Teacher favouring one child in class all the time! My kid is upset!

[regretnot]

Teacher of reception age kids is favouring one particular boy all the time! It’s very obvious too, he’s in every photo, he’s always got loads of stickers, winning, in top sets, a definite golden child.

my son is similar in ability and paired with him in certain situations ..

behaviour and character wise they are different! My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm.. the other kid is what I would call ‘easy’ temperament, always smiling, easy..

however, lately my son has become upset about going to school.. I think the golden child has been Favoured over him many times and it’s now rubbing off..

he asked me “why is x always chosen and going first and not me?”

What do I do about this??

I don’t want to tell the teacher she is favouriting a child but in the same breath my child is clearly being impacted here..

what would you diplomatically do??

“My badly behaved 5 year old isn’t given as much praise as his friendly, well behaved classmate and the teacher is a big fat meanie not to see my son is a future Che Guevara who deserves all the prizes.”

You make no sense. Your child must be confused.

You don't want to raise a follower of rules blah blah blah but you are jealous of a 4 year old getting a sticker for being a follower of rules.

Odd.

When I taught reception the children were divided into groups for some subjects so that differentiated work could be set. But it was delivered as learning through play.

I can't be the only one who feels so sorry for your child. Not for what happens at school but for his lack of decent parenting.

Kids need and thrive in a structured environment with rules.

That’s why kids are naturally obedient and why schools have set routines and rules to follow, because it’s what kids prefer.

Even puppies and other mammals are born with the built in urge to follow and be obedient to their mums/owners.

It’s a concern that you have this view because this is very much your opinion and you’re not thinking of what’s best for your child.

I don't believe in kids being obedient

I imagine the teacher is clearly showing your child that being obedient gets you more credit than being disobedient. Good for them.

You really don't need to wonder any longer why the teacher favours the other child. Can you imagine teaching a class of 30 disobedient kids?

👏👏👏

BuIt I thought you were pissed your kid isn’t getting the stickers?

So, your kid is difficult and causes issues - because you allow this to happen at home. The problem is you, not the child - sorry.

Love your child, tell them they're amazing - then maybe, ask the teacher what he's like most days and ask how you can help...

Hes your favourite because hes your son but not everyone else is going to favour him.
Hes gonna have to learn that some children are better at things.
And hes not always gonna come top/first thats life adult or child.
At some point he will see hes not entitled to everything but if you continue to tell him he is your in for a long bumpy road when he gets older.
Even as grown up we get let down and not always get what we want but we have to learn from it teach him that from start we cant always have our own way or be the favourite.
Some parents need to bring kids up to understand not to expect they are entitled to everything.

OP, there is often a " Golden Child" that is favoured, in all the photos etc. They're the compliant, photogenic child that the teacher can rely on to follow the rules. They usually get the better parts in school plays and assemblies further up the school, again, because the teacher can rely on them to do it properly.
I've also seen a golden child suddenly get treated the same as the other children, by a different teacher. They found that very difficult to accept.
Sensible parents roll their eyes and let it go. I've had a very capable, but not golden child. His time came further up the school.

OP, I remember reading an Enid Blyton story many years ago called ‘She hadn’t any friends’ about a girl who was complaining that she wasn’t invited to parties and wasn’t very popular with either kids nor her teacher and couldn’t understand why. I can’t remember the full story but think that the teacher sat her down and explained it was because the girl was an ‘in-between’ sort of person; she wasn’t nasty but nor was she particularly nice. The teacher pointed out that the children that the girl was jealous of were thoughtful and kind towards other people and wanted to make others feel good. The teacher advised the girl that “the best way to make friends is to BE a friend”.

That advice has stuck with me my whole life. Perhaps it may help your child too? Ask him to worry less about getting accolades and more about how he can help others. He may find more self-worth in that.

Hone school your child and he can be top of the class and teacher's pet too?

I think that you should home educate your son.

"we don't want obedient children".

Teacher here - I do, thanks.

You are failing your child.

You come across like a conspiracy theorist.

I suspect the teacher does have favourites (we're only human - as adults, sometimes you like certain people more in life, sometimes less, so it's naturally the same in a classroom) though it shouldn't be obvious to parents, as all children should and deserve to be treated fairly.

A child of reception age is still in the part of life where they are developmentally egocentric. He may notice this other child getting picked for things but it sounds to me as though you're laying it on quite thick to him.

The snippet of what you see is no reflection on the day to day classroom ins and outs. There are a number of reasons why this child could be singled out. There could be a lot going on at home and the child needs visual reminders of their own good behaviour to support them in making good choices. Perhaps they are just a sensible, really well behaved child who deserves to have recognition for their good behaviour. A child should not miss out on this in case a parent gets het up.

If your child is a little difficult as you're alluding, they will be praised and recognised for their achievements in class but perhaps this will not be visual to all members of the PTA, it will be communicated to him directly.

We shouldn't be teaching children to behave like robots but we should certainly instil the expectations for good behaviour. Good behaviour is expected in any aspect of school life, as well as working life too. It is what it is. Stop worrying about the other child and take a look at the message you're sending out to your own child.

Terrible idea

'strong character, slow to warm, takes no fool'.

All these are euphemism for 'hard work' when it comes to children that age OP. Sorry!

Great idea - it keeps the two of them occupied and out of the way of the rest of society

Second this, will be a much better experience for the teacher and the rest of the class.

Parent here. I do as well thanks.

Means the teacher can actually teach and not have to manage the ‘non-obedient by choice’ child’s behaviour.

You have been given some wonderful advice on here op, which would be in yours and your sons favour to listen to and reflect on.

I somehow doubt you will though. You have probably dismissed them all muttering 'bloody sheep, I will continue parenting like this, because my boy is cleverer and bolder and braver than everyone else.'

Which is your choice. However, with that choice comes consequences. He won't be liked by peers or teachers. It sounds like you are validating his superiority. But he isn't. He might be clever, sure, but it doesn't sound like he's being taught to be kind. (The suffer fools bit). You can be kind without being a doormat. You can be clever without being superior. You can be assertive without being arrogant.

The ability to get on with people is a really valuable skill, dismiss it as inferior at your peril.

Takes no fool? Like "doesn't suffer fools gladly?"

He's 5 years old! 😄

The people pleaser is pleasing people. Your son can choose to be more of a people pleaser or generate less pleasure in those around him.