Husband has told me he is going to Thailand.

[Ilivetosleep]

My husbands older brother turns 50 this year. He is married and hads a new born baby. This afternoon when I got home from work ,my husband has declared that him, his brother, his nephew and two of their cousins are going to Thailand for his 50th. He hasn't mentioned this to me before and we have 4 kids and custody of my niece. Would you find this odd and worrying??

@Pinkfluffypencilcase It's still going to appeal only to a narrow cross section of men and it's one of those seedy things which men are more likely to do alone rather than in a group.

I disagree. I’d say it is a rare man that would resist.

They probably would be flattered to have attention from a beautiful young woman. It is transactional but I hated seeing it. It still feels predatory / seedy.

…boy?

I disagree. They are more likely to do it if holidaying in a group, egging each other on, justifying it to themselves as 'everybody does it' They all know why men go to Thailand. And no, it's not a narrow cross section. It's a lot of them.

On what grounds would you say it was rare that men would resist?

Whilst a noticeable number of men:

1. Pay for sex;
2. Have affairs with women younger than them;
3. Otherwise cheat.

They're still not representative of men as a whole. To say that they are is the same kind of stereotyping as calling every woman who marries a man richer than her a "gold digger." We know such women probably exist but they're a lot less common than the stereotype.

If only it were so clear cut. I spent a month on Samui 20 years ago - when it was still 'high end' and 'not touristy' - and met numerous groups of youngish men, all very pleasant with good jobs and fiancées/wives/girlfriends at home, with their hired Thai girlfriends.

When I went to a bar off-resort in the evenings, on my own or with a male companion, I always ended up chatting to a couple of bar girls whose drinks I had to buy every time I bought one for myself. They had to be getting money out of every tourist but could get away with talking at my table for a few hours, until it was obvious I wasn't up for a 'show' or a 'massage', etc. I felt that, as long as I was giving them a break, I was helping in a small way.

I'd booked a fortnight in Bangkok but left after one day. The exploitation was so in your face, I found it upsetting - and I've lived quite happily in places with high sex tourism. Poor Thailand ... and Cambodia, Vietnam, etc, though I've not seen those for myself.

Just the numbers I saw over there.

Conversation with a man with a Thai wife. He says they want access to the pension. He gets a wife that’ll look after him 🤷🏽‍♀️

It is everywhere in some form or other. I found it difficult to see too. And I couldn’t reconcile the land of smiles and a conservative nation with it.

I'm a man and I cant get my head around the idea of getting an ego boost from a sex worker who is either soliciting for business or being paid to be interested in you.

I never said they didn't exist. But most men would never stop laughing at another bloke who got themselves a Thai bride because it's sad and seedy.

I'm a man too. The point I was making was that men don't pay for sex because it does nothing for their ego (quite the opposite in fact).

A lot of the women on here are suggesting given half a chance we'd happily pay for sex. Presumably you agree with me that it's seedy and we'd probably want to disassociate with any of our mates who admitted to doing it?

I went to Hamburg on my own - went up the sex district twice, fascinating but not once did I even think about going into a sex shop let alone anything else!!

I think a lot of men see it as ‘lads will be lads’ behaviour.

My ex used to portray himself as a big champion of women, mentoring women at work, posting on LinkedIn about equality for women in the workplace etc.

And then I’d hear him on the phone laughing with his friends about mates getting with sex workers on holiday. Even though I didn’t think he’d see a sex worker himself, the fact that he thought it was fine for other men totally put me off.

Jeez, the naivety on this thread beggars belief. Do people honestly think it's only seedy little men that wank themselves off in bedsits that go to Thailand for sex. Groups of men of all ages and demographics from bio chemistry students to bloody bank managers go there to sample the almost inescapable and cheap as chips sex. It's a wish list thing, a once in a lifetime walk on the wild side and lads will be lads thing. Asian girls are also considered waaay more desirable and exotic than the often drug ravaged prostitues in this country that many of these blokes wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

To the latest lot of male posters with hurty feelz about the "stereotyping":
If you are not the sort of man who would buy sex on a trip with your mates to Thailand, have a cookie. That doesnt distract from the fact that thousands of men do so shamelessly.

