Fiancé bought a STI kit after stag do

[Soconfused2]

I saw an email over my fiances shoulder from an online pharmacy for an sti kit, a week after he got back from his stag do. I never ever thought I’d be the type of woman who wouldn’t say anything / confront him but we are less than 2 weeks out from our wedding and I don’t know how to approach the subject. One minute I’m convincing myself he purchased it for someone else and the next I’m beside myself not knowing what to do / how I’m supposed to marry him. How should I bring it up?! What do I say?!

I'm so sorry OP. The others are right, this is obviously awful but it's better to know now.

I'd confront him just so you know for yourself from him.

Least of your worries is an sti that can be treated with antibiotics. Hep C on the other hand is pretty much a life sentence. Syphilis is extremely dangerous and on the rise and genital warts is linked to some cervical cancers.

If you want to play a health lottery with this cheating bastard then it's up to you. Personally I'd be cancelling and giving my reasons why.

You are better to take the emotional hit now, rather than ignore this and marry the rat - possibly have dc with him. You can’t do that to yourself op.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and as a PP has already said, that awful feeling.. I know exactly how you are feeling right now and wanted to send you a big hug.

I haven't read all the replies you have got so apologies if I am repeating what you have already been told but the first thing I would be doing is sitting him down to talk it through and get some answers, calmly, despite how you might be feeling.

A calm approach is likely to get more answers than going in all guns blazing. A good way of broaching it is to infer that you already know what 'might' have gone on (even if you don't fully know for certain).

For example.

'We need to talk and I need to ask you some questions. And I just want to preface these questions by asking you to be completely honest with me. Regardless of you worrying about what you might say hurting my feelings - I need you to be 100% truthful, and before you answer, I want you to think very carefully, because there is a very strong possibility that I already know the answer to the question you are answering and by lying you will only make the situation worse. I am aware that something has happened on the stag do and I want you to tell me, in your words, what has gone on'.

I have found this to be quite an effective way of getting the truth out of people. Not saying that this will work, but worth a try.

I know it might feel like the end of the world now but until you actually talk this through and get some solid answers, you shouldn't be making any hasty decisions. You know him and in your heart, you will know if he has done this or not. Lean on your friends and family for support and you mustn't worry about calling the wedding off if this is what you need to do. It is far easier to cancel things now and lose deposits etc than go through with it and face the consequences on the other side. Don't make a mistake you will live to regret.

I want to send you lots of love and strength to get through this whatever the outcome xx

I've not read all the posts on this thread but I have read most of them and I don't think I've seen any being harsh on the OP.

Quite unusually there seems to be unanimous sympathy for the OP and recognition how horrible this is for her. Also concern as to whether her health has been affected. And just about unanimous advice not to go through with the wedding.

I don't understand why you are saying pp are being harsh on her.

I didn't mean unsympathetic, just not recognising what an enormously difficult task splitting up this close to the wedding is.
Harsh might not have been the best word choice, but just slightly dismissive of how overwhelming it must be for the OP to split now, with the wedding about to happen, if that makes sense.

Well I think most pp would hope that if she explained the situation to her close family and best friends that they would help her in the actual calling off of the wedding.
You are right: a horrible, heartbreaking thing to have to do so close to the actual wedding date.

I'm sure others have said it..

Get your self tested!!!!! Today.

THIS.

I’m so sorry op. I can only imagine how stressful this is, as well as being utterly devastating. It’s no wondered you’ve delayed asking him about it.
But I must agree with others. It’s unlikely he’d be ordering the test for someone else and you must think about your own health. Asking him about this is necessary.

If the worst comes out, people will understand and you’ll surely have lots of support. If I were a guest at your wedding, I’d think you were very brave, and him, a complete ass.

Anyway, thinking about you and sending strength.

Please take advice from the majority of posters on here, stay strong and good luck.

Oh you poor thing. You've taken step one, you know it's over and are beginning to acknowledge it here. The next thing I'd do is confide in a real life friend or maybe your mother? They can help you do all the practical things you'll need to do and give you emotional support.
One day you'll look back on this as a very lucky escape.

I’m sorry you are going through this, but it’s better to find out before the wedding if he’s a cheat.

Do not go ahead with the wedding, it will be a huge mistake, know your worth, you deserve so much more than this cheating idiot xx

How are you doing op? I’m so sorry this is happening and agree with others saying is there anyone you can talk to? Mum, Sister, friend etc..

