DH just came into living room asking for sex...

[thea11]

He does this sometimes, typing it out is going to make me feel sick. He'll go and have a shower then come in the living room with a hard on and ask for sex. If I'm in a good mood I will (reluctantly) do it, but today, I've had a shit day, I'm knackered from work, I'm hot and sweaty folding up washing and still wearing my work clothes.

He swanned in late from work, I made his dinner in between putting both kids to bed (aged 4 and 9 months), and he comes home, eats his dinner knowing I'm pissed off from a hard day, then has the audacity to ask me to have sex with him!! WTAF!? - does anyone else's husband do this?

DP once asked me to talk dirty to him,

I leaned over and seductively whispered in his ear…
”the kitchen bin stinks and is way too full for me to even lift. A big strong, handsome man like you can take that bad boy out! Then I’ll show you a a REALLY good time”

He scampered off and dealt with the bins and said “ok I’m ready!”

I led him towards the bedroom and said “lets get stripping!.. the bed”

He does sometimes have to ask outright if I’m in the mood because he’s autistic and seems to miss the signs. I’ll be prancing round in lingerie and he’ll not look up from the tv. Inexplicably I could be wearing ratty old pjs and reading and he decides I’m exuding sex appeal 😂.

The lead up to sex doesn’t always have to resemble a romantic movie, if you both love and respect each other then sometimes it’s acceptable to be blunt. I’ve told DP once before to be quick and if I fall asleep halfway through to pull my nightie down afterwards.
I imagine that would be horribly disrespectful if we both didn’t find it funny and that it’s clearly a joke but we love and trust each other so recognise we aren’t both always in the mood. DP usually understands this means he just has to put the extra work in to get me in the mood. He’s been known to empty every bin in the house hopefully 😂.

The audacity of a man wanting to shag his wife! He put it out there, all you have to do is say no.

Would you rather he didn't ask? A great piece of advice I once heard was "If he's not shagging you, he's shagging someone else".

Is he also a mind reader? You had a shit day
Boo Hoo. Did you know sex is actually fun & a great stress reliever?

I agree with the others. Not cool, he is taking advantage of you and obviously doesn't care to put any effort into you. Complete nonsense. Lazy jerk.

Seriously... 🙄 that's not the way a man goes about it. Have some standards.

This has made me giggle

What a low bar. How poor your relationship must be.

All she had to do was say no? All he had to do think how his wife might be feeling! He showed a total lack of thought for how she would be feeling at that moment.

He failed to see that he was in a very different place to what she was. He’d finished work, ate dinner that was made for him, got out of his work clothes and had time to himself to get showered. No kids, no housework. Meanwhile OP was still in work clothes after a bad day, hadn’t yet had a minute to herself with cooking, putting the kids to bed and sorting laundry.

A decent, loving husband would be in tune with his wife to know that she was stressed and not going to be up for sex at that moment. A decent, loving husband would have told his wife to go and get changed and let her chill out whilst he finished the laundry.

Then maybe the night would have led to sex, or maybe just a vent about her shit day and her falling asleep on his shoulder. She’d then think what a lovely husband she has and chances are, she’d want to have sex with him when she wasn’t busy and having a shit day.

All he could think about was what he ‘needed’ at that time. It’s selfish and very unattractive.

As for, "If he's not shagging you, he's shagging someone else". How about, if he isn’t considerate, he’ll be out the fucking door? Women aren’t sex toys for men. It’s about being on the same page. Sex is great with a partner who thinks about their partners needs outside of the bedroom. When men do that, they’re far more likely to have a partner who wants sex with them. Men like OPs husband are too selfish to realise that.

Do you mean it came as a surprise tonight that you were the one cooking dinner for the 4 of you and then had to put both kids to bed, and fold laundry while he did none of the above and still had time for a shower before you?

So glad I never read this while single or I would never have married! Oh you poor thing.

