Teacher favouring one child in class all the time! My kid is upset!

[regretnot]

Teacher of reception age kids is favouring one particular boy all the time! It’s very obvious too, he’s in every photo, he’s always got loads of stickers, winning, in top sets, a definite golden child.

my son is similar in ability and paired with him in certain situations ..

behaviour and character wise they are different! My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm.. the other kid is what I would call ‘easy’ temperament, always smiling, easy..

however, lately my son has become upset about going to school.. I think the golden child has been Favoured over him many times and it’s now rubbing off..

he asked me “why is x always chosen and going first and not me?”

What do I do about this??

I don’t want to tell the teacher she is favouriting a child but in the same breath my child is clearly being impacted here..

what would you diplomatically do??

Nothing, you can't be 1st or top in life all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️ or sometimes ever.

@cryinglaughing but I don’t think it’s having a positive impact on confidence/ self esteem at such a young age…

What do you mean he is a strong character @regretnot

It’s nearly the end of the year. Sometimes you have to suck it up that a certain teacher and your child unfortunately just didn’t fully click (I remember a teacher who loved my eldest didn’t fully gel with one of my other sons and it was so hard as I’d always had her gushing about my eldest and it was the hugest jump down for my other son to be saying he didn’t like her at all that she was always cranky)

Unless you have sat in the class and witnessed the supposed 'favouritism' you honestly can't know the situation. Sometimes other children are being boosted for health or wellbeing reasons and you have no idea what's going on in the child's life. If one child is featured all the time on apps that report back to parents with pictures etc then that would be very strange as most apps feature posts sent to individuals and some group ones. Young parents perceptions can be far away from adults.

It does sound annoying but also it might be your son realising that he isn’t always going to be the main character. He’s focused on this boy as he can see him getting more attention.

@Newgirls exactly.. I agree!

These are reception age kids? Don’t be that parent. There could be all sorts of reasons why that boy is getting attention and 4/5 year olds are hardly the most reliable narrators. Leave it.

Maybe it’s to do with behaviour? If the other child is happy and friendly with others and yours is more sullen and disruptive, maybe this is taken into account as well?

My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm.. the other kid is what I would call ‘easy’ temperament, always smiling, easy..

So your son is difficult and this other kid is getting rewarded for good behaviour?

They are so interesting at that age. Your son might now try and adopt some of the sunnier behaviours to become more like this kid. I’m sure we’ve all done it

Seems a little unprofessional, but the academic year is nearly over, I wouldn’t say anything, new teacher next year I am presuming.

Presumably there are lots of other children in the class? Its not actually this boy v your boy.

Im sure teachers do have favourites, but i also dont think its favouritism if a child is in top sets, wins things or gets stickers for the things stickers are awarded for. Unless the category is something like 'best boy with the name '

This could be perceived as favouritism by your reception aged child because he’s used to having your undivided attention, and doesn’t yet understand why he doesn’t get that from his teacher. He’s focusing on this child in particular though.

Dd had a primary school teacher in year 2 who quite openly referred to her favourite pupil as Matilda.
All the girls were v. jealous.
In dd’s case she was never going to be as bright as Matilda so it didn’t bother me. However another dc was extremely bright and I know her dm resented the favouritism.
Fast forward 25 years Matilda has had serious mental health problems and works in a dead end job.
My dd and her friend have good careers.

Life is never what you expect.
Tell your ds that he’s a good student and you’re proud of him.
The other boy may be the favourite now but that can easily change.

Similar situation with my DS. I think we have a combination of story telling and he is difficult quite often. I wouldn't dream of bringing it up with a teacher of 30 4/5 year olds. She has enough to worry about.

Does your school really have ‘top sets’ in eyfs? Not a very common thing to do.
Your son does sound like he might not be the easiest character to warm to. Also 4 year olds are not the best at knowing what is going on. What you have is his perception of the situation. As other have said there maybe many reasons why this child requires a bit more positive recognition than some. Or maybe he’s just a really good kid who has earned it by his behaviour and attitude and effort?
Encourage your child to do his best at all times.
Also encourage him to not compare himself with the other child.
At the absolute most I would say you could speak to his teacher and tell her politely that he’s feeling a little unappreciated. Do not mention the other child. Thats not your business.

Your son isn't well behaved? Takes no fool? Yeah he will never be the favourite.

You have no idea whats going on in that childs life. The teacher does. She will be making a special effort with him

Life lesson for your son. He isnt the centre of the universe

Also, remember being the other boy, it’s hard. The only way is to maintain or down. I wouldn’t want to be him or his parents!!

If he's upset because he's not getting rewards then you need to encourage him to do what the other child has done to be rewarded. Coddling him and telling him it's unfair is going to breed a very bad attitude.

For example if he says
"It's not fair, Jimmy got 3 stickers and I got none"
Then you need to say
"What were his stickers for? Maybe if you do that too then you'll get a sticker".

I wouldn’t say anything. Children are usually pretty perceptive about this sort of thing but it’s very very hard being a teacher of 30 children to spin all the plates and be entirely fair all the time. Presumably the other child is easy to reward because he’s doing the right stuff much of the time. Let it go and hope for a different situation next year.

My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm

😂 is this the new 'spirited'?

How do you know what is going on in the classroom? Are you basing this off what your child is telling you? You sound a little bitter to be honest.

behaviour and character wise they are different! My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm..

Yes, it's most likely this. "Strong character who takes no fools" isn't going to work well in a school setting.

And I say this as someone who had one easy child, one "strong willed" child and one in the middle!