Oh, OP, I am sorry. He sounds absolutely disgusting. You have had a big warning sign. Think carefully. You deserve more than this.

I agree with this, my ex cheated on me many times, but he only ever admitted as much as I found out which was texting/talking to girls (they were always "psycho" and wouldn't leave him alone 🙄)

Until he got a girl pregnant and I saw messages of him talking about it, he couldn't deny that, even then he found a way to lie and say the baby might not be his (it definitely was)

If you have got the wrong end of the stick let him prove you wrong, don't let him lie and convince you to marry him.

I know how difficult it can be, it's not as simple emotionally as on paper. Even after all that I I didn't leave him for about a month, and then took it hard and doubted my decision, but you will be forever grateful to yourself for confronting this now, especially with marriage so soon.

Is there anyone you can confide in and have on standby for when you confront him?

Sending hugs, so sorry this has happened to you

Hep C is not a life sentence and is very treatable if caught early. I wish people would stop touting nonsense on this thread. The OP has enough on her plate.

So sorry OP! What a bloody shit way to find out - but one day, you will be happy you did before you walk down that alter.

@Soconfused2

This is such an awful situation. I really feel for you.

What are you going to do?

What is your worst fear, OP?

That you're about to break up with your fiancé, or that two familes and all the friends will be denied their jolly? Or that you will look like an idiot for choosing a tosser?

Bite the bullet and save your life.

They'll get over their upset and sooner or later somrone else will offend in the wedding stakes. Take it from someone who knows from experience. Think of it as an exercise in seeing true colours. Your fiancé has shown you his snd you'll never have to see him of his family again. Your lot will calm down. They'll winge about money down the drain but it's way cheaper than a divorce. Cancel everything in sight and get a friend to get your proper drunk.

If you've slept with him since he came back, well, you know what you need to do. Tell the nurses and they'll tell you that you're being a sensible girl and you're well shot of the bastard.

Take care x

Oh dear, OP. Your betrothed has presented you with crystal clear evidence that he isn't to be trusted and that you shouldn't be marrying him. You're not just having a case of pre-wedding jitters here, you have confirmation he doesn't want to commit to you. I'm so sorry. Get out now.

Get yourself to a clinic and get checked out immediately. Then u can confront him calmly. Maybe in your mind say you will
post wedding whilst u work out what to do? Definitely do not marry him!

This is so hard because chances are he will be taken aback when you ask him about it but will most certainly lie, if he has done something (which with the evidence given we’re assuming he has sadly) 🤦🏻‍♀️ He is not going to want to cancel the wedding at this stage and have his infidelity brought to light. I have been in the situation before of having to confront of a boyfriend for something I was pretty certain he had done but just didn’t have the details 100% in black and white. You so desperately want to believe they haven’t and when he lies and says he hasn’t you will want to believe it and will feel like you don’t have enough info to call it all off.

Think about the possible things he could say before asking him. Chances are he will say it was for someone else (this is really the only way out I think). The problem is you then really need to speak to the person to confirm this and he could quite easily pick a single friend who will happily lie and confirm it was for them. There isn’t really a logical reason why someone else couldn’t have ordered it for themself. There’s also the possibility he’ll say it was as a joke to give to one of the boys from the stag. In which case he would probably have mentioned that to you before you saw it. The issue is the fact we can never really know if someone has cheated on us and relationships (and marriages) are built on trust. If you have that gut feeling he could have done this then you most likely have your answer 😔 It is one of the worst situations to be in, particularly so close to a wedding. I hope you’re been able to speak to him and to someone close to you today

The thing is: for blood borne viruses eg hepatitis or HIV you do the initial test then retest 3 months later as it takes time for the virus to be at detectable levels in the blood.

if he did cheat and has ordered this, he would need to repeat it after 3 months. So during that time is he willing to put your health at risk by not using condoms? (Presuming you don’t use them as your form of protection). Is he even aware of this fact? Or is he just going to do this one an hope for the best.

basically unless he’s using protection now and confessing then he’s putting your life at risk to cover his tracks. Which is selfish and uncaring. You deserve better.

but you need to know what’s happening. So sorry.

@Soconfused2 has started a thread, we're all trying to help and be supportive but she seems to have gone mia🤷🏼‍♀️