Fiancé bought a STI kit after stag do

[Soconfused2]

I saw an email over my fiances shoulder from an online pharmacy for an sti kit, a week after he got back from his stag do. I never ever thought I’d be the type of woman who wouldn’t say anything / confront him but we are less than 2 weeks out from our wedding and I don’t know how to approach the subject. One minute I’m convincing myself he purchased it for someone else and the next I’m beside myself not knowing what to do / how I’m supposed to marry him. How should I bring it up?! What do I say?!

I'm sorry Op but he's a scumbag and his friends are scumbags for allowing him to behave like that on his stag and keeping it quiet for him.

Could you ever trust him to go on a night out with them again? I don't think so. He won't give them up for you and if the chance arises again to shag someone else, he'll take it.

Please take some time to really accept this and make a plan. You need to get some space from him to do this because you have so little time before the wedding. You really would be a fool to marry him knowing he's a dirty cheating bastard.

Would you advise a friend to marry a man who cheated on his stag? I very much doubt it.

Please don't worry about cancelling the wedding - any money lost is utterly insignificant prepared to what you could lose if you divorce him later down the line. Please don't be embarrassed - you've done NOTHING wrong, HE HAS! Let him take the blame for this.

Go and speak to siblings/parents, if you can. You have no reason to protect him from this. Get some support, asap.

100% this.

Running far away from this man would be the best thing you could do for yourself now.

l can’t imagine how awful this feels now. But think of it as your sliding doors moment. In 5 years time…

1. you stay, you don’t say anything, you waste huge amounts of your one beautiful life agonising about it. You make your self smaller and more biddable in the hope he doesn’t do it again. You either disappear entirely into yourself or you divorce him - either way the pain is both magnified and postponed by inaction now.

2. you take a deep breath, the universe has - in its painful way - given you a gift. You KNOW now. The next few weeks and months will be hard. But you won’t be locked into misery and uncertainty.

who can you call first to make this real? Mum? A sister? A friend? The first step is talking to someone in real life.

you've got this - sending love

Oh dear.... If my OH bought an STI kit for someone else he would tell me all the details. Why wouldn't he!?! What did he say when you asked him?

It’s obvious he cheated . Do not marry him.If he can’t be faithful before the wedding he won’t during

Let's face it OP, could you really look into his smug little lying face on your wedding day as he makes his vows to you, KNOWING that he has cheated on you and got away with it?

He's prepared to lie to your face on your wedding day. How can you possibly want to hear him?

Alternatively, go ahead with the wedding but wait until the officiant asks if "there is anyone here present who knows of any reason these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony" etc, and then proceed to tell everyone in the place what he has done, and walk out.

In all honestly, probably don't do that! It would be a shame for your guests etc. But nice to dream!

What a cheating bastard. Hell would freeze over before I'd let his scrofulous dick anywhere near me

If it was the OPs brother or father I guess I would stay quiet!

this.

although has OP spoke to OH yet? I know it’s likely that he has done something based on the evidence… but OP really needs to confront him to avoid jumping to conclusions without having spoken with him.

good luck OP and really sorry your are going through this… but better 2 weeks before your wedding than 2 weeks after xxx

This. It's a no brainer

I'm sorry this has happened. If you marry him you will regret it.

I'm so sorry. And at the same time this is what you needed to know.

The advice here is hundreds of women saying exactly the same thing.

You're staring at two open doors.

Pick one and you go into the future head up, self respect intact.

Pick the other and you're looking at decades of knowing ...

He cheated.

Possibly used a prostituted woman.

That can become an expensive and risky habit, as well as cultivating a vile attitude towards women.

If you have children, this will impact on them.

If you ask him about what you already know, he will lie, 'it was for a friend, honest...it was a spam email ... a scam ...' to keep things as HE wants them, to save face and his image.

That will then be the pattern of your life.

Cheat. Lie. Spend. Risk. Habit.

Disappointment, distress, forgiveness 'because I'm in too deep now...' til next time.

Consequences for your own and your children's health, happiness, mental health. Your family finance.

The dick-first mentality - will you enable it, or will you say no?

Well that absolutely sucks!
Pricky mcprickface.
Try get it screenshotted then print it off as a cancellation card.
its entirely his loss.As grim as it is-THe positive is - ITS before marry.
test result pending. Sorry this happened to you. x

Talk to him about it. Urgently. I think you know the truth. This is hideous - so sorry

This has got to be one of the worst posts I’ve seen in terms of the dilemmas rotten men create for women they pretend to love.

Call it off. I know it’s going to be hard but it’s all his doing. But as PP said it will be easier than the inevitable divorce

Your reaction is completely understandable. It isn't easy to turn your back on a planned wedding, to tell all the people who have helped make it happen that it isn't going ahead - the immediate stress of cancelling a wedding is enormous, let alone the stress of processing that the happy future you planned is turned on its head.

But any man who sleeps with someone on his stag do is the kind of man who will justify having an affair when you are pregnant or have young children and are less available to him. He is not a man who genuinely has your welfare at heart. Let alone the possibility he may have slept with a prostitute, in which case he has no respect for women at all.

Can you tell a couple of really mature, reliable, trusted people who are not drama llamas? People who will listen and not tell you what to do or minimise your concerns?

you need to test

I’m so sorry. But run like f**k! Believe me marriage is hard enough. You will not be able to put this behind. Don’t get married or have children with this scumbag. You would be sentencing yourself to a life of misery. It will be hard short term to cancel but a much better life awaits x

He didn’t buy this for someone else. You know this.

I’d get a copy of the email and test results and send it as a cancellation card or email to all guests. Saying very sorry to cancel but I’m delighted to have had a lucky escape. Let him suck up the fallout and the costs.

Hope you're not joining their ranks, you deserve better.

Get yourself tested asap. Don't waste time waiting to hear from him that you might need to. Arsehole clearly realises he needs to test himself for some reason, and hasn't had the common decency to alert the person he claims to love that he might have exposed her to something. Absolute arsehole.

While I absolutely agree with everyone and you should not marry this man maybe it would help to frame it that you are postponing. If it is too hard to tell him today you know and cancel it all then just get the admittance out of him. You could tell him that you have to start married life without any secrets and if he tells you the truth that you know now, there is a chance. Otherwise not. Then when he admits it go upstairs put a suitcase on the bed and call him up. When he asks what is going on tell him it is over and he is packing to leave. When he blusters that you said you would move on with the truth tell him you're not the fool he clearly thinks you are.

But you can't marry him, stay with him, sleep with him again.

I wish I'd listened to my gut as my relationship would not have lasted three months never mind 27 years but I'm divorcing him now. 🥳🍾

That's good advice @BirthdayRainbow .
OP, cut yourself every break you can. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. You DON'T need to confront him if you don't want to.
You can send a trusted friend to do it for you. You can ask your parents / relatives /friends to reach out to guests. There is no need for you to add to your trauma by doing all the facing difficult tasks. It's not your fault in any way, so you have no duties in this situation.

If he will fuck someone unprotected on his stag do, he will do it whenever he gets a chance or you both have a stressful time.

Do you want to be pregnant, taking an STI test because your 'husband' (can you even call them that if they are freely available to everyone else?) has happily pit you and your baby at risk?

He has given you the chance of being able to go and find a decent man to marry. Take it.