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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH just came into living room asking for sex...

232 replies

thea11 · 15/05/2024 20:31

He does this sometimes, typing it out is going to make me feel sick. He'll go and have a shower then come in the living room with a hard on and ask for sex. If I'm in a good mood I will (reluctantly) do it, but today, I've had a shit day, I'm knackered from work, I'm hot and sweaty folding up washing and still wearing my work clothes.

He swanned in late from work, I made his dinner in between putting both kids to bed (aged 4 and 9 months), and he comes home, eats his dinner knowing I'm pissed off from a hard day, then has the audacity to ask me to have sex with him!! WTAF!? - does anyone else's husband do this?

OP posts:
Lilacdew · 15/05/2024 23:09

If DH went and showered and lathered up a hard on while I was still in sweaty work clothes having cooked and done the laundry I'd hook coathangers of ironing over it and tell him to hoist them upstairs.

Noseybookworm · 15/05/2024 23:17

Errr no! DH would be much more likely to have put the kids to bed and told me to go and have a nice soak in the bath if he was hoping for sex! You need to train him up better!! 😂

KindaBinding81 · 15/05/2024 23:22

IncognitoUsername · 15/05/2024 21:34

What you should have said OP -
‘ Yes of course, I’ll add it to my to do list. Unfortunately as it’s rather full, I won’t get to it until next week, possibly the week after. Ok?’

Hahaha!! This!!

unsync · 15/05/2024 23:23

"He constantly says how amazing I am since I've lost weight."

What a charmer. 🙄 I can see why he has to coerce you to have sex with him.

yaynottoolongtogonow · 15/05/2024 23:25

That would repulse me!

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 15/05/2024 23:32

LionelMessy · 15/05/2024 22:22

You have agreed in the past, so you have trained him his approach sometimes works.

You need have a chat with him on expectations, and him needing to pull his weight in the home.

If you don't pull him up on it, now long til he getting his piece polished elsewhere and tries blame you.

Lots of blaming the woman in your post Confused

RogueFemale · 15/05/2024 23:35

I suppose it's good that he asked. Other than that, doesn't sound good.

TheSnakeCharmer · 15/05/2024 23:36

Could you lure him over and use him as a hanger for your laundry? That's what I would do.

AStrawberryTart · 15/05/2024 23:37

Noseybookworm · 15/05/2024 23:17

Errr no! DH would be much more likely to have put the kids to bed and told me to go and have a nice soak in the bath if he was hoping for sex! You need to train him up better!! 😂

So your husband runs you a bath hoping for sex? Why do people think they need to ‘train’ men to be a decent human being? Seriously, if mine ran me a bath only thinking it would get him laid he’d be told to fuck right off.

QueenBitch666 · 15/05/2024 23:37

GRIM 🤮

TheSnakeCharmer · 15/05/2024 23:38

Alternatively a fly swat might help.

Geppili · 15/05/2024 23:39

You have a nine month old and a four year old! He is so so so selfish and ridiculous.

TheSnakeCharmer · 15/05/2024 23:42

Very occasionally, if my husband appears in the bedroom after a shower, hopeful and naked, I respond in my best local somerset serving wench accent, "Good Lord, whatever bee that? Oi never seen anythink loike it in my loife. My word, it looks like a penis, only smaller!" That usually does the job!

Starseeking · 15/05/2024 23:43

That sounds like a complete turn-off to me. He couldn't even kiss and hug you a little bit before moving to the sex part?!? I don't I've ever had a man apropos of nothing behave in that way, urgh.

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/05/2024 23:49

I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he's got four more chance of sex if he came home on time and told you to go and have a shower while he tidies up and makes the dinner.

KreedKafer · 15/05/2024 23:50

My husband once came into the living room announcing that he was desperate to go down on me

See, this I could get on board with

dragonscannotswim · 15/05/2024 23:57

SmileyClare · 15/05/2024 20:46

I’d be more annoyed that he comes in from work-
sees you still in your work clothes,
that you’ve put the children to bed, cooked him dinner
and done all the laundry
and he decides now’s the moment to jump straight in a nice long shower?

His selfishness and self serving attitude would make any fanny hermetically seal.

In fact I think my hymen might grow back in protest.

This!!!

dragonscannotswim · 15/05/2024 23:58

SmileyClare · 15/05/2024 20:53

You’re not being unreasonable op. Neither should this be put down to you “being in a bad mood”.

Youve spent most of the day/ evening putting your needs LAST
He’s putting his needs first- not pitching in, not asking about your day, feeding himself, showering and asking you to sort his cock out.

No way Jose 👎

And this!!

SheilaFentiman · 16/05/2024 00:21

HebburnPokemon · 15/05/2024 21:10

Always someone complaining about something…

is this your first time on MN?!

oakleaffy · 16/05/2024 00:24

igomeow · 15/05/2024 20:43

Not going to lie but my husband is a bit like this.. He'll walk out of the shower and say something I long the line of BABE.. Do you fancy a game of hide the sausage. Is it awful that I find it funny?!? Is your husband aware that you hate it and want a bit of romance?

Oh no! I actually DO play ''Hide the sausage'' with my dog - {a female}
I cut up those dried, pet shop sausages into thin discs, make her wait outside the room while I hide the fragments of sausage- she loves playing it!

she has to find them - hidden under yoghurt pots, and anywhere else, it is a good game for rainy days.

oakleaffy · 16/05/2024 00:29

Lilacdew · 15/05/2024 23:09

If DH went and showered and lathered up a hard on while I was still in sweaty work clothes having cooked and done the laundry I'd hook coathangers of ironing over it and tell him to hoist them upstairs.

Right Now Lather GIF by DrSquatchSoapCo

''Lathered up a hard on''🤣

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/05/2024 00:41

Last night, in bed, my husband whispered in my ear "you want me to do something?"

I was half asleep and replied "I'm so knackered, but mildly horny" and left it at that.

So DH went down on me and gave me 2 orgasms.

More preferable to OPs husband any day!

PurpleBugz · 16/05/2024 00:54

Next time tell him you see housework as forplay. I've had similar problems with exs in the past pestering for sex because they have the time to fantasise and work themselves up when I'm still elbow deep in chores. Trying to explain I'm not in the mood because of the housework and I'm tired and done everything gets them defensive and doesn't change their behaviour. Saying a clean house and the energy from having shared the children's evening routine makes you horny gets better results. I used to know my ex wanted sex because he's be entering the kids telling me to have a lay in the getting a few housework chores done 😂. It's a symptom of a larger problem though ultimately my relationship ended because amoung other things if sex wasn't in the table ex wasn't going to be doing the 'woman's work'.

SnowFrogJelly · 16/05/2024 01:03

🙄

Superstoria · 16/05/2024 01:08

“No Steve, I don’t fancy sex right now, cos as you know, i’ve had a shit day at work and now i’ve spent my evening doing housework, cooking and childcare. If you’d like to take over all of that for a few days though so I can eat dinner someone’s made for me and then have a nice long hot shower, I imagine you would then stand much more chance in the bedroom stakes. Up for it?”