Page 6 | DH just came into living room asking for sex...

thea11 · 2024-05-15T19:31:26+00:00

He does this sometimes, typing it out is going to make me feel sick. He'll go and have a shower then come in the living room with a hard on and ask for sex. If I'm in a good mood I will (reluctantly) do it, but today, I've had a shit day, I'm knackered from work, I'm hot and sweaty folding up washing and still wearing my work clothes. He swanned in late from work, I made his dinner in between putting both kids to bed (aged 4 and 9 months), and he comes home, eats his dinner knowing I'm pissed off from a hard day, then has the audacity to ask me to have sex with him!! WTAF!? - does anyone else's husband do this?

DisabledDemon · 16/05/2024 09:18

Wow, he's a soppy old romantic, isn't he! I'm surprised you didn't throw the washing at him (and tell him where to stick it).

StarlightLady · 16/05/2024 09:19

betterangels · 16/05/2024 09:10

He can ask. You can say no. No one should have sex they don't want.

A lot of women on here repeatedly admit to being fine with never having sex again in their marriages, so the replies to threads like these will probably be coloured by that.

I think that tells half a story. There appears to be a mix of women never wanting sex again and women wanting more sex or at leat some sex.

l think the key issue is quality sex.

l would not be offended or upset in being asked for sex, either in a long term relationship or from someone l had recently met. Likewise when I’m in the mood l am happy to suggest it myself.

Either way no means no and no should not cause offence. But if there are frequent nos, it is likely there are issues elsewhere, including but not exclusively fatigue, a selfish lover or other relationship issues.

Disturbia81 · 16/05/2024 09:19

Dancehalldarling · 16/05/2024 08:22

This is ridiculous. Your husband ASKED you for sex, so what? You can say no. If you don’t like the way he approaches it why don’t you tell him?

You don’t have to “reluctantly” do anything and then turn the blame to him for asking. It’s not his fault you were pissed off “from a hard day”. Most people have hard days, they don’t routinely get pissed off about it and refuse sex as a consequence? What an absolutely bizarre scenario.

sex is supposed to be a mutual enjoyment. If you want to do it then do it if you don’t then don’t. It’s really that simple. If you want to be approached differently then discuss that.

I actually feel quite sorry for your husband that your “hard days” result in you bashing him on mums net when he was just trying to have intimacy. Imagine if the roles were reversed!

The thing is with many men is that you tell them many times but they still act like dogs on heat.

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 16/05/2024 09:20

Thomasina79 · 16/05/2024 07:50

There is a word for ‘reluctantly’ agreeing to sex when you don’t want it.

its called rape.

Are you suggesting that her husband is a rapist? Wow.

Tamrastarr · 16/05/2024 09:24

Mine did this all the time. He used to do it at really annoying times too, such as just before I would go to work. And then it was like a guilt trip. He would say things like "well, you didn't have to do it if you didn't want to" And "you can't leave me like this!" And I know I'm a grown woman and I could say no (which sometimes I did) but it was honestly like he forced me. So no, I didn't enjoy it and I realised it was a control thing.

mambojambodothetango · 16/05/2024 09:27

SmileyClare · 15/05/2024 20:53

You’re not being unreasonable op. Neither should this be put down to you “being in a bad mood”.

Youve spent most of the day/ evening putting your needs LAST
He’s putting his needs first- not pitching in, not asking about your day, feeding himself, showering and asking you to sort his cock out.

No way Jose 👎

This puts it perfectly.

mummaloo2 · 16/05/2024 09:38

I have a partner like this. On one occasion he got out of the shower, stood at the top of the stairs with everything on show, all pleased with himself and shouted mammy to get my attention and then expected me to want sex with him.

Josephine0 · 16/05/2024 09:41

SmileyClare · 15/05/2024 20:46

I’d be more annoyed that he comes in from work-
sees you still in your work clothes,
that you’ve put the children to bed, cooked him dinner
and done all the laundry
and he decides now’s the moment to jump straight in a nice long shower?

His selfishness and self serving attitude would make any fanny hermetically seal.

In fact I think my hymen might grow back in protest.

I think he’s not just having a shower in there either if he’s coming out with a hard on…

Combattingthemoaners · 16/05/2024 09:43

mummaloo2 · 16/05/2024 09:38

I have a partner like this. On one occasion he got out of the shower, stood at the top of the stairs with everything on show, all pleased with himself and shouted mammy to get my attention and then expected me to want sex with him.

