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Original poster

Partner won't help pay for family car

165 replies

LIzo1234 · 05/05/2024 22:36

My partner and I have been together for 17 years and have two kids together. We have a joint account and share most household bills. Recently our very old car has had to go to car heaven and we've got to get a new one. The problem is that my my partner feels that, since he doesn't need a car to get to work, as he works locally, I should pay for it.

This is partly because he doesn't like cars (for environmental reasons) but I can't get to my job without one and we need one for family holidays, weekend trips away etc.

I have spent the past two weeks researching cars (I think I could do a degree in car makes now!). I've found one that seems right. It's £12,000 which nowadays is pretty standard, if not cheap but he thinks that's too much and doesn't want to contribute.

Do you think that's fair? Am I being unreasonable in expecting that we would half the cost?

OP posts:
MigGirl · 05/05/2024 22:40

Your not being unreasonable in expecting him to pay towards a car that will be used for the benefit of the family. You maybe could agree that as your the one that needs it for work you should pay more, but he should still contribute.

Pigeonqueen · 05/05/2024 22:42

So I take it he’s not going to go on any family holidays or benefit from the car at all? 🤔 And he doesn’t feel his own children should either? 🤔 He’s being very unreasonable.

Original poster
LIzo1234 · 05/05/2024 22:45

He thinks that because I put the petrol on the joint account, that counts as a contribution.

OP posts:
TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 05/05/2024 22:47

LIzo1234 · 05/05/2024 22:45

He thinks that because I put the petrol on the joint account, that counts as a contribution.

Then pay for the car out of the joint account

sparklychair · 05/05/2024 22:47

Take taxis for work (adjusting your share of household bills accordingly) and half the costs of hiring a car for outings. Maybe it will be cheaper than a new car?

LardoBurrows · 05/05/2024 22:49

So how would he feel if you said you would have to give up your job as you cannot get to work, also that there will be no more family holidays or weekend trips. Would he be ok with that?

Pattothecatto · 05/05/2024 22:50

Wow you had two kids with your roommate

Sunflower07 · 05/05/2024 22:56

I would suggest getting a cheap 2 seater smart car if it's just for your commute, and see what he says then. I bet he'll object to it as it won't meet the family's needs. Maybe he'll realise then it needs to be a shared cost.

EarthSight · 05/05/2024 22:56

I got my 2nd hand car for about 5k. Not saying you have to go that low, but maybe you could find something decent for less than 12k.

I'll comment on the rest of it -

I'm surprised you have a joint account, quite frankly, but I note that you're not married......I don't think that's a coincidence.

There are some men that despite settling down, despite living and being in a serious relationship, despite even fathering children, ultimately will always be on their own side.

You might think of the both of you as a team, but if he's the type of man that I suspect he is, he won't think like that. I's just not how they're made, emotionally.

There's his side, your side, and you occasionally work together on join ventures, but he will always be on own side. They keep their female partners at a certain distance because of this, and are usually quite selfish. Often they won't marry because they will never, ever fully share their assets or want to give their female partners certain rights.

He doesn't need something? Then you don't need it either. If you do, you'll be paying for it.

He sounds like a dick, quite frankly. Is he never going to be using the car? I assume your children ferry themselves around purely by public transport? And you won't be hearing a peep from him when you decide not to do any family outings in your car either? Or not use it when you next have to do a big, shop or when you next go to somewhere like IKEA?

dragonscannotswim · 05/05/2024 22:58

Sunflower07 · 05/05/2024 22:56

I would suggest getting a cheap 2 seater smart car if it's just for your commute, and see what he says then. I bet he'll object to it as it won't meet the family's needs. Maybe he'll realise then it needs to be a shared cost.

Good idea!

Original poster
LIzo1234 · 05/05/2024 23:27

Hmmm A Smartcar!... I have been looked at some superminis. Even they're about £8,000. When did car get so bloody expensive? Anyhow... I'm really not going extravagant. Just wanted something fairly reliable and safe.

