DH just came into living room asking for sex...

[thea11]

He does this sometimes, typing it out is going to make me feel sick. He'll go and have a shower then come in the living room with a hard on and ask for sex. If I'm in a good mood I will (reluctantly) do it, but today, I've had a shit day, I'm knackered from work, I'm hot and sweaty folding up washing and still wearing my work clothes.

He swanned in late from work, I made his dinner in between putting both kids to bed (aged 4 and 9 months), and he comes home, eats his dinner knowing I'm pissed off from a hard day, then has the audacity to ask me to have sex with him!! WTAF!? - does anyone else's husband do this?

I don’t understand why you don’t say ‘ no sorry I’m not in the mood. I’ve had a crappy day and am feeling overwhelmed’ .
I really do think you need to tell him what you have said here - that you appreciate all the things he does etc however you’d feel more like having sex if he was more sensitive to your situation/ mood.

Sounds like the age-old problem of

A man needs sex to feel close to his woman

but

A woman needs to feel close to her man BEFORE she has sex

Just saying . . . .

He thinks you're amazing 'after you lost weight'? What about before???

Your (D)H is not looking good here, I'm sorry 😔

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It sounds incredibly frustrating and unfair to have your needs and boundaries disregarded, especially after a long and exhausting day of taking care of the household and children.
It's important for partners to communicate openly and respectfully about their desires and boundaries, and it seems like there might be a lack of understanding or consideration from your husband's side in this situation. Feeling pressured or obligated to engage in sexual activity, particularly when you're feeling tired and overwhelmed, can be very distressing.
Having a candid conversation with your husband about how his behavior affects you and establishing clear boundaries around intimacy could be a helpful step in addressing this issue. It's crucial for both partners to feel respected and valued in the relationship, and your feelings and needs deserve to be acknowledged and honored.
Seeking support from a therapist or counselor could also provide a safe space to navigate these challenges and explore ways to improve communication and mutual understanding in your relationship. Remember that your feelings

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this. It sounds incredibly frustrating and unfair to have your needs and boundaries disregarded, especially after a long and exhausting day of taking care of the household and children.
It's important for partners to communicate openly and respectfully about their desires and boundaries, and it seems like there might be a lack of understanding or consideration from your husband's side in this situation. Feeling pressured or obligated to engage in sexual activity, particularly when you're feeling tired and overwhelmed, can be very distressing.
Having a candid conversation with your husband about how his behavior affects you and establishing clear boundaries around intimacy could be a helpful step in addressing this issue. It's crucial for both partners to feel respected and valued in the relationship, and your feelings and needs deserve to be acknowledged and honored.
Seeking support from a therapist or counselor could also provide a safe space to navigate these challenges and explore ways to improve communication and mutual understanding in your relationship. Remember that your feelings ar

I do understand feeling so far from being in the mood when knackered and deep in work and kid wrangling. It’s really important to talk to him about not pulling his weight and how it is affecting you. This is how sex dies in a relationship. Personally I would have no real problem with him feeling confident enough to ask in this way and would sometimes do something similar myself - so long as it’s not the only way sex is initiated. It’s supposed to be fun. As are relationships where you love and fancy each other.

Wow, what an odd reaction to a jokey comment 😳

Sadly I don't see where she has said she appreciates anything he does. The hours of work he puts in for the family is characterised as "swanning in late".

You say the same thing about oral sex on almost every thread that you can shoehorn it in on. It’s not always relevant.

I can tell who the men are in this thread. Gaslighting creeps.
no, this is not a “her problem” as you say- this is not a good way for a man to behave. He was not just asking for sex.
ffs the more I read about men, and the responses from men on here supporting Team Neanderthal, the more I actually hate men.

learn to see women as people - not your playthings, odious, disgusting men.

none of us should give them sex at all, ever, unless they fucking learn some decency.

would it have hurt him to help you?
just utterly disgusting.

Right, so because I suggest to OP that feeling sick at being asked to have intra-marital sex of an evening by her husband, then having her reasonable answer of no respected, is not a proportionate reaction, I must be a man?

That's about as balanced and sane as the rest of your ramblings.

men are about as subtle as a sledgehammer to them sex is a relief all that foreplay blah blah is something for women! well that is what I have been told!

This is ridiculous. Your husband ASKED you for sex, so what? You can say no. If you don’t like the way he approaches it why don’t you tell him?

You don’t have to “reluctantly” do anything and then turn the blame to him for asking. It’s not his fault you were pissed off “from a hard day”. Most people have hard days, they don’t routinely get pissed off about it and refuse sex as a consequence? What an absolutely bizarre scenario.

sex is supposed to be a mutual enjoyment. If you want to do it then do it if you don’t then don’t. It’s really that simple. If you want to be approached differently then discuss that.

I actually feel quite sorry for your husband that your “hard days” result in you bashing him on mums net when he was just trying to have intimacy. Imagine if the roles were reversed!

She wasn't bashing him!

@Dancehalldarling if she's feeling reluctant, she seems to feel that there's consequences (i.e., him sulking if she says no).....

Op, that's coerced consent I'm so sorry

Really? I have no doubt plenty of blokes do shit like this. I’ve read similar stories right here on MN.

What a huge, dangerous assumption.

PS it’s not a crime to sulk.

He’s a selfish arse.

I think you need to go to couples counselling about this.
He gets turned on and randomly feels horny, you get turned on responsively to feeling.... (insert what here. Perhaps listened to and cared about and not stressed as tasks have been taken off your plate so you've had time for self care?)

"He constantly says how amazing I am since I've lost weight."

I mean this may be just me but this doesn't strike me as a partcularly wonderful compliment?

I think asking for sex in the right circumstances is fine. But, this is obviously not the right circumstances. Nor is it the right time. He was being completely oblivious of your state of being right then in that moment. Or he wasn’t oblivious, he just didn’t care.

The problem isn’t simply that he asked for sex. It’s because he asked for sex while being completely self absorbed.

He completely bypassed caring about you, noticing you and engaging with you on a human level.

He ate the dinner you cooked, didn’t offer to help you (did he even ask you about your day or thank you for cooking him a lovely dinner ?), went and had a shower. You said in your Op that you were in a bad mood. Did he even notice.

Meanwhile you are looking pretty overworked and burnt out after a long day working, cooking, looking after the kids and haven’t even had a chance to relax yet. Of course the person who you share your life with and who claims to love you should notice.

He can ask. You can say no. No one should have sex they don't want.

A lot of women on here repeatedly admit to being fine with never having sex again in their marriages, so the replies to threads like these will probably be coloured by that.

Sounds like you have the ick from his laziness rather than asking for sex.

And also ‘sometimes compliments me by saying how attractive I am SINCE I LOST WEIGHT’

eeeeeuuuuuggghgg

I do hope she sprinted to get the bins.