DH just came into living room asking for sex...

[thea11]

He does this sometimes, typing it out is going to make me feel sick. He'll go and have a shower then come in the living room with a hard on and ask for sex. If I'm in a good mood I will (reluctantly) do it, but today, I've had a shit day, I'm knackered from work, I'm hot and sweaty folding up washing and still wearing my work clothes.

He swanned in late from work, I made his dinner in between putting both kids to bed (aged 4 and 9 months), and he comes home, eats his dinner knowing I'm pissed off from a hard day, then has the audacity to ask me to have sex with him!! WTAF!? - does anyone else's husband do this?

You just need to be vocal and clear about it.

“darling when I’ve had a long stressful day and feel unsupported it doesn’t put me in the mood to be intimate. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you or find you attractive it just means tonight isn’t the night but there will be other nights when it is the night”

let him know that your version of foreplay and him getting you in the mood is showing you that you’re appreciated and valued. He could load the dish washer, clear the table, anything to make the evening easier.

When I read the OP I thought it must be a parody. Then I read (most of) the replies and realised I'm in a strange universe.

It's 8.30, the kids are in bed and supper is over. What better way to finish the day than loving coitus?

OP, with that attitude you may as well write the draft of your next post 'Help! My DH cheated on me.'

Ex wife and I often had that - after 20 years it can get a bit 'functional' - sometimes she would suggest, most often I would and probably said similar to OP husband - luck of the draw if it was a yes, pee off, or polite thanks but no thanks.

Me too lol!

It’s not the timing. It’s everything around it.
The lack of help.
The lack of consideration fir his partner
The inability to ‘see’ his partner was exhausted and running around whilst he did fuck all.

It’s not the sex. It’s not the timing. It’s the disrespect and the inequality in treatment that means women end up feeling like a piece of meat there to calm a man’s sexual urge

i agree there.

It also means men are using women to relax.
Whereas women see that as a bounding experience, as an intimate act.

And then men wonder why women aren’t happy to be used like this…..

This is what I’ve assumed but now reading OPs updates I’m wondering his blunt approach aside, is he lazy?

OP you say your work is part time. How many hours compared to his hours?

If one person is working say 12 hours a week and the other is doing 45 hours a week it makes sense for the part-time person to do majority of housework on week days.

It sounds like you have bigger problems and you just don’t like him very much. Husband’s not pulling their weight is a massive turn off generally.

No, my DH would not behave like that because he respects me.
What an absolute turn off. The thought of someone repeatedly behaving like that makes my skin crawl. Personally, I'd never want them touching me again!

I can 100% relate, and I'm divorcing now...

At this stage in our marriage there was a drought. A toddler and a four year old. But it passed. Before that both of us would flirt ask, later on we would again.

Small children can suck the fun out of a relationship.

If he had a brain he'd have helped you get straight, suggesting you had a nice shower, bath while he tidied up without asking for sex. Men aren't intuitive though sigh.

This. You’re going to have to teach him - very clearly - that this does not work.

Mind has never done this - because he’s not a moron.

Think it's the other way around for me and DP.

Quite funny the mental image of chap swooshing around the sitting room with a boner like Luke Skywalker with a lightsaber.. ... zshooom.

“He constantly says how amazing I am since I've lost weight”. Out of interest, did he shower you with compliments before hand?As soon as I read this all of these came to mind:

vile
ick
sick in my mouth
revolting
yuk
grim
repulsive
turn off
deeply unattractive
neanderthal

If my husband passed me that back-handed
“compliment” after I’d lost weight he would be gone. You’re amazing because you are his wife and life partner who I assume (happy to be corrected) work, run the majority of the household and mother his children. Not because you fit into his physical ideology of “amazing” due to how much you weigh. What a prick. People can say that it’s an overreaction but I wouldn’t be with someone who very obviously sees me as a walking sex toy instead of a sentient human being. He has no consideration for your hard work as an individual or a mother. How short-sighted can he be to see that none of that is remotely attractive. I find emotional intelligence far more compelling than someone being physically attractive. One day, we’re all going to age and look less attractive than we are currently but your husband is always going to have the mental age of a pubescent teenager.

He thinks that he is such a stud that one look at his todger will make you instantly horny. Have you told him he is a crap lover ? If not you need to. Too many men have no idea how to be good in bed, and we need to tell them to up their game.

Totally agree with you. I don’t see what the problem is with seeing your partner clearly horny, surely it’s a sight you’ve seen before, why is it so horrifying. I’d find it quite endearing me, but maybe I’m one of the few 🤣

Whoosh!

Agreed. It's like saying that women shouldn't feel free enough to say I'm horny. It doesn't have to be Oscar worthy every time.

i dont think they realise, we cant always just be up for it ... we dont get hardons at nothing or thoughts. Like we need a little something more than a penis flapping in our face to be like HELL YEAH lets go

Men are such vile creatures. Peak MN by the third post.

If I am ever ASKED for sex its a no. I've told my husband, if he wants it then make my night good, touch me nicely, kiss me and give me nice attention .. FOREPLAY don't just whip it out and be like can we do it??

I think the problem here is that it seems more of a demand of sex. I mean he could of given you (at least) a kiss first.

I think the build up is just as important and he does sound quite immature In his approach. I agree that if youre doing everything you wouldn't be in the mood in the first place anyway.

Exactly this

so does nothing to help you even though youve been out working aswell an just says do you want sex