Partner won't help pay for family car

[LIzo1234]

My partner and I have been together for 17 years and have two kids together. We have a joint account and share most household bills. Recently our very old car has had to go to car heaven and we've got to get a new one. The problem is that my my partner feels that, since he doesn't need a car to get to work, as he works locally, I should pay for it.

This is partly because he doesn't like cars (for environmental reasons) but I can't get to my job without one and we need one for family holidays, weekend trips away etc.

I have spent the past two weeks researching cars (I think I could do a degree in car makes now!). I've found one that seems right. It's £12,000 which nowadays is pretty standard, if not cheap but he thinks that's too much and doesn't want to contribute.

Do you think that's fair? Am I being unreasonable in expecting that we would half the cost?

ultimately
he doesn’t want a car
he doesn’t need a car
he would navigate family life and needs without a car

That;s expensive!! It seems a good idea but if I already had a wheelbarrow I might be tempted to use it rather than pay £243 for that.

I have a very similar one that I paid a lot less for - that one just came up on a quick search

By giving OP a backie to work so she can earn enough to pay half the bills?

If I were posting (from the past) that my partner was demanding that I gave him £6000 so he could buy a new car for £12,000 because it's his right to have something I rarely gained any benefit from, I already paid for more petrol than I could ever use on the odd holiday he wanted to take, I did all the shopping on foot taking a trolley and caught buses everywhere I needed to go, I don't think so many posters would be saying the children's lives weren't worth living and it was his right to remove money I'd earned from the bank because it owed him something nice to go and fro from work.

But then again, this is cars we're talking about. So maybe they would.

Point out splitting up would cost him far more.

If he was such a committed environmentalist he wouldn’t have fathered two children. He’s a fkg hypocrite really.

being mean is a very unappealing quality in anyone

hope you won’t ever be giving him lifts

He sounds insufferable.

Like a poster said, he's not really on your team, is he? The team where you work together to make your joint lives doable and enjoyable and to provide the best possible life with many opportunities for your kids.

Poor you he sounds like a right wally.
I don't think I could live with all that crap.
Get your car so you can get to work and tell him he's not allowed in it and can move into a cave with his wheelbarrow. Tell him's crossed a line with his environmentalism and has given you the ick

He does though.

He also benefits from it when it suits him.

He’s just one of these who likes to preach about all of the good things they do but in reality he needs OP to drive this car.

If he didn’t want one or need one then why do him and the kids use it?

Explain to him that the alternative to a car is to move house - next door to your school.....

I wouldn't dream of living with an arsehole like this.
Sorry.

Not quite sure where I stand on the car issue, but I have grudging admiration for someone who does the shopping with a wheelbarrow! (my OH has bought a car that we don't need, but paid for that himself).

I honestly think that £12,000 for a car just to use for work is excessive, call me cheap but I've never paid that for car. We just don't have the money. I certainly wouldn't be going halves.

It's a good job it's not just used for work then isn't it? 🤷

And I think if the DP had said “oh, that’s a lot, can I do a bit of searching/how about I contribute £4k of the £12k?” then I’m sure OP wouldn’t be feeling like she is.

So if you have to buy it, then every time your children need to be taken somewhere, or anything done to benefit them or if he benefits or is in it ( family holiday)294’ out a per mile charge to him. 50% charge for chikdren, 100% if benefits him.

not the petrol, but the cost of having a car, insuring etc - as petrol alone is not the only cost. When in a taxi, you don’t pay just for the share of the petrol, do you!??

Can you not just get a car club? Can you not cycle to work?

If you absolutely need a car can your work provide one?

Also I've never spent more than £3k on a second hand car, £12k seems a lot?

Op has stated:

1. she is a teacher and needs to take files to school; also, it’s 11 miles
2. she lives in rural Northumberland and there are no car clubs.
3. workplaces seldom provide cars, and schools sure as shooting don’t.

also - these are his beliefs, not hers. She is not the one who has a problem with the family needing a car.

“Also I've never spent more than £3k on a second hand car, £12k seems a lot?”

Have you googled second hand cars since the pandemic? I agree £12k is quite high, but £3k wouldn’t buy you much.

He can bugger off and live off grid with his wheelbarrow and you can go off on dates in your new car to meet someone who's not a weirdo.

17 years and you've only now realised he's a dick

There's 250 cars in my area for under £2,000. All look pretty good. Not shitty bangers.

Can you not just get a car club?
The OP has looked into this. They don't exist where she lives.

Can you not cycle to work?

She works 11miles away. As a teacher she often has to carry books to work. Cycling isn't an option.

If you absolutely need a car can your work provide one?

This made me laugh. Schools can barely afford the basics they certainly aren't able to afford to provide a car for staff!!

Plus, workplaces don't regularly provide cars for staff unless part of your role involves driving. There are some staff incentive schemes but they certainly apply to schools

She needs a car.