So happy I don't have to (for whichever reason)
worry about this 💩 anymore.
Sorry. 🤢

Yes and why couldn't he deal with his own erection?

Surely seeing you so tired and busy, a kind thoughtful man would have sorted himself out in the shower, walked downstairs and asked how he could help YOU

Not waved his revolting appendage at you and added to your list of chores

EWWWWWW

What the fuck. How deeply, deeply, unattractive. Has he always been like that??

Absolutely love it 😀 🤣

Also, you should never reluctantly have sex.

I don’t see the problem. If you don’t feel like it tell him. If you feel like the chore distribution isn’t even you need to tell him too. Why do people not communicate with each other?

That’s disgusting.

A guy I was seeing said something similar, and it was before he even came over for the first time - it was like “if I cook for you will you give me a good time in bed”. I un-invited him, he never stepped foot in my house after that.

I’d be gutted if my husband said that though as I’d be trapped with him.

I agree with this.

I’m not sure what the issue is.

Should he never ask you just in case you have had a stressful day?

Is it just you that can initiate things?
As surely that would get boring very quickly.

If you’ve had a hard day, then most people would want sex to help them de-stress.

He asked and you said no.
It would be no different to you asking and him saying no.

The bigger issue here is you doing what sounds like all of the childcare, cooking and housework.
This is a conversation that needs to be had and it needs to be divided more equally.

Never do understand why someone has sex if they’re not in the mood for it. No need to be going all handmaiden and reluctantly having sex with anyone, say no. You’re not on this planet to service his needs. And tell him to keep his erection out the living room, that’s vile.

I worked with a woman who, if she got home and DH was wearing nothing but his dressing gown with it open at the front, she knew he wanted sex. It was his sign 🤢

DP and me always ask each other..."fancy a shag?" or "do you feel like banging?" Zero offence if the other person says "no thanks" or "maybe later".

I have on the odd occasion appeared naked in his office to ask him if he fancies taking a break.

TIL I am a male letch. 😳

He sounds fun. You sound like you need to stop stressing. The clothes can wait. Enjoy dome down time.after work. Watch netflix after work with your husband.

I'm not sure it would give me the ick. Sometimes an unexpected quickie is a good stress release.

What would give me the ick is him doing fuck all chores.

But seriously, just say " not tonight, I'm shattered from doing xyz and feel crap from.work.". Then have a discussion re chores another day, it's unlikely to sink in if he's distracted.

It’s not good OP.

My friend’s husband is similar. He’s not been able to maintain an erection for years now but he pretty much pesters her most days for a quick wank. She says she hates having her stomach touched but he goes for that every time because it makes him horny! Some nights she can’t sleep because he keeps groping her for hours on end but says he’s “being affectionate”! She actually told me that he doesn’t always wash and he’s not been to a dentist for about 15 years so even a kiss is out of the question! Apparently in their en suite he doesn’t clean the toilet after he’s had a shit and rarely cleans the bath. She uses a different bathroom but he doesn’t get the hint.

Some men just have really odd standards of what they expect from their spouses! I feel really sorry for her. She’s got no confidence at all and just feels a bit like she’s totally trapped.

A freshly showered man, asks his wife if she would like to have normal consensual sex within their marriage, respects her answer of "no", and we react like this? Wow.

OP, you obviously have every right to not want to, and to say no, but for it to have made you feel sick is a serous you problem, not a him problem.

I think all of this is rather sad. MN is littered with posts from women complaining that their sex lives either diminishing of having totally disappeared.

I would often suggest never make sex just a thing you do when you go to bed. This goes in that direction but it seems the man involved has little clue of timing or attitude.

Sex is not something a woman gives to a man as a reward for doing chores which should be shared, it should be passionate and most importantly shared. If someone is not going to go down on me, they can forget it. No oral - no entry! Personally, l need regular sex, otherwise l’m crawling up the wall, but at the same time, l want the right approach.

There is a word for ‘reluctantly’ agreeing to sex when you don’t want it.

its called rape.