Secret savings account!!

[MumaJo]

I'll keep it as brief as possible....
I've been with my partner for 15 years, we have alway been financial separate until the last 3 year when we had our son, since then I've had to rely on him for money as I can only work part time!
I have £10k debt from when I brought our house, (my partner help with renovation cost so it's half his house) and he has his own house that he rents out...
He works hard and is on a very good wage currently earning 3.5 times what I get, he also gives me money towards the household bills and covers the nursery! I have very little if not nothing left at the end of the month after all the bills, food and general life.
We usually take turns getting groceries as I like to feel I'm contributing and I tend to get anything my boys need's like, shoes, clothes etc! I do manage to stretch it out to get my hair done etc every couple of months but I'm constantly juggling and occasionally have to add to my loan to get by!!
I have an old 2010 mini which is fine and my partner recently purchased a brand new VW transporter to convert into a camper for us so go off travelling in so that lovely!! He has paid for our holiday! But I keep getting reminders that he paid for that!!
But I've recently found out he has a savings account with £70k in it... and he puts £1000 in a month (he doesn't know I know)
One part of me thinks it's his money, he does contribute towards bills and he can do what he wants with it... but the other half feels like I have been struggling unnecessarily when he could have been helping me!!
I feel he has a lovely safety net, 1.5 houses, a massive saving account and a 3 pension when he gets old!! I on the other hand have debt, no way to work more to pay it off as I look after our boy and all I earn goes on bills and general life!!
Really hard to know what to do! It's not mine, I don't have any right to it and not even sure if I should be upset it exists!!
Let me know what you all think.. TIA xx

Me and DH have separate finances. But the difference is that we do not have shared children (I have adult DC from previous marriage). I earn more than him slightly and I definitely save more, because I'm a saver and he's a spender.

That said, when I had an inheritance, I did pay off some of his debts.

The difference here, is that you have been financially disadvantaged by having children and he hasn't. You have sacrificed your career and salary for your son, and he hasn't. That's clearly not fair. I think once you have children, it's time to pool all finances. Do you have any plans to marry?

Reality is often unpleasant.

Before feminism it was (mainly) seen as the man’s duty to provide financially for his wife and family. Now according to some it’s a “luxury”
no-one can afford if a mother wants to be with her children at home (f/t or p/t). I’m not “taking sides”, but it’s a strange world …

As for the OP, legal advice asap, as I said on page one. Why do people not want to do this?

I never really thought about it at the time worked 30 hours but was always at the school gates,

sometimes for promotional events there were evening and weekend events, no extra money or toil then

. Husband would be gone at seven back at five in the winter z, but in the summer crawled in at ten PM so 15 hour days.

We just cracked on, didn't know anything else.

BUT we were young had our first child when I was 23 second at 25. We had so much energy.

I did a 30 hour job, looked after the house, garden. In the summer we spent from Friday to Sunday on a boat. This meant. Stripping uniform off into the washing machine. Packing up the car with food and clothes for the weekend, going down to the boat, getting on board, unpacking, doing a bit of fishing, giving kids tea and waiting for daddy.

Today with career paths being so different, people getting together later, commuting my 42 year old son has friends who've been or are going through IVF

You can't expect him to give you 40k and walk away from it surely?

He can’t expect her to look after children alone 24/7 when he is away as he is now; and four days of the week when she is not working. A proper live in nanny gets up to 55,000 gross per year. OP will have earned that by now.

He cannot expect her to put him up rent free so he can let out his house to give himself extra income which he does not share with her. How much should he be paying in rent for a house like hers even as a half share?

Why do you think it COSTS £2000 per month in London to PAY FOR a nursery worker with 3 other children to look after a child, or up to &55,000 pa for a full time live in nanny? Is that not employment? And that is without the wages of a cleaner, etc.

If according to you she is only part-time EMPLOYED, and owed no fair share of income from her husband’s profit from her being at home the rest of the time, then the rest of the week she must be being a SLAVE.

55k per annum for a nanny, that's better than most folks pay in London. I'd go for that job if young.

I wonder if these nannies save all their money and can then buy a house near parents who'll arrange tenants.

My friend working in Dubai, accommodation and food provided sent her money home to mum. They bought a terraced house outright in two years.

I don’t know where you get 55k for a live in nanny… don’t believe everything you read on Google. it’s no where near that for most of them. There’s loads of adverts for them at 26k in London. I was a live in nanny on London for nearly 20 yrs and didn’t get near to half of 55k in salary, that included working for some very well off families.

He lives away half the time so he’s not living in the house a lot of the time so how much rent should he pay?

Hiow people think he’s lucky that he gets to work away from home, without friends and family possibly working long hours and possibly in crap living conditions? Yet OP only works part time and she’s unlucky?

Here is the nanny salary guide I saw:
https://www.royalnannies.co.uk/en/nanny-salary-guide

There are some very good salaries for governesses abroad being offered too.77

Some young children have governesses in the form of their mothers being able to spend a lot of time during the day talking, reading, making things with them. Some mothers/parents go on and do home school, giving educations that would cost £1000s if bought on the open market.

But sadly, frequently of much lower value.

If he earns 3.5 x more than you, I hope he is paying 3.5 x more than you towards the bills?

Don't sign over half the house to him OP. He's not paying rent. You're taking the financial hit that comes with being the default parent. If he wants everything 50/50 then that's different. It doesn't sound that way it sounds like he wants your house 50/50 and everything else is 100% his.

What did you mean, please, by this?

What would be sadly, frequently of much lower value?