Fiancé bought a STI kit after stag do

[Soconfused2]

I saw an email over my fiances shoulder from an online pharmacy for an sti kit, a week after he got back from his stag do. I never ever thought I’d be the type of woman who wouldn’t say anything / confront him but we are less than 2 weeks out from our wedding and I don’t know how to approach the subject. One minute I’m convincing myself he purchased it for someone else and the next I’m beside myself not knowing what to do / how I’m supposed to marry him. How should I bring it up?! What do I say?!

Was he hoping you'd see it? Perhaps he has cold feet but wanted you to be the one to cancel the wedding? He could then play the victim and say it was all a misunderstanding, he was buying the kit for someone else etc, etc.

Cancel the wedding OP, you deserve better.

Tell your mum and dad you cannot marry him. They will understand and help you get through it
(((Hugs)))

Thank you @Commonsense22 . @Soconfused2 has had a shock and it is hard to go 0-60 so might be manageable to reframe it, just not for long.

I am really sorry that you are having to deal with this horrible situation and associated roller coaster of emotions. You have every right to be hurt, angry, scared etc. But you really need to bring this up with him. Remember that this is the man who you have been planning to spend the rest of your life with.
How can you possibly enjoy your wedding day and have peace of mind with this hanging over you? You do not deserve this. Yes, the wedding will likely be cancelled and you have every right to be upset. Please confide in a close friend also, that will lessen the load. But you must talk to him.
Please take care of yourself, you will come through this.
Sending you strength

I have just thought of another less seedy explanation but it’s doubtful. Could the timing just be coincidence and he wants to get tested knowing you will be trying to conceive in the near future so won’t be using condoms? Whatever you do don’t let him pull the wool over your eyes. This is a far less likely scenario.

OP how are you? I know all too well that sick feeling you are having when you find out something horrendous like this. I hope you have support IRL.

So sorry for you. You need to ask him.

Cancel. Best thing you could ever do

Leave him now.

My ex DH cheated on his stag do ( I didn’t find out until after we split) he continued to cheat throughout our marriage. I wish I’d known sooner , I would never had married him

Really sorry you are going through this. You know you have to ask him.

It does sound like he's cheated on you.

You deserve your wedding day to be special, full of love and laughter. If you marry this cheating bastard it will the most miserable day of your life. Keep your wedding day for someone that loves and adores you.

Leave him OP.
My sister found out her fiance cheated the week before their wedding. She married him anyway. You won't be surprised that he then went on to have a long running affair later on.
Probably more that we don't know about.

Run now. Weddings can be cancelled.

I knew someone whose fiancé did this and then the best man made a sly reference to it in his speech
They didn't last long

You don’t even have to tell people why you’re cancelling. Leave him to do it.

How are you doing now? Hope you have found comfort and support from all the messages x

Hope you are ok! There could be an explanation, but there probably isn't. If he's done something, don't let him talk you round. Your life is going to be fantastic and it will start the day you walk away from someone who would do this to you. If he's cheated it's his loss.

So sorry OP, I hope you can find it in you to confront him. I do understand the overwhelming urge to want to believe it's not what it looks like.

And even if you weren't married with 3 kids which is the apparent pinnacle of achievement you'd still be ok.

I think that if you flip the microscope and look through a telescope it gets easier.

Microscope: the wedding, invites, guests, costs, plans, wasted desserts, honeymoon, giftsetc…

Telescope: in ten or twenty years none of that will matter. Look back from the woman you will become. You can be the woman who married a lying cheater. Or you can be the woman whose self esteem is so high she threw that rotten fish back and continued on her journey.

The woman who marries this man will be miserable from day one. Her trust is broken and her health and her children’s health may be at risk. Her marriage is built on sand. In ten years she is tied down by mire chains: children, mortgages, friends, expectations. But also burdened by regret and anger.

The woman who dumps him? She takes off on the honeymoon with her best mates snd goes on to live her own bold life. Leave a cheater: find a life.

Don’t stick around to become older snd wiser. Wise up and run into a better life now.

What will really change your life is marrying this cheating twat, having children and then realising that he is actually utterly incapable of genuine love and care. OP, trust me, I’ve been there, didn’t speak up and now I am coparenting with an absolute imbecile as after seven years of marriage, his selfishness and infidelity knew no bounds.
I know it’s hard but further down the line, it will be MUCH harder. You have a chance to escape, take it!

OP I hope you have reached out to your mum/sister/BF and got some support. I also hope that you find the strength to leave this guy - not only was he unfaithful, but he had unprotected sex (otherwise why would he be at risk of an STD) and clearly has some symptoms, so has put you and your fertility at risk. He does not deserve you and you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you.

Please don't marry him, you deserve so much better.

Some people are being very harsh on the OP. She was in the last minute steps of arranging her wedding and will be blindsided. Expecting her to coolly and calmly cancel everything, explain her humiliation to everyone etc is unrealistic. She is processing.

That said OP I don't think you should marry him. Not only did he cheat on you just a few weeks before your wedding, but he didn't even seem to go to great lengths to hide the sti kit order. This suggests to me he is already very unbothered about you finding out and being hurt. .

I think you need some real life support, have you got your mum, sister or friends you can talk to?

Ideally someone who could do some of the communications around cancelling the wedding if you understandably can't face it?

Its going to be a horrific few weeks/months but you'll come through it and in the long term will not be tied to someone who could treat you so hurtfully.

I'm so sorry OP xxx

I'm so, so sorry OP. Do not marry this man. Whatever you sweep under the rug now will not go away, and there will likely be more of it in the future. Do not put up with this shit. It is your life and your marriage, do not spend it on a waste of a man.