Long term affair

[shitshow1976]

I'm completely expecting to be roasted here. I'm a long term member. Have changed my username.

Approx 15 months ago I started to talk to a guy at work. He offered me his number as I was bringing eggs in from my chickens and he wanted a regular supply from me.
We started messaging/talking daily.
He was fully open about the fact he is married. 2 teenage kids. Things progressed a little. We realised we liked each other. I was very attracted to him but he was off limits being married.

Openly told me he has cheated on his wife repeatedly throughout their 20 year marriage. Mainly one night stands. Several a year. Stayed together for kids sake (1 is epileptic and needs lots of support), don't have sex anymore, live very separately etc (usual script I guess).
This was all new to me. I've never cheated on anyone.

He asked to meet me for sex, I initially turned him down despite me being single.
At that point I hadn't had sex for quite a while and was flattered he wanted to meet me. He's very handsome, fit and well liked/respected in his work. I felt bad for his wife but began thinking that if I turned him down he'd move on to his next one.

I met him. We slept together and have since met weekly for over a year.
We meet during the day for dog walks. We go on dates. Have weekly sex.

I feel fucking terribly guilty about his wife. I've looked her up on FB. She's seems/looks nice. Its clear they lead seperate lives.
He's very respectful when talking about her. States she's a good mum etc.
He's always been open and honest, states he's only ever had one night stands. Wife is apparently aware of his behaviour.
Reckons he hasn't ever done this before. States he's fallen in love with me, seems genuine.

Has started making plans to leave his wife. Has found somewhere to live. Can see us having a future together....

I feel bad for his wife. He says he would have separated eventually and thinks meeting me was the kick up the arse he needed.
Not sure what I'm wanting by posting this. Advice? Words of wisdom?

The sex is amazing. Different level.
He's kind, funny, thoughtful. Makes me feel safe and protected (been in a horrible DV relationship prior to this).

I can't imagine ever being able to trust him. Any advice?

Why do you feel guilty if his wife is aware of what he does? It's within the terms of their marriage, which is unlikely to end as it suits the pair of them. You are one of many. He probably tells them all he's fallen in love lol

My STBXH cheated on me last year and I kicked him out. It's been the most painful and horrible experience in my living memory and I'm only just getting over the trauma of it now a year later, and yes, being cheated on does cause actual trauma- it changes parts of the brain; the amygdala becomes hyper-vigilant, increasing anxiety to pathological levels and the hippocampus is impaired, having a negative effect on memory . Sometimes even the pre-frontal cortex is affected negatively! So, don't just feel sorry for this man's wife- show her some real compassion and stop having anything to do with that man apart from work and work-related things only. Yes, if he's not betraying his wife with you, he'll find someone else but as long as you continue with him, you are actively participating in doing great harm to another human being who does not deserve it.
Also, don't you want better for yourself than a man who has been cheating on his wife for 2 decades? Do you realise how deceitful, devious and treacherous he has to be in order to have been committing adultery for that long? You really can't believe his guff because he will be a very practised and plausible liar. He is a person of low to little integrity and of low character who is happy to keep harming the mother of his children to gratify his own selfish urges. I think you should stop, now, but will you? Or will you keep codding yourself that he's telling YOU the whole truth and continue to collude in betrayal of his wife and in putting a potential bomb into his poor children's lives? Stop for those kids' sakes if nothing else. Could you live with the guilt of being party to causing their lives to be turned upside down and their hearts broken? He's not worth it girl and if you keep on with him, you'll find out the hard way!

Bet you regret posting this now lol

Clearly you've fallen for this man but..
If he leaves her your romantic idea of being together will be gone. If she finds out about you you will be for a tough ride. ( Not many will be gracious that's rare especially of an affair)

If he doesn't leave her you will be heartbroken for sure but then you will realise that he never planned on leaving. I'm afraid to say most men don't. It's comfortable and he can have sex with other women with no consequences (well for now til he gets caught)

He has children , what if they don't accept you which they probably won't , they'll want to be loyal to their mum and you'll get the blame . Even though it lands with him , he's decided to do this.

Don't mean to sound harsh but really think this through.

You don't trust him now so I can't see this working long term.

It's all exciting for you both ATM but that bubble will pop pretty quick

My advise end it but I don't think you will.

Didn't see part where poster said she doesn't love him !?

Then what's all this for ??

I would lay odds that she's got a good idea but if they have a disabled child she's between a rock and a hard place financially. And that makes a huge difference between going and staying.

Unless you're in/ have been in that position I don't think anyone can really understand just how difficult her life is.

However the OP can justify it til she's blue in the face because he says so. She is truly correct in saying that she's no idea what a decent relationship is.

HE would be the homewrecker, not the OP. He didn't need to cheat on his wife at all.