Just not sure how to make him see that he's being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
LIzo1234 · 05/05/2024 23:45

As for big shops and IKEA. He takes a wheelbarrow to the supermarket and would NEVER go to IKEA. As a family, he is pretty rigid about using public transport as much as possible- even when we had our our old banger. So we have lots of trips on buses and trains, which I don't mind - when they run. We do use the car but only when we have to (or if I put my foot down).

He really would quite like to live very simply. Carless. And not work too much.

I think he feels like his lifestyle is massively compromised by having two kids (who he loves) and a partner, though I know he wouldn't change it. He loves his family but it's like he is so frustrated by the way the world is and sometimes things like cars represent all that he finds difficult.

I just wish he was more straightforward. He's very tricky reason with because he's so environmentally driven. It kinda feels like his arguments, in his mind, have the upper hand. I just end up getting upset.

OP posts:
merrymelodies · 05/05/2024 23:48

Maybe consider a car share company?

Original poster
LIzo1234 · 05/05/2024 23:50

Thank merrymelodies, looked into car share but there's none locally.

OP posts:
Tobermory · 05/05/2024 23:55

He doesn’t literally take a wheelbarrow to the supermarket?!

someone upthread hit the nail on the head with their description of ‘his team’
He wants to use public transport. He wants to take a wheelbarrow to the supermarket. He wants to walk everywhere.

What about what you want OP?

Dweetfidilove · 06/05/2024 00:05

Good grief 🤦🏾‍♀️. I’m sorry you’re lumbered with this person.

I think while this is the partner you’re choosing, you’ll just have to buy and pay for the car. Unless you find a way to magic it from the joint account 🤷🏽‍♀️.

SheilaFentiman · 06/05/2024 00:10

I think he feels like his lifestyle is massively compromised by having two kids (who he loves) and a partner, though I know he wouldn't change it

Errrr… what?!

GrumpyPanda · 06/05/2024 00:19

LIzo1234 · 05/05/2024 22:45

He thinks that because I put the petrol on the joint account, that counts as a contribution.

If he's such an environmentalist, he ought to realize the actual costs of a car by far exceed petrol. Maybe pay for commuting costs out of yiur own account but for all family trips, take the equivalent of the car hire costs out of the joint? Or really get a cheap 2seater and use a car club/hire cars for joint activities.

StrawberryWater · 06/05/2024 00:47

Sorry but I got whiplash reading the thing about the wheelbarrow! WT actual F.

Absolutely ridiculous.

I'm surprised he's not telling you to invest in a calash carriage and horse.

BusterGonad · 06/05/2024 01:39

What does he do with the wheelbarrow when he's in store filling the trolly!? Or does he use it as a trolly also?

loudbatperson · 06/05/2024 02:10

But having children has a lot more of an impact to the environment than a car.

MariaVT65 · 06/05/2024 02:21

What a dick.

I am concerned that you’re not married tbh, as you’d have more rights if you broke up. He sounds like someone who would screw you over.

What else goes into and comes out of the joint account? I would close it tbh and make sure you pay for absolutely nothing for him.

coxesorangepippin · 06/05/2024 03:26

Surely if he was that fussed he'd be off grid, no use for a wheelbarrow to nip to Waitrose or wherever? Growing his own veg, etc etc

But he's not??

He really would quite like to live very simply. Carless. And not work too much.

^

'Not work too much', why am I not surprised!

PickledPurplePickle · 06/05/2024 04:32

He takes a wheelbarrow to the supermarket?

Are you serious? This would give me the ick and I would be gone

sanityisamyth · 06/05/2024 04:53

Sunflower07 · 05/05/2024 22:56

I would suggest getting a cheap 2 seater smart car if it's just for your commute, and see what he says then. I bet he'll object to it as it won't meet the family's needs. Maybe he'll realise then it needs to be a shared cost.

Or an electric bike - one seater!