Long term affair

[shitshow1976]

I'm completely expecting to be roasted here. I'm a long term member. Have changed my username.

Approx 15 months ago I started to talk to a guy at work. He offered me his number as I was bringing eggs in from my chickens and he wanted a regular supply from me.
We started messaging/talking daily.
He was fully open about the fact he is married. 2 teenage kids. Things progressed a little. We realised we liked each other. I was very attracted to him but he was off limits being married.

Openly told me he has cheated on his wife repeatedly throughout their 20 year marriage. Mainly one night stands. Several a year. Stayed together for kids sake (1 is epileptic and needs lots of support), don't have sex anymore, live very separately etc (usual script I guess).
This was all new to me. I've never cheated on anyone.

He asked to meet me for sex, I initially turned him down despite me being single.
At that point I hadn't had sex for quite a while and was flattered he wanted to meet me. He's very handsome, fit and well liked/respected in his work. I felt bad for his wife but began thinking that if I turned him down he'd move on to his next one.

I met him. We slept together and have since met weekly for over a year.
We meet during the day for dog walks. We go on dates. Have weekly sex.

I feel fucking terribly guilty about his wife. I've looked her up on FB. She's seems/looks nice. Its clear they lead seperate lives.
He's very respectful when talking about her. States she's a good mum etc.
He's always been open and honest, states he's only ever had one night stands. Wife is apparently aware of his behaviour.
Reckons he hasn't ever done this before. States he's fallen in love with me, seems genuine.

Has started making plans to leave his wife. Has found somewhere to live. Can see us having a future together....

I feel bad for his wife. He says he would have separated eventually and thinks meeting me was the kick up the arse he needed.
Not sure what I'm wanting by posting this. Advice? Words of wisdom?

The sex is amazing. Different level.
He's kind, funny, thoughtful. Makes me feel safe and protected (been in a horrible DV relationship prior to this).

I can't imagine ever being able to trust him. Any advice?

Stupid women like you destroy lives. I hope you're not the one that's been shagging my husband at this 'dangerous place of work.'

Wise up. He's selling you a story. He doesn't give a shit about you or he would've left his 'poor fucking wife.'

You're making a conscious and premeditated decision to weekly shag a married bloke who has children.

You don't care that those children will probably have 2 christmas, birthdays and whatever other celebrations. You don't give a shit about the poor wife so save your faux concern. If you were feeling guilty you'd stop being a home wrecker.

You're totally fine with being a home wrecker, being the second option to this man. As you are a second option. His poor wife is the one he's going home to every single night.

Men and women like you and this scummy bloke are disgusting.

Stop with your faux concern about his wife. Stop shagging a married bloke for your own satisfaction. He makes you feel safe? Pull the other one. I highly doubt his wife is feeling safe and secure now.

Gross.

Are you police officers? If so you'll know how common affairs are in the police force.

I think the way you should look at it is this. You had a terrible experience with your ex. You have met someone you really like, however he's lying and cheated right through his marriage. So really you have to pick out what you do like about him: his conversation, his looks, what he does in bed, how he makes you feel, the fact you laugh together, etc.

So you don't want him because he's a lying cheat, but you want someone who is like him in other respects.

And for god's sake stop tormenting his wife. Do you really think she doesn't suspect something? That's really a nightmare situation to be in.

As for him not having sex and therefore having one night stands. It's very very likely that it was his past infidelity that stopped her from having sex with him. It's interesting that you feel safe with him. You appear to mean physically safe. Because this man is actually dangerous to you and his wife, emotionally. You can't see the emotional threat because you are just seeing his physical bulk. His wife, though, is suffering emotionally. He hurts her every single day. Just as he will hurt you if you two stay together. Maybe not at first - you know what a honeymoon period is, I'm sure. But he will. And because you love him and you've let him in, the pain will even more fierce.

You are what they call a home wrecker.

You must be so proud.

You're right, you'll never be able to trust him. And trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

@shitshow1976 I have been where you are send me a pm if you would like to chat xx

What a crock of shit

If you do move in together, and wreck his marriage - not only are you the other woman but you create a vacancy...
for his next affair

@farnhamgal

👏👏👏👏

Awwww so much sympathy for you x

This is what I call a roller coaster relationship.

You knew right off the start this was going to be messy and yet you went ahead and jumped on board because...well, it could be fun, too. Attractive married man, the whole risk element to it...it attracts us sometimes. We cannot help it.

Pay no attention to the roasters, they all are so bloody superperfect to understand the needs of us mere mortals.

The problem of roller coasters is that they are fun ... for a while. But if you dont get off at some point, you are going to start vomiting.

