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Original poster

Husbands friendship group are cheaters

396 replies

Sunseasand1 · 16/05/2024 10:51

My husband has come back from a weekend away with friends and family last month, where one of the group ended up having an affair, which resulted in the end of his longstanding marriage, and a second friend cheated. None of this information was offered by my husband, who said he was trying to protect them.
I am certain my husband was faithful.
Problem being they are planning another weekend away with the group of girls they met, one of whom is now the new gf of his family member.
My husband is now the only member of the group with a wife, and doesn’t want to miss the weekend away with his family members, one of whom lives abroad. But surely I’m right to be worried and upset about this.

OP posts:
azlazee1 · 20/05/2024 17:18

Going away a new girl group puts a whole new dynamic on the boys getaway. Ask your husband if he would be ok with you going away with a guy you know when he's gone. I agree with others who suggested that you go with him. This is no longer a stag group.

Gillbil · 20/05/2024 17:19

A group of 40yo men invite a group of 20yo women for a lads weekend ..... it doesn't sound great, sorry.
Imo I'd be concerned, if one of the lads was happy to invite his gf. Why hasn't your h invited you?
I'd be concerned that your h was so comfortable hiding his friends secrets from you- to protect them.
Was it obvious he was hiding something? And if he was did his caginess end when you found out..or get worse?
If it wasn't obvious, or his cagines got worse.. sorry but I'd have concerns

GreenClock · 20/05/2024 17:26

This is pretty seedy. At best, they’re looking for daft, besotted middle aged men to buy their drinks. At worst, he is planning to have sex with one of them.

I would not be insisting on going. I wouldn’t want to hang out with people like that particularly. Instead, I’d be telling my DH that if he goes, he can consider himself officially single.

DecoratingDiva · 20/05/2024 17:31

So your DH (mid 40s) is going on a lads weekend with a group of girls (mid 20s) and you are asking if you are right to be “worried & upset”.??

unless you are the one having the affair and want him out of the way then absolutely you should be furious he thinks that this is acceptable.

5128gap · 20/05/2024 17:34

WildHaks · 20/05/2024 16:26

I know the feeling, and the truth is that, if someone is going to cheat, and in this case a man, then trust me there is no way the woman will know if he plans it well. The problem with trust, and I mean the lack of, is that everything the person does is looked on as dishonest and untrustworthy and there will be times when you are wrong about him. In these times when the other person is not cheating but the stress and unhappiness brought on by the mistrust can put the man in a position where he does cheat even if he was not intending on cheating. This may sound stupid but its true. It's simple, from a woman's point of view does the person you are with make you happy or are they dismissive and cold. Do you feel safe, secure and loved. Do they spend time with you or look to get away at any opportunity. Do they want sex and do you give it. The other thing is, is the man you are with a very high earner. You have to accept or not the fact that men in the 1 percent earners have a much higher chance of cheating and this does not mean he does not love you, it's a pleasure release valve that the stress of the job brings and for some men they need this. If the relationship is strong and the sex life is very good then he may not need to get this from another woman. Lol woman say men are basic. Quite the contrary, men are very different animals

Show quote history

No, sorry. Not buying that. Women don't drive men to cheat because they mistrust them. Nor should they need to provide sex on tap and create environments of safety and whatever whatever...or be pleased his cheating means he still loves them, or accept that men need this that and the other. If they cheat it doesn't mean you've done wife-ing wrong, it means they're greedy, entitled duplicitous twats. Life isn't a Tammy Wynette song, and men aren't special superior beings to be fawned over and excused. And there is no way on God's green earth I'd be jumping through hoops to try and keep one who didn't want to stay.

mfbx5sf3 · 20/05/2024 17:40

This surely can't be real. Your husband wants to go on holiday with a group of girls half his age he met on his last holiday when they were shagging their way around the group of (at the time) married men. Come on OP women up- you cannot be that much of a pushover.

Branwells77 · 20/05/2024 17:48

The minute your husband found out the group of girls were going he should of said to his friends if they are going i am inviting my wife, how would he like it if the shoe was on the other foot because i bet you he would have something to say about it.
Good luck OP

badatdecisions · 20/05/2024 17:57

It's a very Wayne Lineker style of midlife crisis, I'm embarrassed for you. Really hoping mine will go down the car or tattoo route instead of this. Good luck.

HobbyHorse30 · 20/05/2024 18:00

You either trust your husband or you don’t, it’s that simple.

That said, his pals/relatives sound like they have definite arsehole tendencies and your husband would do well to stay well clear!

PalomaJaneintheDales · 20/05/2024 18:09

The OP left the thread days ago.