🤢🤢

AprilPoisson · 16/05/2024 09:50

Being asked directly wouldn't bother me at all. I like clarity.
Being asked when that person is already up for it would only bother me if I wasn't expected to need time to catch up.
Lovely he's showered.
Would be nicer to have addressed it earlier, run you a bath first, him put kids to bed etc before he then showered.
You just need to talk it out, surely?

LemonDrizzle69 · 16/05/2024 09:50

SmileyClare · 15/05/2024 21:07

men who do chores and share tasks are massively more attractive

This in spades. Feeling appreciated, respected and treated as an equal is essential before foreplay 😂

Tell him op.

I'd say to a lot of women, that is a kind of foreplay!

My EX was like this. Did absolutely nothing other than work and gaming.
Then he'd get into bed and want sex. Mate, i don't even want to look at you, never mind have you touch me!
Thinking about it now, the amount of times I'd pretend to be asleep when i heard him walking upstairs - depressing really.

As PP said - read the room! 🤦‍♀️

MonsteraMama · 16/05/2024 09:54

Next time he does it look him up and down and crack up laughing. Big ugly belly laughs, tears in your eyes, gasping for breath. Go for the Oscar. That'll take the wind out of his sails the fucking reprobate. Fancy initiating sex the same way a baboon does.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 16/05/2024 10:06

My friends husband actually said to her “if I put the bins out will you have sex with me?”

ewww

I leaned over and seductively whispered in his ear…
”the kitchen bin stinks and is way too full for me to even lift. A big strong, handsome man like you can take that bad boy out! Then I’ll show you a a REALLY good time”

He scampered off and dealt with the bins and said “ok I’m ready!”

I led him towards the bedroom and said “lets get stripping!.. the bed”

Maybe friend's husband had previously been with a woman who was turned on when he put the bins out 😂
Seriously, shows that different women are different.

HopefullyHopinglyHoping · 16/05/2024 10:06

thea11 · 15/05/2024 20:48

I go along with it sometimes because he showers me in compliments. He constantly says how amazing I am since I've lost weight. But today of all days I thought he'd know I was definitely not going to be up for it, and he still did it...which says to me he's not being considerate and just thinking of his cock, so it really pissed me off and I made it very clear.
His response "I only asked", implying I've been OTT.
The annoying thing is, other than his high sex drive (higher than mine) he's usually a very considerate lovely guy, so it came as a surprise tonight (no fucking pun intended)

@thea11 only praising you when you’ve lost weight is grim. My DH gave me the most praise when I was at my heaviest due to a medical condition. Told me I was beautiful constantly. That’s love not when you lose weight! You’ve grown 2 tiny humans!!

Original poster

thea11 · 16/05/2024 10:21

So we had it out last night.

He asked why I was being moody, prick, I said because you were just thinking with your cock and it came across really inconsiderate, I said if there's a clash in sex drives then I'm sorry but having a part-time job, a baby, a mental 4yo and zero help does not make me remotely interested in sex on a Wednesday at 7pm.

He made me a cup of tea this morning, made a point of kissing me before he left for work, I think he's sorry, but I'd rather he actually said "sorry I totally understand it came across really inconsiderate, I'm sorry, I love you" that's what I'm looking for, will I get it? I doubt it..

OP posts:

Cherryblossom24 · 16/05/2024 10:33

Thankfully he is now my ex husband, but I remember I would go to bed and there lying on my bedside table would be the tissues, that was my cue that he expected sex. Fucking prick!

Dancehalldarling · 16/05/2024 10:36

thea11 · 16/05/2024 10:21

So we had it out last night.

He asked why I was being moody, prick, I said because you were just thinking with your cock and it came across really inconsiderate, I said if there's a clash in sex drives then I'm sorry but having a part-time job, a baby, a mental 4yo and zero help does not make me remotely interested in sex on a Wednesday at 7pm.

He made me a cup of tea this morning, made a point of kissing me before he left for work, I think he's sorry, but I'd rather he actually said "sorry I totally understand it came across really inconsiderate, I'm sorry, I love you" that's what I'm looking for, will I get it? I doubt it..

