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Original poster

Fiancé bought a STI kit after stag do

364 replies

Soconfused2 · 16/05/2024 00:57

I saw an email over my fiances shoulder from an online pharmacy for an sti kit, a week after he got back from his stag do. I never ever thought I’d be the type of woman who wouldn’t say anything / confront him but we are less than 2 weeks out from our wedding and I don’t know how to approach the subject. One minute I’m convincing myself he purchased it for someone else and the next I’m beside myself not knowing what to do / how I’m supposed to marry him. How should I bring it up?! What do I say?!

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 16/05/2024 08:06

ExcitedButNervous0424 · 16/05/2024 08:00

Would he be stupid enough to buy an STI kit with you standing behind you? Really?!

And you literally must have been right behind him to read an email over his shoulder and see exactly what it said.

Well please tell us what’s going on since you seem two steps ahead of the rest of us …

Mseddy · 16/05/2024 08:09

Op, if you genuinely don't think you can cancel the wedding but aren't ready to make a life blowing up decision is there anyway you can cancel the registrar's and have someone else do it? Not getting legally married but do the wedding to buy you some more time? I know this won't be a popular opinion because everyone is very LTB (and I agree with them tbh), but I can see it's a huge decision to make in a short amount of time! But you really don't want legally tying to this guy

Carly944 · 16/05/2024 08:10

What an idiot he is

Alwaysalwayscold · 16/05/2024 08:14

Mseddy · 16/05/2024 08:09

Op, if you genuinely don't think you can cancel the wedding but aren't ready to make a life blowing up decision is there anyway you can cancel the registrar's and have someone else do it? Not getting legally married but do the wedding to buy you some more time? I know this won't be a popular opinion because everyone is very LTB (and I agree with them tbh), but I can see it's a huge decision to make in a short amount of time! But you really don't want legally tying to this guy

This is a stupid idea and does nothing to benefit OP. Imagine getting dressed in your wedding dress and carrying on all day, trying to act happy whilst knowing it was a sham. Talk about mental torture.

Maddy70 · 16/05/2024 08:15

You dont know anything until you speak to him. In all likelihood its for him but could be for his married brother etc so it gets delivered to yours instead of his

mangochutneyjar · 16/05/2024 08:19

Onehappymam · 16/05/2024 06:57

Absolutely awful to be going through this so close to your wedding. Your head must be all over the place.

You have two choices: accept it’s over now, or carry on with this charade. Either way, it’ll end the same way. It just depends on how much time you want to waste. There’s no future in a marriage that’s starting off with lies and a lack of trust.

Option 1:

  • You go ahead with the wedding because you not want to let people down/cause a fuss/make a scene.
  • You convince yourself it’s a one off fling before he settles down for good.
  • You work on your marriage, have a couple of kids maybe.
  • Everything’s wonderful.
  • But there’s that niggling feeling that just won’t go away.
  • Every time he goes anywhere without you, you worry.
  • You start to get suspicious and search through his phone
  • He’s at it again, how could he?
  • You can’t believe how stupid you’ve been and wish you’d left the first time!
  • It’s harder to kick him out now because of kids/finances.

Option 2

  • Ditch him now. Lots of drama. Your embarrassed.
  • A few months on it’s all forgotten about.
  • You move on with your life.
  • A year from now you think thank fuck I didn’t marry that twat.

Absolutely this. Yes it will be dramatic and a bit embarrassing now but that does not even compare to what hell it will be like a few years down the line when you might have kids together and a house knowing you had the opportunity to find someone better and chose not to and have no choice but a messy divorce.

Dont do it.

PeachBlossom1234 · 16/05/2024 08:20

As a divorcee, who had doubts on the day, please don't marry him. Going through a divorce is a million times worse than calling off a wedding......(the best man of our wedding called his wedding off 4 weeks before and at the time we couldn't understand it but definitely the right decision) sending all the love to you and a big hug

SpoonyFish · 16/05/2024 08:20

solice84 · 16/05/2024 06:06

Don't mention the test to him
Tell him someone told you that he slept with someone else on the stag
That's how I got my ex to admit his drink driving ban even though I knew another way but I couldn't tell him how
Only mention the test if he pleads ignorant
Because he probably will give you a bullshit excuse that he's bought it for someone else otherwise

This.

Don't marry him OP.

Damnyourheadshoulderskneesandtoes · 16/05/2024 08:21

You must cancel the wedding asap OP, at least for your guests if not for yourself.

You'll find someone else who is trustworthy and be happy and free knowing that they haven't cheated on you Flowers

daisymoonlight · 16/05/2024 08:26

Someone was looking after you by giving you a sign before the wedding

You've been given an opp to change the direction of your life

This. This is a real sliding doors moment. You now have this information - dont ignore it. If you go ahead with this you could potentially ruin the rest of your life. I am so sorry you're going through this but if it were me, I'd see this as a gift that I have the opportunity to change things before its too late.