Ivymom · 20/05/2024 19:23

I would not be ok with my DH going on a trip like this without me. If he were going to visit with his friends, a bunch of twenty something women wouldn’t be going. It honestly sounds like one guy is bringing his partner and she is bringing friends for the other guys. These guys have a history of cheating. Your DH should want you there because he doesn’t want to be paired up with one of the girls. Honestly, he shouldn’t want to go on a trip with such morally corrupt people anyway.

Grammarnut · 20/05/2024 19:25

Sunseasand1 · 16/05/2024 11:18

It’s one of the lads birthday weekend away, with his friends, and his gfs group of friends.
It’s not couples as such. But I’m the only other wife out of the group and so the only one not invited.
I do not know the other group of girls.

Show quote history

Say you want to go, too. See how that plays.

Scottsy200 · 20/05/2024 19:32

A trip away with a group of girls one of which is a home wrecker

what could go wrong 🤣

are you really this gullible op?

CactusPeach · 20/05/2024 19:35

Sunseasand1 · 16/05/2024 11:15

No, I don’t think he would be unfaithful.
but for his group of friends to go away with this new group of girls I find very disrespectful.

Show quote history

I agree, I'd find it very disrespectful, your husband is caught in a difficult position, he wants to go with them and enjoy time with them but the atmosphere among this group is one that seems to encourage cheating and more laddish behaviour or at the very least condones cheating. You understandably find it unsettling and are uncomfortable with it, would you mind if he went or would that feel like he was disrespecting you?

Malo05 · 20/05/2024 20:06

It's fuckin grim a gang of middle aged sniffers going on holiday with women young enough to be their daughters. Zero in common other than getting pished and banging.

Getonwitit · 20/05/2024 20:07

Malo05 · 20/05/2024 20:06

It's fuckin grim a gang of middle aged sniffers going on holiday with women young enough to be their daughters. Zero in common other than getting pished and banging.

That's exactly what it is.

ScribblingPixie · 20/05/2024 20:26

Wow, no, a very hard no to this. Not ok at all.

earther · 20/05/2024 20:27

Do you fully 100% trust your husband?

Bellsbeachwaves · 20/05/2024 20:29

Er yabu. Nope. Sounds well dodgy.

Kellogg1 · 20/05/2024 20:29

Sunseasand1 · 16/05/2024 11:20

I’m not upset I’m not going, or not invited.
I don’t know these girls, but the fact 2 of them jumped into bed with two of the lads, ruined a marriage etc. I just don’t think many of them, lads or girls, have good intentions.
I am just upset my husband can’t realise him putting himself in this situation, and causing me upset is an issue.

Show quote history

Call me controlling etc but I wouldn’t allow it.

Play with fire and get burnt. Why the hell would I allow my DH to go on a lads holiday with a group of women. I trust him and we have an amazing long relationship but no.

Yes I’m being possessive and jealous. I think it’s weird if you’re not with the man you love. I know my DH wouldn’t go due to respect to our relationship.

the women saying you should trust him. There’s a difference between showing trust and being a mug.

seasaltbarbie · 20/05/2024 20:51

No I don’t think thats appropriate, ask him if he would be comfortable with you going away with your girls and a bunch of guys that he doesn’t know.

TiredMummma · 20/05/2024 21:55

Do you have kids? I'm guessing you don't - that would be my issue. Leave is precious - a holiday away with friends is one thing but some awful lad's weekend with a group of 20 year olds?

I wouldn't be happy for my husband to go on the basis that he is endorsing their behaviour and it's just a bit icky

MsCactus · 20/05/2024 22:15

Ritadidsomethingbad · 16/05/2024 11:18

No but you know your husband and his mates. Bloody hell OP…

Show quote history

Yeah OP you should be invited. That's the only dodgy thing going on here.

It's a mixed group. Partners are going, there's other girls there, OBVIOUSLY you should be invited.

Show your DH this thread. If he doesn't invite you I'd LTB. It's only a suspicious trip if you're not invited

AgathaMystery · 20/05/2024 22:37

starringinyourbaddreams · 16/05/2024 11:19

Errr… in this situation either I’d be going with him or he wouldn’t be going at all.

don’t be a mug.

This.

I want to be all cool and feminist about it but just… no. Can you ask your husband how he would feel if the situation was reversed?

I think it’s okay to not be upset that your not invited (I would not be upset either) but also for it not to sit right with you.

Bs0u416d · 20/05/2024 22:38

It's a hard pass from me. I'm pretty relaxed about things but this is a line crossed? They're going away with a random bunch of girls they met on a previous holiday?? Are they all 16? Your husband needs to read between the lines and either not go or bring you along. Absolutely bizarre.