Fiancé bought a STI kit after stag do

[Soconfused2]

I saw an email over my fiances shoulder from an online pharmacy for an sti kit, a week after he got back from his stag do. I never ever thought I’d be the type of woman who wouldn’t say anything / confront him but we are less than 2 weeks out from our wedding and I don’t know how to approach the subject. One minute I’m convincing myself he purchased it for someone else and the next I’m beside myself not knowing what to do / how I’m supposed to marry him. How should I bring it up?! What do I say?!

Yes. But for every man that gets caught out there's ten more that don't get caught. IMHO.

Really? That’s your takeaway from
this …

And thank your lucky stars that you found out before the Big Day.

Gosh, poor you OP. 🥲

I know the financial cost of cancellation is scary, but what price will you put on your dignity and self worth?

He has shown you who he is. Be prepared for tears and emotional drama, then anger if you don’t immediately cave to his performance.

so sorry this has happened to you

I wish people posting on MN would have the confidence and/or the courage to say 'I monitor my boyfriend's/husband's correspondence, phone logs, etc.' Just staying.

I am mega-suspicious (hence my statement above), but often I am proven wrong, to my great embarrassment. Just saying again.

🙄

That's the bar, is it.

please confront him. You won’t be happy on the wedding day, you won’t be able to fake it and it will all blow up at some point anyway.
better this week than in 3 weeks time when it’ll all be so much worse.

You poor thing, I'd be devestated.
Don't marry him, he's awful

He won't have clear results in time for the wedding. The HIV test can take up to 90 days to show positive as far as far as I know. Just on health grounds alone, I wouldn't be having sex with him within that 90 day window. Actually I wouldn't be having sex with him ever again.

You have to talk to him though no doubt he'll come up with some unlikely story that you shouldn't believe. I'd also get tested myself right now because this may not be his first infidelity. If it was my fiancé he'd be in fear of his gonads being removed right now. (I am very glad that my husband nixed the idea of any stag do.) It sounds as if your fiancé didn't even bother to have safe sex which might suggest an amateur because a prostitute would likely insist on condoms. I suppose he might be thinking he needs to be sure even if it was "safer" sex.

To put it bluntly, he was prepared to risk your life because he felt like having sex on his stag do. That's not the type of man I'd want to marry, do you? I can't see him being great husband and dad material. No matter how embarrassing, I'd be backing out right now and I wouldn't be being discreet about why. You wouldn't be able to let him out of the house without wondering what he is up to. Imagine yourself pregnant and who knows what he'd be getting up to? Is there a trustworthy friend you can talk to about this?

I wouldn't mention the STI kit first off, because then it just opens the door for him to be like no you didn't/that was a joke/that was for Dave and just generally bullshit and gaslight you. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't for Dave. Nobody in the world buys STI kits for other people. I'd sit him down, give him a hard stare, and say "I know what happened on the stag weekend. What do you have to say about it?" just bluff it from there. Good luck.

You DO know what happened. He bought it for himself because he did something that you can catch STIs from.

I take it he forgot to mention to you that your hen do was also a night off from fidelity?

How remiss of him.

This is not the sort of character you want to throw your lot in with in life.

This is shit for you op 💐

It’s not just a wedding, it’s a legally binding contract that’s not easy to get out of.

You wouldn’t sign a contract with someone you didn’t trust, so don’t sign one with him. You will pay for it further down the line.

Has he been having sex with you since his stag do?

Get yourself tested. Ask him about what you saw. If he’s cheated on you do think through if you want to marry him.

The HIV test can take up to 90 days to show positive as far as far as I know.

Not the main point of the threat, but just as an aside I don't think this is accurate, I had the full range of tests at the start of my current relationship nearly 20 years ago and had all the results in a matter of a week or two, including HIV.

I'd try and catch him off guard and casually ask him if he's had the results from his STI test yet and watch for his reaction

This ☝️

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's utterly shite behaviour on his behalf.

Do not marry this man! Do not do what a dear friend of mine did and think she had to marry him because all the wedding had been sorted and paid for! Run now because it will only get worse x

yup - a what the hell dude! Explain right now is the only sensible response.

Of course the test results don't take long. What I and @bignosebignose mean is that it takes a while for the body to build up detectable antibodies. So you could be infected, but a test a week later shows negative. If you wait 90 days it will be positive.

Who he slid his dick into on his stag do aside for a moment, you shouldn't be marrying any man that you can't fairly easily have a hard conversation with. If you can't address him about this then you're going to have a miserable marriage because you can't communicate when the chips are down. Don't do it for that reason.

Then, if you need another reason, then don't do it because he thinks he might have caught an STD on his stag do. There's no way you can or should even consider coming back from this. Pack a bag and go and stay with a mate or family for a few days, who won't try and talk you down, and will help you do the admin you need to do to cancel the wedding.

Your future self will thank you for it, I promise.

Op youre not the idiot he is. And you're right it's not as easy as just leaving or ending it. Very easy for us to say that to you added to the fact the wedding is soon. You really need to dig deep op into your self respect. Please. Don't marry someone who is had such little respect for you that not only would they cheat but risk your health as well. I really hope you're ok op. Sending you all the best.

Sorry, it was me making that point about the test time and you're right about the time following exposure, I hadn't thought of that as it wasn't an issue when I got tested. So yes, could be up to 90 days.

It seems like a huge deal right now. But five years down the line when you've met a really nice man who wouldn't dream of doing this, you'll look back and say thank god I didn't marry that prick.