Long term affair

[shitshow1976]

I'm completely expecting to be roasted here. I'm a long term member. Have changed my username.

Approx 15 months ago I started to talk to a guy at work. He offered me his number as I was bringing eggs in from my chickens and he wanted a regular supply from me.
We started messaging/talking daily.
He was fully open about the fact he is married. 2 teenage kids. Things progressed a little. We realised we liked each other. I was very attracted to him but he was off limits being married.

Openly told me he has cheated on his wife repeatedly throughout their 20 year marriage. Mainly one night stands. Several a year. Stayed together for kids sake (1 is epileptic and needs lots of support), don't have sex anymore, live very separately etc (usual script I guess).
This was all new to me. I've never cheated on anyone.

He asked to meet me for sex, I initially turned him down despite me being single.
At that point I hadn't had sex for quite a while and was flattered he wanted to meet me. He's very handsome, fit and well liked/respected in his work. I felt bad for his wife but began thinking that if I turned him down he'd move on to his next one.

I met him. We slept together and have since met weekly for over a year.
We meet during the day for dog walks. We go on dates. Have weekly sex.

I feel fucking terribly guilty about his wife. I've looked her up on FB. She's seems/looks nice. Its clear they lead seperate lives.
He's very respectful when talking about her. States she's a good mum etc.
He's always been open and honest, states he's only ever had one night stands. Wife is apparently aware of his behaviour.
Reckons he hasn't ever done this before. States he's fallen in love with me, seems genuine.

Has started making plans to leave his wife. Has found somewhere to live. Can see us having a future together....

I feel bad for his wife. He says he would have separated eventually and thinks meeting me was the kick up the arse he needed.
Not sure what I'm wanting by posting this. Advice? Words of wisdom?

The sex is amazing. Different level.
He's kind, funny, thoughtful. Makes me feel safe and protected (been in a horrible DV relationship prior to this).

I can't imagine ever being able to trust him. Any advice?

She's not 6. She is totally clear-eyed.

I’ve been the wife in this position. I’m not judging you. And yes, I backed away from intimacy with him because I didn’t want an std (which I think he picked up around 3-4 years ago in his past but one affair).

if he knows you are solvent financially the sceptic in me thinks he knows he has someone to move to, so he can afford maintenance but it won’t be quite so financially difficult to start over again, as you’ve a ready made house and lifestyle.

And that makes him totally selfish - because he’s definitely still just thinking of the best life for himself, not for you.

Basically this is sex and money for him - nothing more. Wish I could say otherwise.

I know you are being sarcastic...
However, my situation wasn't as clear-cut as the OP's, but I know how it feels to fall for someone married. It can be far from simple, sadly 😥 x

No she's not.

She clearly states in the OP that the guy is leaving his wife and she sees a future with him.

OP is get this thread deleted.

You'll either flounce, or keep shagging him.

But you've included private, personal medical details about a child here which has nothing to do with you, and obviously doesn't stop you from opening your legs to their dad.

I feel so sorry for the mother / wife in this.
I am also a mother and wife going through this. If I found out my husbands woman he was shagging on the side was writing my daughters private medical details online for all and sundry to see, it would genuinely tip me over the edge.

Would you like to be in his wife's shoes (being multiply cheated on)? Because you will be if you get together with him (if it even got that far)...

He's dishonest and has no integrity. What a prince!

He will likely cheat on you, worse than that is you will worry for the entire relationship that he is cheating on you. Can your self esteem handle that? It sounds like he’s not even discrete about his cheating. It sounds like the office joke. At some point he will feel guilty for upsetting his kids. He should. He will then possibly partly blame you for how complicated his life will get. How reduced his finances will become etc I can’t even touch on how vile he is being to his wife. He should be trying to rebuild his relationship with the person he committed to or getting a divorce before starting up with someone else. Is that REALLY a relationship you want?

You must be so proud.

