Secret savings account!!

[MumaJo]

I'll keep it as brief as possible....
I've been with my partner for 15 years, we have alway been financial separate until the last 3 year when we had our son, since then I've had to rely on him for money as I can only work part time!
I have £10k debt from when I brought our house, (my partner help with renovation cost so it's half his house) and he has his own house that he rents out...
He works hard and is on a very good wage currently earning 3.5 times what I get, he also gives me money towards the household bills and covers the nursery! I have very little if not nothing left at the end of the month after all the bills, food and general life.
We usually take turns getting groceries as I like to feel I'm contributing and I tend to get anything my boys need's like, shoes, clothes etc! I do manage to stretch it out to get my hair done etc every couple of months but I'm constantly juggling and occasionally have to add to my loan to get by!!
I have an old 2010 mini which is fine and my partner recently purchased a brand new VW transporter to convert into a camper for us so go off travelling in so that lovely!! He has paid for our holiday! But I keep getting reminders that he paid for that!!
But I've recently found out he has a savings account with £70k in it... and he puts £1000 in a month (he doesn't know I know)
One part of me thinks it's his money, he does contribute towards bills and he can do what he wants with it... but the other half feels like I have been struggling unnecessarily when he could have been helping me!!
I feel he has a lovely safety net, 1.5 houses, a massive saving account and a 3 pension when he gets old!! I on the other hand have debt, no way to work more to pay it off as I look after our boy and all I earn goes on bills and general life!!
Really hard to know what to do! It's not mine, I don't have any right to it and not even sure if I should be upset it exists!!
Let me know what you all think.. TIA xx

It.
is.
not.
the.
same.

she is in the debt because of the pregnancy, child rearing and paying for all the child related expenses, losing money in her pension while be takes no responsibility for the child and saves £1k a month living rent free.

There's no "fairly" here if he has no problem letting you sacrifice most of your salary and career advancement in order to care for HIS child. You should be sharing finances proportionally and he needs to pay into your pension. Even so, you won't be able to pick up where you left off, so will have permanently sacrificed financially.

If the OP doesn't work, who's paying the mortgage, utilities, food Etc

A bit of renovation doesn't amount to half the house.

How did you find out about the secret account? If you stumbled across it by chance I would have a frank conversation about the unfairness of your financial arrangements. He might say you are irresponsible with money. So have your spreadsheets ready

Just wondering - could he be putting away the money he gets in rent in order to hopefully reinvest in another property - or perhaps to go halves with you on your/a new property for you both to share?
Perhaps it's a surprise?
I'm being optimistic here

When you’re in a committed relationship with someone, I’m of the view that for stuff as important as this, it is best to just present the finding-out as a fait accompli and say ‘regardless of how I know this, what are we (you) going to do?’

Also - renovations can amount to a huge amount if new roof, new kitchen, new walls and ceilings, extension, new bathroom, new floors, central heating, new boiler, damp course.

You say it was in a real mess, so how much was done OP?

OP has explained how she found out about the savings, and it clearly wasn't in a way that means she can let him know that she knows about it.

Yes OP has been naïve but who hasn't!
The man is the bad one, he's exploiting her, she's doing all the unpaid work, without that he'd have far less time & energy to invest in himself and squirrel away money for himself.
So yes she has been naïve but he is a piece of shit.

Sad to say but you're being even MORE naïve than the OP has been!

He isn't a partner in any sense of the word
I'm sorry, he is fleecing you in plain sight.
You need to open a conversation about your budget, and tell him you're struggling( obviously you can't drop your friend in it about the savings)

Not being naive - speculating. The OP has no idea what this money is being put aside for so it's totally open to speculation. I'm speculating.

😅

It's in my name but we have both paid in equally to get it to a nice standard... legally mine but fairly half half

No, no, no!

OP, he has been living off you and saving his money while you struggle to support yourself and D.C. He has no right, legally or morally, to any share of your house. He should be paying a lot more of the household expenses. He is making a fool of you. Please stand up for yourself and your child.

This! His money stopped being "his" after he had a child with you, OP.

@YourAquaSnail Now you know this is not true .

This is what can happen when you have children and you are not married. You can end up shit creek financially.

@justasking111 I do work 3 days a week and my wages go towards the bills, household expenses, paying my loans and general day to day stuff.

@TidydeskTidymind thanks for the positivity 🙏🏻 No I don't think so, I think it's a saving for the future if I was to guess. He's more of a saver than an investor! I don't think he's doing it to be horrible, probably thinking long term for us all... with blinkers on 🙄 I think I just need to stop being a Marta and say I need him to contribute more! I guess his answer will be telling xx

@TidydeskTidymind complete renovations and a new garage with a office (for my partner to work) we did most the work ourselves so renovation totalling about £37-40k
I've probably paid about the same in deposit and mortgage payments. The house was a real mess but now has about £200k equity

I don’t know the legal details on this but if he’s contributed significant value to the property then he may have a financial claim. So I’d take professional advice before “ditching him”.

Put your financial and housing situations in order

By having to sell the property to pay him off.

Any way you like.