Omg. This poor man 🤯

part time job and a baby!? Hold the front page.

now you’re dictating what is an acceptable apology and what isn’t? You sound incredibly hard work and I’m surprised he puts up with you tbh.

id like to hear his version of events because I imagine “having it out” was you being quite abusive.

ruffler45 · 16/05/2024 10:37

Romance at its best!!

wineoclockpamela · 16/05/2024 10:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 16/05/2024 10:44

StarlightLady · 16/05/2024 09:19

I think that tells half a story. There appears to be a mix of women never wanting sex again and women wanting more sex or at leat some sex.

l think the key issue is quality sex.

l would not be offended or upset in being asked for sex, either in a long term relationship or from someone l had recently met. Likewise when I’m in the mood l am happy to suggest it myself.

Either way no means no and no should not cause offence. But if there are frequent nos, it is likely there are issues elsewhere, including but not exclusively fatigue, a selfish lover or other relationship issues.

Show quote history

Exactly this. Women are TIRED. Having a baby in itself can affect your libido, coupled with work, housework, kids, getting up in the night, mental load of bills, dentist appointments, birthdays. The list goes on. If things were more equal at home maybe women would feel like being more intimate with their partners. Not saying all men do nothing but statistically women tend to be the ones taking on most of the load.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 16/05/2024 10:45

tackel443 · 16/05/2024 08:03

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It sounds incredibly frustrating and unfair to have your needs and boundaries disregarded, especially after a long and exhausting day of taking care of the household and children.
It's important for partners to communicate openly and respectfully about their desires and boundaries, and it seems like there might be a lack of understanding or consideration from your husband's side in this situation. Feeling pressured or obligated to engage in sexual activity, particularly when you're feeling tired and overwhelmed, can be very distressing.
Having a candid conversation with your husband about how his behavior affects you and establishing clear boundaries around intimacy could be a helpful step in addressing this issue. It's crucial for both partners to feel respected and valued in the relationship, and your feelings and needs deserve to be acknowledged and honored.
Seeking support from a therapist or counselor could also provide a safe space to navigate these challenges and explore ways to improve communication and mutual understanding in your relationship. Remember that your feelings

Thanks AI bot 🙄

Blondiebeachbabe · 16/05/2024 10:49

Clearly his timing is off, but honestly, reading these comments, I'm convinced there are women on here that hate their husbands and never want sex.
Words like :

vile
ick
sick in my mouth
chore
revolting
yuk
grim
repulsive
turn off
lazy jerk
revolting appendage
deeply unattractive
distressing
neanderthal
coerced consent
you should seek therapy for a safe space
rape (!)

I mean, sure the timing was bad, but really?

Personally, I fancy my husband, and could never use any of the above words or phrases about him, even if he did mis-time a sexual approach. I love him and I find his body and appendage (!) very attractive. Why is a penis revolting? I just don't get it.

SnowFrogJelly · 16/05/2024 10:51

Blondiebeachbabe · 16/05/2024 10:49

Clearly his timing is off, but honestly, reading these comments, I'm convinced there are women on here that hate their husbands and never want sex.
Words like :

vile
ick
sick in my mouth
chore
revolting
yuk
grim
repulsive
turn off
lazy jerk
revolting appendage
deeply unattractive
distressing
neanderthal
coerced consent
you should seek therapy for a safe space
rape (!)

I mean, sure the timing was bad, but really?

Personally, I fancy my husband, and could never use any of the above words or phrases about him, even if he did mis-time a sexual approach. I love him and I find his body and appendage (!) very attractive. Why is a penis revolting? I just don't get it.

Totally agree with this

willowtolive · 16/05/2024 10:51

supercalafragilisticexpealidocious · 15/05/2024 20:37

I would highly doubt anyone else's DH does that

Really ?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 16/05/2024 10:54

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 16/05/2024 10:44

Exactly this. Women are TIRED. Having a baby in itself can affect your libido, coupled with work, housework, kids, getting up in the night, mental load of bills, dentist appointments, birthdays. The list goes on. If things were more equal at home maybe women would feel like being more intimate with their partners. Not saying all men do nothing but statistically women tend to be the ones taking on most of the load.

Show quote history

My theory (and I'm sure not all women or men are like this, but this is the trend that I have observed) is that for men sex is a way of getting rid of stress i.e. they can have a busy day, work stress, bad commute, etc. and sex is a relief for them, but for women the stress kills the libido and all these busy life demands need to be removed and then sex is wanted.
Or maybe it's just me and DH, but it definitely is for us.