Teacher favouring one child in class all the time! My kid is upset!

[regretnot]

Teacher of reception age kids is favouring one particular boy all the time! It’s very obvious too, he’s in every photo, he’s always got loads of stickers, winning, in top sets, a definite golden child.

my son is similar in ability and paired with him in certain situations ..

behaviour and character wise they are different! My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm.. the other kid is what I would call ‘easy’ temperament, always smiling, easy..

however, lately my son has become upset about going to school.. I think the golden child has been Favoured over him many times and it’s now rubbing off..

he asked me “why is x always chosen and going first and not me?”

What do I do about this??

I don’t want to tell the teacher she is favouriting a child but in the same breath my child is clearly being impacted here..

what would you diplomatically do??

Honestly!! Sounds like he’s just demanding and contrary towards anyone who doesn’t listen to him.

I guess my parenting style isn’t conducive to the school environment..

So you have chosen to send him to school and also chosen to parent him a way that has the potential to hinder his experience in school. Why would you do that?
Home educate him or parent him differently.

My son is a strong character, bright, takes no fool and is slow to warm

So this other kid is nice, and your son is, well, not. Maybe this is a good lesson for him.

The work still has to be differentiated unless it has changed drastically in the past 10
Years. You wouldn't have a Top table and a Bottom table but the teacher will still have to differentiate at least 3 levels plus for SEN.

Ok, so you know what the issue/solution is, what is the point of this thread?

You can tell your son that the other child has a behaviour that matches the school’s expectations.

'I don’t believe in kids being obedient'

What a shame that your very rigid parenting views have come back to bite you, and the result is that your DS is unhappy at school. Before we force our 'philosophies' on children we should think through how they may be affected by them. Very selfish parenting IMO.

Also you are incorrectly using 'people pleaser' (which always seems to be a derogatory phrase) to mean 'pleasant and sociable' which is obviously a good characteristic.

Look to how you can help your own child negotiate relationships with others rather than villainising another child and the teacher; you've made the mess, you need to sort it out.

where does it say he is not well behaved?

• we don’t want obedient children!! That breeds the current style of capitalist workforce, surely we want authentic thought provoking creative thinkers..

I don’t believe in kids being obedient, which the whole school system is based off of let’s face it.. yes sir, no sir, 3 bags full sir!*

This is what the OP says. She doesn't want her child to behave in accordance with school rules.

Oh, you're one of those mums..

I don’t want to tell the teacher she is favouriting a child but in the same breath my child is clearly being impacted here..

It's reception! They spend half the day colouring things in

Just encourage your child to read at home - this is ten times more useful than anything you imagine the teacher should be doing

This is screaming 'my son would never'

Cringing for you OP.

You can’t do anything it happens all through life .

Well, yes. Good social skills, self awareness and consideration towards others will always confer significant advantages.

I guess my parenting style isn’t conducive to the school environment..

Your parenting style isn't conducive to anything in society. You are massively setting up your child to fail at life if you don't teach him to be co-operative. He will fail in the workplace, he will fail at relationships, he might break laws and end up in prison since he doesn't believe he has to 'obey' the laws of the land.

It already sounds from how you describe him that he has a difficult time getting along with people in general. This is entirely your fault based on what you've said about your parenting style. You'd better try and fix it while he's still young and teach him the correct way to behave and the level of respect he is required to show those in authority or you'll be regretting it down the road when you're dealing with the aftermath.

So you're saying it's ok for a teacher who is meant to remain impartial, to be favouring one child over all the others?

The teacher seems to be rewarding the child who is pleasant and behaves well and not the one who has been taught not to obey authority. That isn't favouritism.

It isn't at all clear from what the OP has posted that the teacher is favouring one child unfairly.

The teacher may simply be recognising and rewarding good behaviour, which is typically what schools do. Unfortunately for the OP's ds, his mum doesn't approve of good behaviour and encourages him to behave in ways that are unlikely to be rewarded. Hopefully, as he grows up, he will begin to realise that he can either change his behaviour or live with the lack of recognition and reward. The poor lad hasn't properly understood that yet, and it doesn't seem likely that his mother is likely to help him grasp it, so inevitably he will feel that it's unfair. He is apparently bright though, so he'll probably work it out for himself eventually.

Favouritism is subjective.
Show me a parent of multiple children who hasn't at sometime been accused by one of them of favouring the other child.

If you want to interpret it as I am saying it is okay for the teacher to favour one child, then I don't think you are the type of person to be reasoned with 🤦🏻‍♀️

Exactly.

There is nothing unfair about this approach. What is unfair is that not all children are taught about appropriate behaviour by their parents. Schools can try to fill in the gaps as best they can, but they can't completely erase the disadvantages of poor parenting.

Fgs. No your parenting style is not conducive to the school situation. Maybe it hasn't ever occurred to you that the teacher, unlike you, is managing a whole classroom full of 5 year-olds. Can you imagine 30 children all constantly 'pushing back' and being 'spirited'? It would be total chaos and nobody would learn anything. If you are so keen on this style of teaching, I suggest you try homeschooling!

So you're saying it's ok for a teacher who is meant to remain impartial, to be favouring one child over all the others?

Who says that teachers are supposed to remain impartial? Generally teachers are expected to prefer good behaviour to poor behaviour, and to issue rewards and sanctions accordingly. That's not impartial. It would be very naïve to believe this teacher is showering favouritism on this one golden child when it's very obvious that what's going on is that the OP's child is used to being allowed to behave however they like and is miffed that this doesn't get rewards at school.

And takes no fool?

No your parenting style will do him no favors. If anything it will make his life difficult and i know you don't want that. But he is only little if you make changes now this can be turned around. There are great parenting course out there to help.

This is actually very unusual IME - not the teacher having favourites, I find that quite common - but the very well behaved child getting all the stickers and certificates. IME it's normally the badly behaved child getting it all in an attempt to persuade them to continue any small snippets of good behaviour they might have shown!

Your role as the parent here is to support your son to develop resilience and positive self talk, not to get the world to change to suit him.