Husbands friendship group are cheaters

[Sunseasand1]

My husband has come back from a weekend away with friends and family last month, where one of the group ended up having an affair, which resulted in the end of his longstanding marriage, and a second friend cheated. None of this information was offered by my husband, who said he was trying to protect them.
I am certain my husband was faithful.
Problem being they are planning another weekend away with the group of girls they met, one of whom is now the new gf of his family member.
My husband is now the only member of the group with a wife, and doesn’t want to miss the weekend away with his family members, one of whom lives abroad. But surely I’m right to be worried and upset about this.

Iv chose to go with mine !!! The group isn't happy. Especially the birthday girl lol she sent a voice note to my husband saying I'm crazy and that iv invited myself. No dear I'm coming because my husband is not going on a holiday with his friends and 7 other women. I'm not crazy , you are !

@Tahoma72

Have you got purple hair?

Weird question. I've got brown hair, a healthy relationship with a lovely man and a daughter with him, who we'll be raising to value herself and other people so she isn't so misogynistic / insecure she calls women slags and divides them into categories based on whether men want to shag them or not.

As if, come on ! If real, why is your DP going on a holiday where men are praying on young women?

I think most people would find this situation creepy- if I were friends with any of the women going on the trip, if I were a partner of one of the men, clearly even unassoociated third parties would. The men sound like they are going through a mid life crisis. Very yuck all round

What does this mean?

In general, it's strange to have black and white rules about what married people can and can't do holiday - wise. In my family we prefer to go away as a nuclear family. In years where we can afford few holidays then we do them together. If we can afford more then some of the trips we'd do without each other are:

Best friend and I take our children ( husbands at work) to caravan style holiday by beach for 4 days during school holidays
Localish beach trip with my mum and my DC (husband at work)
Long weekend for friends wedding abroad (too expensive for everyone to go)
Good friend and I went away for two nights when she was visiting me from abroad
DP takes DC on camping trip with his family while I work
DP and his brother do a hiking long weekend

I think these are all mild! We don't do the big groups of lads/women style holidays away or go abroad with family without the other (for example I declined to go abroad with my siblings and parents without DC and DP). But I don't think those are a problem either, it's just your own dynamics. I'd never assume that there are general rules about this.

But! If real, the OPs husband's situation is totally different.

Good for you. Bday girl clearly had plans to make a move on your husband. Can’t believe she/they thought it was ok to invite him and exclude you!

I agree. Midlife crises. It’s the fact they’re planning to go on holiday with these women and leave their partners and wives at home - in effect replacing them with younger models to do holiday stuff they should be doing with their OH’s - and they can’t see why anyone would have a problem with this!!! 🤷🏼‍♀️ These scum buckets would NOT tolerate ‘their women’ doing the same thing but it’s alright bc they have cocks so it puts them in a different bracket. They probably spend most their evenings and wknds down the pub or on ‘lads’ nights in town trying to meet women like these that are desperate. Can’t believe neanderthals like this still exist 😒 and that women put up with it!

I think you should start your own thread!

40 is not a lad it’s a grown-arse man.

NFI OP is ridiculous disrespect and the DH should not be going along with it - unless of course he’s planning to shag one of the girls.

It’s one of the lads birthday weekend away, with his friends, and his gfs group of friends.
It’s not couples as such. But I’m the only other wife out of the group and so the only one not invited.
I do not know the other group of girls.

but if the friend is going with his girlfriend and her friends, then your husband can go with you his wife surely? Yeah, I’d find it quite disrespectful and a bit odd if I’m honest

Why would you be worried and upset if you trust him? He’s not the one who cheated leave him to it .

because he didn’t tell you what had happened over the weekend I 100% agree with this comment.

Yeah exactly! And they’re not lads and ‘girls’ they are grown men and women jeeeesus.

A man is known by the company he keeps!! I don't like the smell of it. At least, the group is not showing much respect or value for a stable relationship.

This is weird as hell, a lads trip but with girls? You're either massively deluded or naive as hell? The fact your husband thinks it's fine too? Sadly marriage means you miss out on holiday shag fests, as you've meant to have matured from all that. So what's your hubby doing then while the rest are all paired up?

Because her being there will twang any morsel of conscious they have left? Plus they can't behave like the teenage boys they have reverted back to? Since when did a cheap holiday fling rank above a wife?

If it was just a group of old mates (all same sex), I would say you are being unreasonable but this is a mixed group, with at least one girlfriend and a group of single women. You are not being unreasonable.
If it were me, I would be putting my foot down and telling DH 1) he takes me or 2) he doesn’t go.
It is clear that these girls will probably end up ‘partnering up’ with the men. Does DH realise/acknowledge this? You need to have a serious talk with him. Show him some of these responses.

The old gits ‘lads’ all sound perfectly hideous - why do some men suddenly start mourning the vibrancy and vigour of their youth after they hit 40? It's so lame. I swear all my male friends have hit that stage, like they have to get all their living done now while they’re in their ‘prime’. I’m eyerolling hard ifyoucan’ttell.

I wouldn’t want to go but I can understand why your other half would - it’s his mates, his family. He knows they’re pillocks but they’re his pillocks. That stuff sticks. If you trust him, and it sounds as though you do, then let him get on with it. He’ll see how tacky it all is…I mean, seriously…who the feck wants to hang out with kids in their twenties other than dickheads and other kids in their twenties? Anyone else feeling major Couples Retreat vibes? 😂

Does anyone believe that he's the only one that isn't getting laid whilst all his lad-mates are? What is he doing with himself if all the others are banging random girls?

I'm also not ok with how blasé he is about his mates casually cheating on their wives/partners, and especially concerned that he says he was protecting them?

No. The whole thing is gross

You do know the ruining of relationships isn't just on the girls here? The 'lads' also jumped into bed with two girls and screwed their own relationships.

Bloke’sl POV: I think it’s unfair. I get single sex group weekends away etc. tradition, nostalgia, the “guys” once a year get together, bonding etc, but this is a little thoughtless at best, either to not invite you, or not go. A little sleazy at worst.
if it was the other way around and it was you who were the one going away etc etc, how would he react, what would you do?

Come on... its not a lads trip for a start, they have a group of girls with them that they met on their last trip. Sounds like your husband wants to act single and go on 'lads' holidays. Let him go, find a 40 year old that acts like a man instead of a teenage boy.

What? And there were family members on that trip?

And not you?

And no one on that trip was rushing to talk to you right?

Why do you believe your husband was faithful?

Whatever was going on didn't trouble him enough to confide in you. You've been blanked and shut out and your views are unimportant.

And he's straight back out there with the philandering group.

Your husband is happier confiding in mates and other family members. Because they're a bunch of "What happen's in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

I'm guessing you're a person with your head buried in the sand - intentionally.

I haven't even guessed the reason why your husband keeps going on lads weekends away.

And your husband is not reassuring you and staying close to home. He's straight back out there for partying.

Why do you believe your husband is faithful?

This sounds proper sleazy tbh. A group of formally married 40+ year old men on a trip with girls young enough to be their daughters?

Sorry your husband and his mates sound like pervs. Me and my husband are early 30s and I can say with certainty neither of us or our friends would be wanting to go on a trip with 18 year olds in comparison.

Also hiding your mate’s dirty little secret doesn’t make you gallant or loyal, it means he was happy to lie/ hide things from YOU to cover for them. So no, I’d not be happy with a band of men more interested in getting their leg over with girls half their age than actually giving a shit about the women they married.

Run for the hills