So basically, leave this man, darling.

Mountaingoat

Quite the opposite. As much as I like him I don't love him and he knows this. I was only ever initually with him for sex.

I've dated a couple of guys over the last year and he knows this.
I don't see a future with him. I think I needed to hear this from complete strangers though.

Can't talk to anyone in real life as I'll be massively judged and I'm not proud of the fact I've been fucking a married man for over a year.
I'm no spring chicken by the way. I have 2 adult kids. I also have money which he is probably aware of.....

How is SHE the homewrecker when this man has cheated on his wife constantly with different women? HE is the one wrecking his home life.

That said OP, you would be stupid to pursue this, you know it’s not right. End it now for everyone’s sake, he is not a decent man.

Quite! Superficial women who will fall for a bit of flattery from a 'very handsome' fella are ten a penny.

I agree with this completely.

OP I would try to find the means to see a therapist and work with them to support you to be able to make wiser choices that don’t cause such harm to both yourself and the unwitting victims in this sorry saga.

Superperfect?

I'm no super perfect, whatever the hell that is.

I've been on the receiving end of disgusting women who go after married men. Disgusting women who gaslight their actions by expressing 'sympathy and guilt'.

I'm not super perfect. I just have morals, and I'm not an easy homewrecker.

No one has any sympathy for homewreckers, unless they're a homewrecker themselves.

I was only ever initually with him for sex.

And you couldn’t find a single bloke as your fuck buddy?

Wow, hold your horses. From what I read in the OP, this was not a case of a homewrecker but actually he was the main instigator of the affair.

You are barking to the wrong tree here.

And sorry for the pain you have experienced.

'How is SHE the homewrecker when this man has cheated on his wife constantly with different women? HE is the one wrecking his home life.

That said OP, you would be stupid to pursue this, you know it’s not right. End it now for everyone’s sake, he is not a decent man.'

She is a home wrecker. Pursuing a married man with children. Intentionally wrecking a family / home for her own sexual needs.

They are both home wreckers. OP went into this fully knowing he had a wife and children, thus putting her sexual needs over a family.

She is a home wrecker, the worst kind and all. A wife and children isn't enough to put her off and she apparently doesn't even love this bloke! It would make more sense if she loved him, but she's literally wrecking a home just for sex.

Greedy and gross. Her and her affair partner. They're both equally to blame.

I doubt he's super handsome or the sex is 'different level, amazing' lol. Sounds like he gave you attention and you took it.

An he's almost certainly fucking others in between you and his wife, so go into it with your eyes wide open.

Nope. The home and marriage were already wrecked based on his actions for many years previously.

Have you been having monthly STD tests?
You shouldn't date anyone until you've done the freedom programme and done extensive work on your standards. Specimens like this man shouldn't even be on anyone's radar.

You don't see a future with him? Then maybe tell him that and so he can stop planning to leave his wife (as if that's going to happen but let's roll with it) and stop looking for love nests.

She's fully aware that he's been shagging about behind her back? I'll bet you a quid she isn't, I don't think even you believe this but maybe it makes you feel a bit better.

You're not safe, or protected by him, you're constructing a fantasy. He's a prolific shagger, you're just the current fascination and you won't be the last. You don't feel terrible, if you did it would outweigh the thrill and it would not longer be worth it.

He doesn't love you. This isn't romantic or next level. I'm not judging, nobody is perfect and we have ALL fucked up and hurt people but it's important to be honest about what's going on. This is not going to end well for you, and it sounds like the last thing you need to be doing after escaping from years of DV is inviting another shitshow through your door.

You feel safe with him.

He sees you as a safe bet.

What would you advise your adult children to do in such a situation?

@SherrieElmer

She is a home wrecker though. As is he.
She is shagging a married man with children with additional needs. And a mum who's probably working all hours round the clock trying to look after her children, while her husband is out shagging the OP one a week and meeting for lovely dog walks.

What kind of a woman does that?

Oh wait, the OP.

Maybe I am sensitive to this. But only because I'm going through it myself. A marriage with massive health and medical needs within the family. Someone at work who knows about me and my child.

I can't fathom for a second why another woman would purposely do that to another.

The 'don't be angry at the woman' story is old news. If the affair woman is aware of the situation, it makes her a bottom of the barrel type of person.

so, hes got massive sex drive and his wife had kids and the sex wasnt as often as before hence the one night stands? what would happen if you get together, and then fall ill or at menopause etc and cant have the regular sex with him(even if temp), would you find it acceptable for him to go off and have one night stands? because you know he would cos by his own admission, hes never been faithful, so why now? are you that special that he changes? haha, the mind boggles. get some self respect.