There's something really wrong if you cannot see the problem with having an affair with a married man. There isn't even a doubt over his character- he's a multi times cheater.

I worked with someone like him and we watched the very predictable car crash of silly women thinking they were different and would be the one who would change him. It's a tale as old as time and always ends in the same way. Your naivety is astounding.

I feel so sad for this man's wife and their children. Op why do you think you are attracted to dickheads? Low self esteem usually. By all means crack on shagging this guy but do us the courtesy of not coming back here in x amount of time heartbroken when you find him cheating on you. Because he will.

That is a brilliant post and spot on!

I’ll assure you I’ve never ‘wrecked a home’ (surely a charge that should be levied at the person meant to protect their home), but I have every sympathy for the OP.
Lord knows I’ve seen many men completely devastate their partners and affair partners, leaving complete destruction in their trail.

She sounds vulnerable and is now being bamboozled by Mr 20 year cheater. She now needs to take responsibility for getting her mind right and dumping the sexually incontinent fucker 🤷🏽‍♀️.

He sounds like a narcissist, so desperate for attention that he was cheating on his wife as soon as they were married. So confident that women will fall at his feet that he doesn't even bother trying to hide the wife and kids and just straight out asks you for sex. Right now you're on the pedestal, you're providing the supply he needs, if by any slim chance he does leave his wife and get in a relationship with you there's going to be a vacancy in his life. And not one person that knows him will be surprised when he fills it - and you shouldn't be either.

You're like a bunch of nasty vipers! If you manage to identify him or his family from his job as a "cop" and his Daughters diagnosis of Epilepsy I'll be amazed!

I'm grateful for the advice the genuine posters have given. It's deffo given me lot to think about.....

Glamourising and validating cheating is not spot on.

If he can do this with you he can also do this to you. Sorry OP I wouldn't be able to trust him

How is that a brilliant post?

Do something stupid, it might turn out ok. Yeah, you might live in constant paranoia that he'll do the same to you, yeah he might still fuck his wife on the side, but there is a minute chance you'll fly into the sunset...

That's like saying it's fine to get with a convicted felon, what could go wrong? Why not q I it your job and just believe you'll win X Factor

Ain't as nasty is you're appalling behaviour 🤢

Op he is a liar and a cheat. He'll do exactly the same to you.

Work on your self esteem and then try to date single men.

His MO is to cheat..... if he leaves his wife and starts a relationship with you, he'll cheat on you

Maybe that will be OK for you because you say you don't love him and just want him for sex?

I think his wife will be the winner in all this should he leave her. Lucky her if he does

He sounds utterly grim and quite rancid

100%

It is fine for him to be having sex with you AS LONG AS HIS WIFE KNOWS.

Lying is never right.

1. I’m betting the wife doesn’t know.
2. What an utter tosser he is.
3. I bet he is also ‘cheating’ on you with someone else

And kick him in the gutter where he belongs.

Your fcking a married man.

Engaging in manipulation of another woman's reality daily.

All cause you want good sex.

You don't have the moral high ground.

You don't have a clue what his wife does or doesn't know.

You also don't care. If you did why haven't you confirmed with her? That her marriage is for appearances only and for the kids?

Cheating is black and white.

In life you make decisions daily about how you treat other people. If you are willing to cause them harm. Be it physical/emotional/financial.

You clearly are OK with that own it.

Personally I think people who cheat have poor emotional intelligence, are inheritly selfish, manipulative and usually have a shit load of unresolved emotional issues to fix and those are traits that don't really change.

And save your fake ass sympathy for his wife. You don't have any. Otherwise you wouldn't be having an affair with her husband.

Considering his back ground. No he isn't trust worthy but neither are you.

I'm sorry you've experienced domestic abuse previously op. Have you had therapy? Why on earth do you think this man protects you when he sounds an absolute self-centred cunt?
Yes good sex is nice but there really is more to life and more men to have it with.