Husband has told me he is going to Thailand.

[Ilivetosleep]

My husbands older brother turns 50 this year. He is married and hads a new born baby. This afternoon when I got home from work ,my husband has declared that him, his brother, his nephew and two of their cousins are going to Thailand for his 50th. He hasn't mentioned this to me before and we have 4 kids and custody of my niece. Would you find this odd and worrying??

I think this tells you everything you need to know

I HAVE been to Thailand thank you

I think to suggest everyone who visits is a sex tourist runs the risk of stereotyping the place and the people. Yes there is sex tourism but plenty of people go to Thailand for other reasons.

Yeh it was a “joke” if you got upset about it. He was really just testing the water & totally would’ve gone had you been ok with it!

Agree with this. Unfortunately OP your husband is planning a sex holiday. I feel for you. I also agree with a PP who said at least one of these men is a predator. This would finish the relationship if it was me.

He's at rugby practice at the moment and I've only just got in with the younger ones. We're both constantly exhausted. I work full time.

How does he have time to play rugby with 5 kids at home and you working full time?

Do you get equal leisure time?

If both agree this BIL is a nightmare I can see how it's a joke as neither should believe he would do it.
DH has/had a friend who is a complete loser and he has distanced himself from over the years. If he joked he was coming round the house I might panic for a second or two before realising he wasn't serious. A common type of joke that lots of couples engage in.
OP missed the joke in this instance as she was tired/stressed.

He took our eldest son to his rugby practice. Dh doesn't play rugby.

Blimey I wasn't expecting this post to blow up like this!I'm going to ask MN to close down the post now. Thanks for all your comments.

@C1N1C I'm not going to lie, it's great for the ego, but also incredibly disturbing as those girls look young.

“Great for the ego” having children offering you sex for pay? Are you for real? 😳

@MrsTerryPratchett I think what always tends to turn these threads into farce is when someone raises a statistical argument and then concludes "so obviously, your husband is going to be part of that negative statistic." It seems to come up on these forums time and time again where men - that no one on the forums have ever met - are given no benefit of the doubt whatsoever because of their gender. They're immediately written off as abusers, paedophiles and sex pests because of some Googled statistic or other.

Certain countries do have a reputation for sex tourism. Thailand is certainly one of them. But to automatically assume that the only reason men would go there for it:

1. Assumes most men want to pay for sexual services, when they don't; and
2. That Thailand has absolutely nothing else to offer but sex, which plenty of people here have already quite rightly refuted.

What I find sexist and racist about this approach is the way that people immediately assume the worst of others - people that they don't know - based on negative stereotypes. It's like arguing that people only want to go to Colombia to snort coke or only go to Norway so that they can eat whale.

It's perfectly plausible for well adjusted people to travel to Thailand because it has a thriving nightlife, stunning beaches and amazing food all of which would appeal a lot more to all the men I know than seedy sex tourism.

Strawmanning is not good argument. No one suggested that everyone who visits Thailand is a sex tourist. Men only groups or single men are highly likely to be. You may still demur that this is "stereoptyping" and I wouldn't waste any more time arguing with unserious people on the internet.

Hurra middle rate and low mob. Just finished talk to them

They're immediately written off as abusers, paedophiles and sex pests because of some Googled statistic or other.

The denial is strong. It is my lived experience as a many time visitor to the country - you know, having eyes and ears that work, conversations with actual Thais- that informs my opinion.

You're still relying on statistics to judge people you don't know.

Quite frankly, the kind of men who would go to Thailand for paid sex can almost certainly get it just as easily within a 5 mile radius of their homes in England.

In other words, the idea of men suddenly turning into sex pests in Thailand and then switching back to normal on their return is quite unlikely. The chances are they will already be paying for sex in England.

Equally, men who don't seek paid sex in England are quite unlikely to suddenly seek it in Thailand.

Not so fast OP, you were the one posting. You took your H’s words at face value as did we.

He isn't actually going.

However, the OP has plenty of reasons to distrust her BiL and his motives so I doubt she's wrong

@Nanny0gg Yeah, but like I said in a later post, the thing with her BiL is if he's not to be trusted then he can probably pay for sex somewhere within about 5 miles of his house. He doesn't need to travel to Thailand for it.

I think that's what I object to most about this thread. I mean, sure, it's annoying that there is an assumption that most men would want to pay for sex, they really don't (not least because getting ego flattered before sex is quite important to most men!) but it's more the insinuations about Thailand I don't like.

Just because it isn't so street based doesn't mean England doesn't have its seedy side too and those English men who are flocking to Thailand for paid sex probably tried it out in England first.

This is such bullshittery. Firstly, can you explain "the kind of men who pay for sex"? There is no one kind of man who pays for sex. Stereotyping much I think.
Secondly, prostitution in Thailand is readily available (like handed on a plate available) and dirt cheap. The same cannot be said for England. He would also be running a high risk of being found out or seen, or worse still arrrested. Who's going to know what he's doing in Thailand thousands of miles away with a group of mates.

Going to Thailand for cheap and easy sex is part of the craic. It's not a secret. Groups of blokes who wouldn't use prostitutes on their own doorstep go over there for that very purpose. A good helping of sun, booze and weed all help them along too.

Have you ever been to Thailand?

men who don't seek paid sex in England are quite unlikely to suddenly seek it in Thailand.

I don't think this is necessarily true. In certain places in Thailand the sex trade is pervasive and persuasive. It's very visible, normalised and easily available. You don't have to seek it out, it will come to you. Just as people behave with less inhibitions on holiday, get drunk and do daft stuff they wouldn't do at home so some tourists will have the 'what happens in X stays in X' mindset. Park your morals and enjoy yourself, don't question the situation too much and pretend to accept the 'girlfriend' ruse - it's to their benefit too, right? Not.

They're immediately written off as abusers, paedophiles and sex pests because of some Googled statistic or other

@Bub1765

Oh won’t someone think of the poor menz…..

the very fact that you have to claim the perspective of women who have lived and worked in Thailand is based on a “googled statistic” speaks for itself.

[assumes] That Thailand has absolutely nothing else to offer but sex, which plenty of people here have already quite rightly refuted

not one person has said that is all Thailand has to offer. You’re either thick or disingenuous.

(not least because getting ego flattered before sex is quite important to most men!)

there is literally a man on this thread stating he gets an ego boost from being approached by prostituted in Thailand 🙄

1. If you want to bandy around negative stereotypes, then you need to get used to being challenged on it.

2. Where have I claimed the perspective of women who have lived and worked in Thailand?

3. Why would it make any difference to this particular set of circumstances anyway?

4. Read the whole thread before calling me thick or disingenuous. What is thick and disingenuous is deciding you have the right to draw conclusions based on remote statistics and stereotypes.

Of course he fucking won't. Men like @C1N1C are more insidious than the brazen nonces and woman haters because they pretend not to be.

Spending enough time posting on a website that's generally intended for women and mothers that I recognise his username, genuinely thinks he's one of the good guys.

Gets his ego stroked by a trafficked child offering him sex, and is tone deaf enough to brag about it to a group of women as if we're supposed to be impressed that he didn't shag the child and just enjoyed the ego boost.

Let us burst his bubble and let him know that those pimped out girls don’t find him attractive the least, they just want his money to feed their families or so the pimp is nice to them. Yeah… Such an ego boost to be approached by prostituted poor children from the third world.

😧😳😳

It’s not just paid for sex. It’s stuff like the girlfriend experience. They actually date.in return for a hope of gifts or a marriage.