There would be no OW at all if the men just, I don't know, actually loved their wives enough not to cheat on them? Not exactly rocket science, is it?

The fact you go on dates means it’s more than sex.

Read back the way you talk about him - you are in love with him!

You have a regular routine with him and he’s having an emotional as well as physical affair and you come across as coming on here for a green like that it’s okay. I don’t think it is tbh and so do you.

Wow, a guy who cheats is clearly such a massive catch...!
How on earth can you glean anything about their lives from FB?! If you looked at mine I think I've mentioned him once in three years, and he about the same - we are incredibly in love and just don't plaster stuff all over FB!
His poor wife. Nice to know he is willing to hurt someone he is supposed to love and respect like that.

Wow you don't even love him. You are complicit in ruining lives because of sex.
Fuck that's low.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Oh behave.

A woman who fucks a married man with disabled children and a wife at home. A women who would gladly participate in that.
Sex is a 2 way thing. The OP has had consensual sex with this man knowing he has disabled kids at home.

She said yes.

She is bottom of the pile when it comes to morals and anyone who doesn't think she is at fault I'm guessing has also gone after married man with kids.

"This is the problem. He has preyed on someone vulnerable."

What does vulnerable look like? Cos the OP doesn't fit my description. She's merrily shagging a married bloke with a disabled child. I get sick of this word being bandied around. She's not so weak and vulnerable that she hasn't got the balls to crush someone else's life is she.

Because the unavailability is part of the point as I said in the post.🙄

A married man is perfect for the commitment-phobe who wants the fun stuff out of a relationship but not the onward progression. Single men are actually often pretty keen to lock you down (although not necessarily in a reciprocal way) and move into domestic life, while successful FWB relationships are difficult to find and negotiate.

I'm not making excuses for doing a wrong thing, it's still wrong. But it's not always this she must want to "steal" this man, sometimes it's just "borrow" him and give him back soiled. 😂

Ginasevern

I'm definitely not vulnerable!

I have a successful career, a beautiful home, a lovely family and as much sex as I need/want.

OP's post at 12:48.

Whooo! You're getting defensive now but seriously, what did you expect? You've even admitted you don't love him and are only seeing him for sex, and that makes what you're doing even worse! You've no right to be calling anyone who criticises you names because you're the one actively and willingly participating in abusing a woman- yes, adultery is now being regarded as a form of abuse in therapeutic circles- and putting the wellbeing of her children at risk! TBH I think posters have probably held back- I know I did in my first post to you! Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are not the victim here!

You will definitely regret this. He's lying to you - you do know that don't you? If you want to walk away from your "lovely family and beautiful home" do it, but don't try and build a new life on a foundation of misery for other people.

You are being used by a liar and a serious cheat. Why don't you want more for yourself?
Did you have counselling after your previous abusive relationship?

Problem is it's with someone who is already taken.
No sympathy for you.

And now your true self is coming out.

You aren't vulnerable, your selfish.

Tell me, if two people are involved in a robbery, one smashes the door causing damage & fucks up the alarm. The other actually goes in and takes the shit are they both charged? Even if its not the same offence? Because they both took part in the negative outcome for the owner.

Same thing. It takes two to create an affair.

You may have all of that. You don't however have self esteem, self respect, empathy or a conscious.

All things that can't be bought, or traded for an orgasm.

It’s such a pathetic boast saying you have a much sex as you need or want!
Why can’t you turn have sex with an unmarried man that isn’t about to throw a Grenade into his families life for you?
I do think you are loving all of this gushing about him being so wonderful then saying you don’t love him!
Doesn’t really add up?

Aside from the awful thing you are actively participating in do you actually believe him? Are the plans he is currently making being discussed with his wife? Or Is he planning on setting himself up nicely then pulling the rug?
He isn’t a decent man he is self centred and a liar. His children and his wife will never be the same again. Co parenting in a shit show like this is bad enough but a child with a very serious condition that is likely to effected by stress will make it near on impossible. That’s assuming he’s even factored the kids into this fantasy he has created.
the best thing to do is think if this was your daughter what would you want for her? If these were your children and their dad did this how would you feel? If you don’t feel anything then go ahead - morally you are made the same and may well be suited.

Your shameful honestly you are.
And you dont care that you at some point are gonna be part of the cause of a family breakup.
All just because of sex you sound like a dirty old woman.

Oh don’t be so fucking stupid, he’s a sleazy liar and cheat and you’re an idiot. Grow up and get some self respect

KARMA has a stamp waiting to send it self to you.
May not be yet or next week but it will bite you when you lest expect it.
Dont worry the longer you wait the better the dish.
You really are low and cant see it.

Get together with him and you'll have created a vacancy.