CypressSunflower · 16/05/2024 08:26

Soconfused2 · 16/05/2024 01:10

I already feel like an idiot. Of course I know he didn’t buy it for someone else but I just don’t want to believe that he would do that to me :-( I can’t explain the emotions I’m feeling at the moment and I’m so hurt and scared, this is going to completely change my life. I didn’t say anything at the time as in that split second I knew it was all over and I’m not ready to accept that. I have never ever understood women who stay with their partners after they cheat but now I realise why 😥

I’m so sorry you are going through this. What a horrible shock. You have a difficult decision and a difficult time ahead of you, but you will get through it. Your future self will thank you if you make a sensible decision now, hard as it may be. So sorry.

Catsmere · 16/05/2024 08:27

Maddy70 · 16/05/2024 08:15

You dont know anything until you speak to him. In all likelihood its for him but could be for his married brother etc so it gets delivered to yours instead of his

Even if it was for someone else, doesn't that say a lot (none of it good) about a man who'd enable such behaviour? He's either cheating (bad enough itself, and even worse if he's using a prostituted woman) or he's helping some other man do it. He's not worth a bucket of piss.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 16/05/2024 08:34

Make sure you get yourself tested asap.

Viviennemary · 16/05/2024 08:36

At least he is bring responsible testing. I suppose.

CypressSunflower · 16/05/2024 08:37

Catsmere · 16/05/2024 08:27

Even if it was for someone else, doesn't that say a lot (none of it good) about a man who'd enable such behaviour? He's either cheating (bad enough itself, and even worse if he's using a prostituted woman) or he's helping some other man do it. He's not worth a bucket of piss.

Show quote history

Exactly. I would expect him to say ‘X has gone and done Y so I’m doing this for him. What do you think?’

SallyWD · 16/05/2024 08:42

Maddy70 · 16/05/2024 08:15

You dont know anything until you speak to him. In all likelihood its for him but could be for his married brother etc so it gets delivered to yours instead of his

But if it is for him he will say it's for someone else. OP will never know for sure.

CypressSunflower · 16/05/2024 08:44

I think in your situation OP I would try to keep my cards close to my chest. I would sit down with him, try and remain as calm as possible, look him in the eye and ask him what happened on the stag do.

I would repeat that question at least three times regardless of what he says. Without any other input. When he’s said as much as you think he will (and leave long uncomfortable silences). Then I’d say, ‘I know.’ I would then leave the longest silence. Let him talk without any input. I’d observe closely and calmly what he says and does.

TripleDaisySummer · 16/05/2024 08:47

It is easier to cancel a wedding than get divorced.

This.

newstart1234 · 16/05/2024 08:47

You will never get over this, it will always niggle you, there is nothing he can say or do right now to take this back, do not marry him. I wouldn't bother investigating further, the trust is gone. It will take time to process this, but in the meantime, it is in your interest to not get married. What will be will be in terms of your relationship with this man - I always think taking time to process your options in a holistic way is advisable not making a snap decision- , but please do your future self a huge favour and cancel the wedding. If you're worried about the effect on the guests, imagine starting divorce proceedings in 3 months' time... it won't be any easier then (not to mention the time and cost of divorce). Staying married to him would be extremely difficult, having children with him, torturous. Going through the wedding day with a fake smile would be horrible. Save yourself from all this, he is not worth it.

Maddy70 · 16/05/2024 08:48

SallyWD · 16/05/2024 08:42

But if it is for him he will say it's for someone else. OP will never know for sure.

Show quote history

But then that boils down to trust and if the op doesn't or cant trust him then they shouldnt be marrying at all.
He needs confronting. She will know instantly at his response

drusth · 16/05/2024 08:49

Viviennemary · 16/05/2024 08:36

At least he is bring responsible testing. I suppose.

This is really scraping the barrel for ‘men will be men’ excuses.

Projectme · 16/05/2024 08:50

@Onehappymam has nailed it. Horrible and unbearable as it seems, you need to canx the wedding and dump him. He's not buying it for someone else!

Terramom · 16/05/2024 08:50

This happened to my friend. Her husband had slept with a prostitute in his stag do in Vegas. Sadly she didn’t find out until right after the wedding when he got pissed and confessed. You have the benefit of knowing now.

NerrSnerr · 16/05/2024 08:53

If it was for someone else he would have told the OP surely? Of course he's cheated.

Although it is massive to cancel a wedding it's much easier and cheaper than a divorce.

Sellingbedtime · 16/05/2024 08:57

Sorry this is happening to you OP 💐

All I can say is thank the lord you have discovered this before the wedding.

Be strong and know your worth.

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