Long term affair

[shitshow1976]

I'm completely expecting to be roasted here. I'm a long term member. Have changed my username.

Approx 15 months ago I started to talk to a guy at work. He offered me his number as I was bringing eggs in from my chickens and he wanted a regular supply from me.
We started messaging/talking daily.
He was fully open about the fact he is married. 2 teenage kids. Things progressed a little. We realised we liked each other. I was very attracted to him but he was off limits being married.

Openly told me he has cheated on his wife repeatedly throughout their 20 year marriage. Mainly one night stands. Several a year. Stayed together for kids sake (1 is epileptic and needs lots of support), don't have sex anymore, live very separately etc (usual script I guess).
This was all new to me. I've never cheated on anyone.

He asked to meet me for sex, I initially turned him down despite me being single.
At that point I hadn't had sex for quite a while and was flattered he wanted to meet me. He's very handsome, fit and well liked/respected in his work. I felt bad for his wife but began thinking that if I turned him down he'd move on to his next one.

I met him. We slept together and have since met weekly for over a year.
We meet during the day for dog walks. We go on dates. Have weekly sex.

I feel fucking terribly guilty about his wife. I've looked her up on FB. She's seems/looks nice. Its clear they lead seperate lives.
He's very respectful when talking about her. States she's a good mum etc.
He's always been open and honest, states he's only ever had one night stands. Wife is apparently aware of his behaviour.
Reckons he hasn't ever done this before. States he's fallen in love with me, seems genuine.

Has started making plans to leave his wife. Has found somewhere to live. Can see us having a future together....

I feel bad for his wife. He says he would have separated eventually and thinks meeting me was the kick up the arse he needed.
Not sure what I'm wanting by posting this. Advice? Words of wisdom?

The sex is amazing. Different level.
He's kind, funny, thoughtful. Makes me feel safe and protected (been in a horrible DV relationship prior to this).

I can't imagine ever being able to trust him. Any advice?

Exactly, she's obviously not having as much sex as she wants as she has to result in going after married men.

Perhaps she's not as attractive as she thinks she is.
He's cheating with you OP because you're easy, and okay playing second best.

Why don't you all sit down together and work out the perimeters of an open relationship. I suspect he wouldn't go for this. Monogamy isn't the only way of conducting sexual relationships but the alternatives require a level of honesty which doesn't appear to be happening here.

“He's always been open and honest, states he's only ever had one night stands. Wife is apparently aware of his behaviour.
Reckons he hasn't ever done this before. States he's fallen in love with me, seems genuine.”

This bit in particular is laughable.

It’s such an achingly obvious cliche , surely you can’t be that dense op ????

I don't see why you need advice OP. You don't love him so presumably you're not hoping for a happy ever after. And you say you've dated others.

I'm guessing you want to carry on having sex with him in the meantime? So do it. It's only more of the same.

You say you feel guilty about his wife but truly you don't know what she actually knows or the reality of their relationship. Despite this you've carried on regardless, so that's not particularly convincing.

You don't need to trust him, nor care about being able to do so, from the sound of it, so I really don't understand why you posted. (A boast?)

I had an HIV test after I divorced my dirty shitbag exH, at my GP’s request. She suggested apart from the obvious health reasons, mentally it could feel cleansing too.

Imagine feeling so violated that you feel the need to do that.

But hey, you crack on OP. Have your outta this world sexy times.

And yet you knowingly choose to fuck another woman’s husband rather than the string of blokes queuing up for sex with you.

Didn't take take long for the fake innocent act to drop and the true colours to show.

You know exactly what you’re doing so crack on with your skanky cheating dirty little fling. Who gives a shit about the wife and kids when you’re getting shagged coz you and him are all that matters and fuck the collateral damage.

Two nasty pieces of work who deserve to each other. I’m sure he’s being totally honest with you as that sounds like his strong point - what catches you both are.

I was going through same thing I was having affair with him (I was with my ex) I had never cheated before and was so desperately unhappy .. I ended my 15 year relationship and he got Back with ex as the "easy option" I am happier on my own and know what I deserve ....

Also you have grown up kids but his kids have a lot of dependencies and need a stable family unit.
If it’s just sex for you then shag someone else! Not married!
Also sounds like std central with you going on “dates” and his history of one night stands. Utterly grim, no wonder there was a name change involved!

With respect, if you need a man at work to make you feel safe, I'm not quite sure it's the career for you. I believe you are incredibly vulnerable. Why do you think he knows you have money?

It would have been alot braver @shitshow1976 to come on here and say you loved him if you did.

It would have triggered alot less posters as you come across so snug that you have this man ready to abandon his family for you.

I don’t really get why you came on here and what sort of advice you require. But I think it’s clear most posters think you should step away from this man and his family. He is the of course a willing participant and you seem very flattered by all this attention.

OP said she feels guilty.

Who are you to put words in her mouth?

OP, good luck with the relationship

Anyone thinking op is getting a big kick out of this thread and liking it.

He will do this to you don't be a fool

ShitShow1976 yep been there done that. Once he realised I was for real he left his children. That was the only thing preventing him. He had long since left the marriage as had she.. been married to him for 22 years next month.

He married the wrong person. Very un MN but it happens and we have been incredibly happy and the kids are all equally happy that we are now ALL with the husbands /wives who make the entire family happy.

Bollcks. Sometimes people just marry the wrong person.

Earther not at all but not prepared to be bad mouthed by a bunch of people that don't know me. Don't get me wrong I've come on an Internet forum for some advice and fully expected to receive some negativey. I'm just defending myself. I'm in no way proud of what I've been doing!

Do a bad thing, get bad mouthed, what did you expect ?

Anon this man is not abandoning his family for me?

Hes told me numerous times he's been ready to leave for a long long time but has found excuses to stay and support his kids.

If it wasn't me it would be someone else.

How can I love someone that shows little regard for his wife??

What I'm doing is wrong on many many levels.

I really like him as a person. He's everything I would want in a partner but not sure I could ever love someone with so few morals......

What’s stopping you contacting his wife ?

“How can I love someone that shows little regard for his wife??”
Not sure @shitshow1976 but I think you are really questioning why you love him and not that you don’t?
You’ve also spoken about his intentions to leave his family for you but I haven’t really seen you demonstrate that you object to this 100%. It feels like you are considering it at least?
Also you saying you gave into having sex with him or he would just shag someone else says alot about him? And you also ?

You might get a few people on here that have done same as you, are happily married ect ect but majority on here will say stop doing it if you feel that guilty and don’t love him.

Just be honest with yourself if you can’t be honest on here.

He is everything you would want in a partner - WOW your bar is set so so low.

I think he will become 'difficult' if the OP tries to end things. Especially if he suspects she has money. OP hasn't elaborated on that.

It sounds like you could be well matched in the morality stakes. The sex may be good now but once you are together officially rather than illicitly, he'll probably be on to his next one night stand before you can say tricky dicky.

Contact his wife and she’ll either kick him out and he’ll run into your arms like star crossed lovers
or, you’ll find out the truth