I think one thing I've learned on Mumsnet is that women like to think they understand men. They really don't and this whole thread demonstrates it.

I have never in my 41 years ever been involved in a conversation with my male friends about using sex workers, being a sex tourist or even anything seedy. If your ex did you were just unlucky.

Thailand doesn't have a 'reputation'. It has a recognised, international, statistical issue as the child rape-for-money capital of the world.

The issue with male-only or solo male holidays is this; they are offered sex all the time. By trafficked and often under-age women and girls. Would you go somewhere you were constantly offered sex for money? From trafficked boys? Or would it make you uncomfortable? Want a massage, a drink, to sit somewhere, walk down the street; offered sex. I was very ill for a few days and my poor boyfriend was alone. He showed me his 'favourite bar' when I recovered and I was baffled... Snake charming and a Thai boxing ring in the middle. I was like 'why?'. He said because it was weird and had the boxing, he didn't get hassled for money for sex there like everywhere else. It's rife.

A man going with a group like OP's DH would have been, with dodgy BIL, at the very least BIL WOULD be fucking trafficked women. Would you go on holiday with someone who was doing that? Just to look at temples? Of course you wouldn't.

I never mentioned prostitutes.
I have gone many times as I said, from about the age of 10, all the way up to now. It's a fun place, and a nice 'hub' around central Asia. I was waved at, and followed, even at ten years old by girls and women alike. They are very curious about 'farangs' (foreigners), and that is what is quite fun, even if you have no intentions. I hear frequently about the 'advances' of men on here, how men will wolf whistle, chat you up, how you can get 100 messages a day on dating apps etc... I can only imagine how uncomfortable that might be on a daily basis, because men don't get that. Even the locals are that forward in Thailand, and as a one-off, in a non-sexual way, it's (as I said) a nice ego boost to feel 'popular'. The prostitutes are going to give anyone attention, but they're easy enough to avoid (avoid those streets, and anyone in hot pants, neon colours, or with tattoos, as 'good' Thai girls traditionally don't do that). They all look youthful though (Asian genes), and that's probably why many men go there, but that's not my thing.

they're easy enough to avoid (avoid those streets, and anyone in hot pants, neon colours, or with tattoos, as 'good' Thai girls traditionally don't do that). They all look youthful though (Asian genes), and that's probably why many men go there, but that's not my thing.

Yuk yuk yuk.

Oh FFs. Thais are so curious about foreigners. What- like they have never seen one before in the wild?

I'm not even going to start on the so-called 'good' Thai girl (non trafficked woman) compared with the trafficked sex slave.

Ahhh… the “allure” of “dating” poor women from third world countries because they’re young, naive, used to serve men and “easily controllable” (it usually doesn’t end well). On the other hand lots of western mature women flocking to Cuba and Jamaica to search for toy boys for the same reason so sexual tourism is not only a “man’s thing” apparently.

I agree men react to beauty . I've seen men go tongue tied in front of beautiful women.

you were asking about your husband of 25 years going to thailand with the very evident concern that he was doing do to not just cheat on you but cheat on you in all likelihood with underage prostitutes

and you seem surprised that that it “blow up” 😕

If you can find statistics that female tourism for trafficked sex to Cuba is a tenth, fuck it a hundredth, of male trafficked sex tourism to Thailand, I'll eat my hat.

Yes, female sex tourism happens in Morocco, Turkey, Cuba, Jamaica, the Gambia. It's not typically underage, it's not typically trafficking. There is an economic imbalance that makes me uncomfortable but it's not remotely the same thing.

@C1N1C

yuck yuck yuck

I was waved at, and followed, even at ten years old by girls and women alike. They are very curious about 'farangs' (foreigners), and that is what is quite fun, even if you have no intentions.

You said it was an “ego boost”

and now we hear the detail. 10 years old.

You should have a Warning label tattooed on your forehead

Thank goodness you haven’t had any children