to Jamaica. We were a bit horrified. She thought it was real.

have you been to Thailand?

@Bub1765

the type of man such as yourself who spend hours and hours posting on… mumsnet
is probably not the type of man to engage with male friends about using sex workers

It's funny how quickly men on MN instantly fall back to their default position of telling women they don't understand. You just can't help yourself, can you?

1 in 7 men admit to using a sex worker.

The actual number is likely to be higher.

Many more men will joke about having sex with sex workers.

Instead of just agreeing that men's exploitation of women is bad, you're NAMALTing, which is funny given your generalisations about women. So far, so cliched.

Well I am inclined to agree. My dh said he would feel very uncomfortable having a conversation like that with his male friends. I think a lot would. But of course some wouldn't mind at all. We are all just people

Imagine if we had a photo gallery of them. I think people who knew them would be shocked.

I think maybe 80% of men would take part in this just because it's in their nature.

And the other 10-15pc would succumb to the gf experience

'It's in their nature'

What is precisely?

I am ethnically Indian- born in Malaysia. Quite often on Mumsnet I see quite a lot of stereotypical views of Asian women. On this thread I am seeing us as being portrayed as subservient, looking for white people's pensions and sex workers. I do wonder how many of you actually meet anyone from a different race or travel very much outside of main tourist destinations? The same stereotypes of non-western women often come up on discussion topics covering anything to do with Muslim women.

Well coincidentally, I am an Indian origin Singaporean and I think you are very wrong. Does my brown card cancel yours? Where are the stereotypical views of Asian/muslim women expressed in this thread? Receipts please.

I have spoken about my time in Asia and conversations I have had with women, two of whom are now relatives.

During my time in Thailand I met many women. Some in the sex trade and some highly educated professionals. I have nothing but respect for the women I met.

I have stated several times the situation is complex.

I genuinely sorry you feel there are stereotypes. Really.

My condemnation had been exclusively for the sex tourists.

@mirax Please simply read above for posts on Thai women marrying white people for their pensions, the allure of marrying third world people etc. It is quite clear from some simple scanning.

I never said this thread was anti-muslim I said some other threads were.

Perhaps you can tell me where I apply for my "brown card". I do not think I have one of those?

You have a great perspective about it. It's a reflection of your marriage bur not in

I said upthread that I experienced this stereotyping by men. Because of my ethnicity.

of course it’s not right. However. Having Been to Thailand I see the stereotype perpetuated. It isn’t right.

And I don’t understand why the Thai govt continue to allow it to happen. It is just going to get worse and spoil a beautiful country.

I’m the one that posted about pensions as I couldn’t understand why it was happening. So I asked around. And that seems the most common answer.

There are of course exceptions to the rule but sadly I don't know any men who go on short holidays to Thailand (as in not travelling) for respectable reasons, either.

One of my neighbours will freely admit to going there on his own, several times a year. Everyone knows why he goes and he doesn't give a shit

This is not to say all Thai/Asian women engage in prostitution or are subservient, but there's no denying that there's a prominent and cheap sex industry over there - with access to much younger women/girls than there is typically in the UK.

Honestly OP I couldn't entertain it

I personally haven't got a stereotypical view of Asian women. However, I do know that Thailand is big on the sex trade. It is known for it. It is actually infamous for it. It is where groups of British men go to get laid. A lot of British men, (usually old fat ones) also meet Thai brides (usually young attractive ones) online. There's even a name for it - "mail order brides".

I've never once seen anyone on Mumsnet being derogatory about Muslim women. Can you give me an example?

Going away for a weekend with your sister when you were newly married and no children in the house is not the same as him jetting off for an indefinite amount of time and leaving all the responsibility and care of 5 children in the home to you.

He cannot compare the two examples. Doubt very much he'd be ok with you taking off and leaving him at home with 5 kids. At the very least this requires a discussion, not him telling you that he is just going to do this 🙄. And if you agree it is going to happen then a discussion needs to be in place as to when you get the same time off and he's the one dealing with everything at home.

I’ve reported a few comments that were anti Muslim. Yes it does happen.

And other racist comments.

This thread imo isn’t that. It’s an observation of Thailand tourists and sex industry.

Ahhh I hadn't read the full thread.

I'd not be inclined to believe he was joking tbh - more testing the water to see how clued up you are!

He's always trying to convince me

@Ilivetosleep

Sorry. Fat fingers. And sorry that it's so long.

I was just saying that the pranking and misfired joke reflects your marriage in a positive way. It sounds like you both have a healthy sense of humor, and you're comfortable with each other. You weren't being gullible or naive. He said something outrageous expecting you to laugh because it would obviously be so unlike him. It just didn't turn out like he planned.

Everything you said about him makes it clear he's NOT a sleazy guy. That's why you were so shocked; your reaction and his surprise that you believed him is actually what makes all of it funny, precisely because it's so out-of-character!

You know your DH is not a twat; he wasn't sussing out if he could get away with cheating. It really was meant as a joke, and it's an indication of a healthy marriage that you can take it that way!

I got married in 1979. Love and respect are essential, but the truest thing I know is that sex and laughter are the glue that hold a marriage together.

Sounds like you and your DH are lucky enough to know that, too. 😊

If you're a poster who doesn't think it was a joke, it's no surprise that's how you feel. Unfortunately, a lot of women are treated badly and are left with trust issues; their instincts are likely to make them see this incident in the most negative light. The outrage posters felt on the OP's behalf is understandable. I was just as outraged until her update. I'm not a Cool Wife; there's no way in hell I would be okay with a lad's holiday, especially one to a place with a well-known reputation for sex tourism.

There's another thread right now where the husband has told his wife he is going on holiday with his 40-year-old friends and a group of twenty-something girls they met on their last trip. Several men cheated with some of these girls and one left his marriage because of it. Now they're going on holiday because the two groups "got on so well together." 🙄 The wife is NOT invited; it's obvious why they're planning their trip.

But this thread is very different. The trip is real but her DH's participation isn't. He even told her in front of her mother! It was truly just a joke that misfired badly. @Ilivetosleep realizes that, and it's okay for her to think that way.