Teacher favouring one child in class all the time! My kid is upset!

[regretnot]

Teacher of reception age kids is favouring one particular boy all the time! It’s very obvious too, he’s in every photo, he’s always got loads of stickers, winning, in top sets, a definite golden child.

my son is similar in ability and paired with him in certain situations ..

behaviour and character wise they are different! My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm.. the other kid is what I would call ‘easy’ temperament, always smiling, easy..

however, lately my son has become upset about going to school.. I think the golden child has been Favoured over him many times and it’s now rubbing off..

he asked me “why is x always chosen and going first and not me?”

What do I do about this??

I don’t want to tell the teacher she is favouriting a child but in the same breath my child is clearly being impacted here..

what would you diplomatically do??

It's been going on for ages and has a special name: 'Teacher's Pet'. There is nothing you or anyone else can do about this.

Strong character or pain in the arse?

I've taught many like that.

A smiling cooperative child is always going to get praise.

I think if I were a teacher my favourite would be the bright kid who was easy going. It wouldn’t make a difference to how I treated them but yeah the least hassle and most pleasant to be around.

It’s almost the end of term, it may be worth talking to your son about how he treats people. If he has a “doesn’t suffer fools gladly” attitude then he may not come across well to other people.

Dd’s teacher seems fond of her, she’s said she’s very bright, behaves well and I think importantly she’s kind to other kids. Definitely not perfect but her behaviour seems to be the biggest element in terms of liking.

Could be a tactic by the teacher to promote the well behaved boy stand out as a shining example to the others so they will copy him or perhaps the boy has something sad in his home life that the teacher is privy to and she's boosting his self esteem at school.

The undertones of your description of your son are the most likely clues here "strong character and takes no fools" etc... perhaps those traits mean his behaviour in school isn't always reliable or consistent in terms of being chosen for special events and activities.

@CwmYoy for being a people pleaser??

I do believe in kids having a spirit, in being allowed to push back and have their own minds.. I encourage this..

an easy smiling kid is great if that’s their natural nature but we don’t want obedient children!! That breeds the current style of capitalist workforce, surely we want authentic thought provoking creative thinkers..

I don’t believe in kids being obedient, which the whole school system is based off of let’s face it.. yes sir, no sir, 3 bags full sir!

I guess my parenting style isn’t conducive to the school environment..

There's a middle ground between defiant and obsequious as well you know.

Top sets? Reception?

🤔

Your last post says it all really…

How would you child’s spirit be demonstrated in a clsssroom @regretnot

Has to be a windup.

Good luck with that.

The teen years will be fun for you, I'm sure 🤣

I don’t believe in kids being obedient

And you wonder why your kids doesn't get awards?

Good luck for secondary school.

So your kid is one of the disruptive ones who doesn't get much discipline at home and is allowed to rule the roost and your wondering why his teacher favours a nice, well behaved child.

Hmm 🤔

Ha ha, yeah, can't imagine why your DS isn't getting loads of stickers. Don't think they give them out for cherishing disobedience. Are you surprised?

Confidence is meaningless if it can't stand up to a knock. That's how it gets stronger. Or do you want everyone to do what your DS wants - yes DS, no DS, 3 bags full DS!?

Dont underestimate the parent politics. The 'golden child' in my ds's class happens to be the head of the pta's child, she is constantly hanging around at the door having a chat with the teacher, while everyone else just picks up and leaves. She inserts herself into every opportunity to spend time with the head teacher etc.

If you want to promote your DC then you might have to start doing similar. Engage the teacher regularly, put yourself as the person organising the end of term teacher present (and be the one who delivers it, probably putting your DC name at the top), volunteer for the school trips etc.

@Withswitch or maybe she could teach her child to behave

If this is how you feel why do you care about him being ‘first’ or ‘chosen’ in class then?

It’s good to be bold and creative but you’ve also got to get on with people. Sounds like your kid will be learning that at school which is a positive

Unfortunately this will happen all through his life, especially in the workplace. People tend to forgive likeable people all their
faults and mistakes and doors open easier for them because they are nice to be around and they make people around them feel good . That's life .

Look, what you describe as "spirited" probably translates as "pain in the arse" to others. You might not value obedience, and you're entitled to your views, but school environments absolutely rely on it to function! Schools are never going to reward bad behaviour. Maybe consider home schooling instead?

My dd is an adult now, but she has always had plenty of "spirit" - high energy, lively mind, strong opinions and the courage to challenge any perceived injustice. But she was also incredibly well behaved, cheerful, easygoing and respectful. If she wanted to question or challenge something, she was polite and measured in her approach. And she understood from an early age that school functions on rules that need to be obeyed. And yes, she did get lots of positive feedback from her teachers because she made their jobs easy.

Sounds like you need to help your ds understand that certain types of behaviour will inevitably be rewarded more than others. That's just life!

Teachers shouldn't have obvious favourites, but the year is nearly over so I would wait it out and say nothing.

But I would also explain to your son that people like happy, friendly people who are easy to get on with and not hard work. They just do, and always will. He doesn't have to agree or comply with anyone's preferences, but he can start to learn about social interaction from this.

Your son is probably taking your lead and pushing back more and being less obedient and so the natural consequence is he's favoured less.

Being favourite is not all there is to life, as you can clearly appreciate as you don't believe in blind obedience, but it's also natural that every type of behaviour has consequences. These are the consequences. Seems perfectly reasonable.