Teacher favouring one child in class all the time! My kid is upset!

[regretnot]

Teacher of reception age kids is favouring one particular boy all the time! It’s very obvious too, he’s in every photo, he’s always got loads of stickers, winning, in top sets, a definite golden child.

my son is similar in ability and paired with him in certain situations ..

behaviour and character wise they are different! My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm.. the other kid is what I would call ‘easy’ temperament, always smiling, easy..

however, lately my son has become upset about going to school.. I think the golden child has been Favoured over him many times and it’s now rubbing off..

he asked me “why is x always chosen and going first and not me?”

What do I do about this??

I don’t want to tell the teacher she is favouriting a child but in the same breath my child is clearly being impacted here..

what would you diplomatically do??

So you tell your child to come here because you can see a loose dog running around snapping. He says no. That's good because you don't want an obedient child. Life changing injuries will ensure he learns his lesson.
He's on a school trip, teacher tells him to wait before crossing. He says no. That's good because you don't want an obedient child. Unfortunately the vehicle was going too fast to stop.

You think you're raising him to be an amazing individual. What does "takes no fools" at 5 even mean fgs. But you're not helping him. He needs to do what he's told at school to learn. He needs to do what he's told to keep him safe. He needs. If he can't follow the rules, he's going to find school very hard and saying "My Mom said I don't have to do what I'm told cos I'm special" isn't going to help

Your parenting style isn't really what I'd call parenting...

But school might be his only chance to get away from the brainwashing and learn how to be a normal member of society!

You seem to be confusing a five year old's opinion with fact. You have no evidence that this child is favoured unless you know how many positive comments or stickers every other child in the class has had. You would have to sit in the corner and make a tally chart over a week to have some evidence! Even then you would have to look at how those kids behaved too!

As a reception teacher you need to really think about this.
No, we don't want complete robots but yes we do want children who understand that there are rules in place. A lot of the time it is for their own safety and so they can learn.
If you are going by what your child tells you then it is probably incorrect. Unfortunately in this country we start formal learning early so if your son is as you say he is then he will likely struggle in year 1 as it is such a big jump for them.
The only other thing you can do is see if it changes in year 1 and if not then look at a school which suits you more. Education, especially state education is a privilege. You are overthinking it and yes teachers use rewards but also focus on intrinsic behaviour and motivation.

Alwaysalwayscold · Today 12:39

Marcipex · Today 12:27
I think that you should home educate your son.

Terrible idea

Not for the teacher!

Yes this is an important question 🤔 my friend used to brag about how “strong willed” her child was and then years later she disclosed to me her child when she was back in year 3 had slapped a TA.

And even now she sends me messages about the “clever” things her now teen daughter says to teacher. Honestly don’t know any of the teachers can stomach her (my friend not her child)

so yeah it really depends on what this looks like in the classroom.

from a teacher's point of view - yes we have favourites. However I'd say my favourite actually feels a bit hard done by as I try so hard not to favour them!

but the favourites aren't the kids getting most stickers. Stickers etc for me are for two reasons:

1. simple well dones / rewards

2. building confidence etc in kids who need extra love. Some kids have experienced / are going through hideous trauma, anxiety etc. I could cry thinking about some of their stories :( sometimes a sticker for a kid who has been in tears about an awful situation is just that... not a golden child... just a teacher being kind.

Child is getting impacted because child takes long to warm to others, which means he doesn't have many friends or maybe none. All he does is what he wants to do and then other times a loner. He has noticed other kid getting praises / stars and he feels upset about this perceived unfairness.

Op wants her child to be a thought leader when most parents would want their children to be happy, have friends, etc. Op is failing her child.

Op you need to channel that energy and creativity in your child towards something and not in his behaviour.
Children need to go to school to learn and they need to know how to behave in group and social settings.
You can't be part of a group then keep being disruptive. That's not how this works. You either work to change from within or leave.
Also, if your child is genuinely a strong character, then this wouldn't bother him.

Suck it up

Is he your 1st child or an only child. School is hard for children initially. They learn that they aren't the center of the universe,that life isn't always fair. It's the first time they really get to see how the world works. If he is bright he will work out what he needs to do. It's all going to change again soon. Really don't obsess over this. You have years of stress in front of you.

It sounds like your DS gets paired with this boy in the hope his behaviour will rub of onto your son and he'll learn how to behave.

Maybe he needs to be taught about respect and boundaries at home first.

It's crazy to think the child who behaves and shows respect is rewarded rather than the cheeky, do as he wants kid isn't it???

I completely agree with you and could have written your post myself when our daughter was the same age. The more I thought about it the more I realised that unfortunately this is the world we live in as adults too. The best person for the job often gets overlooked for the charismatic one etc. Our daughter, probably like your son, was a top performer but not a bragger who sought attention so although she got top marks she was overlooked because she's a bit more introverted. We actually just ended up being honest with her that this will continue and she only needs to validate her worth herself! If he's bright he'll understand so it might help. We explained that although she's the most important person to us, to everyone else she's one of many, harsh as that sounds it's true and now she's nearly 13 I'm so glad we approached it that way. The other girl continued to get the attention from teachers throughout primary, but not from her peers. Our daughter left primary with the highest sats score in her school, was head Girl (chosen by teachers) and has continued to be in the top 2 to 5% in secondary school. She's still introverted by nature but sticks up for herself, questions things and doesn't follow the crowd. She has become very resilient, which at comp is really important. Kids are showered with praise for just behaving or turning up on time simply because they don't so often whereas the kids who behave all of the time aren't. It's a harsh reality that the world isn't fair but in our experience it's worked out better that she accepted that younger because a lot of her peers are now struggling with this realisation and our daughter isn't.

Op needs to realise that to get on in life we all need to follow rules .She needs to teach her son to respect the teacher and to be reminded that if her son behaves in class then he will get rewarded by the teacher also.

Top sets?

As a teacher, I naturally prefer the ones who are respectful towards me e.g. listen when I'm talking, do the work when asked. The so called spirited characters are great in drama or during break time but I don't necessarily want that throughout my lesson. Teachers have targets, people are watching over us, we need to get the content taught within the time we are at school and if a disruptor wins, the course content is not fully taught and results will go down hill. Just teach your child to be kind towards his peers and likewise towards his teacher.

As a teacher, I want curious kids who are able to follow the rules. I am always open to debate and discussion, but I will absolutely not tolerate rudeness, impoliteness or a lack of consideration towards the others in our classroom.

Every year there is always at least one student who thinks that they are above the rules and has to be reminded that they adapt to the classroom, the classroom doesn't adapt to them. Once we have these boundaries firmly in place, then everyone is going to get along nicely. Regardless of how bright they are, common courtesy is an absolute necessity.

Top set in reception?? thats nothing I have ever heard of??

Perhaps the other child deserves the awards, unless you have been in the classroom observing its hard as a parent to really know whats going on. So I would leave it!

Here's another take on it. The teachers will be aware of their home life situation and for this "matilda" to have MH issues suggests perhaps she hasn't had the best upbringing and home life. Therefore the teachers seem to "favour" her but they might know she needs a boost due to safeguarding reasons or her home life

i’m confused the most reward and recognition stuff goes to the neediest kids usually to encourage them

It has changed. Differentiation is old hat.

Was thinking this, or I tend to use the term lively in my reports! 😂

“I don’t believe in kids being obedient, which the whole school system is based off of let’s face it.. yes sir, no sir, 3 bags full sir!”

Oh dear, on dear, of dear.

Fucking hell!