Partner won't help pay for family car

[LIzo1234]

My partner and I have been together for 17 years and have two kids together. We have a joint account and share most household bills. Recently our very old car has had to go to car heaven and we've got to get a new one. The problem is that my my partner feels that, since he doesn't need a car to get to work, as he works locally, I should pay for it.

This is partly because he doesn't like cars (for environmental reasons) but I can't get to my job without one and we need one for family holidays, weekend trips away etc.

I have spent the past two weeks researching cars (I think I could do a degree in car makes now!). I've found one that seems right. It's £12,000 which nowadays is pretty standard, if not cheap but he thinks that's too much and doesn't want to contribute.

Do you think that's fair? Am I being unreasonable in expecting that we would half the cost?

😆

You can get a decent car for a lot less than that. Still I think he needs to pay half. Because it will be his kids being transported round presumably and not just you.

You didn’t say you were married to Tom Good.
A wheelbarrow? Fuck me, that’s one of the cringiest things I’ve read.
Buy a small cheap car and never let him in it. If he wants to take the kids on the bus don’t go with him.
Actually I think I might have to leave him though.

Why should she do what he wants? She wants a car!

He sounds very boring, selfish and stingy men are naturally a turn off for me. Takes a wheel barrow to supermarkets ???Just buy the car with joint account as his children will be using it. What will he do then?? Take it back??

Thanks for your replies. Is say he's a pretty committed environmentalist. He would definitely like to live off grid but we've kind of found a way to compromise. In many ways he's had to adjust how he'd like to live because of me. Not that I don't care about the environment but I think Im more pragmatic about it all. Living off grid - I don't think either of us are practical enough.

So I get that some of you are saying it's fair enough. I think he would find a way of living without a car and would adjust life accordingly. But it makes it very hard with kids. They sometimes want to go places in a car! For an electric car you need to live somewhere you can charge them and we don't.

I teach at a school 11 miles away in rural Northumberland. Buses aren't an option. I could bike but I often have to lug books etc about with me. I really need a car.

Ah so he's a stubborn twat and you and your kids have to do all of the compromising in this relationship?!

Buy the car and drive the damn thing everywhere. He can get his buses on his own. Why does his needs outweigh yours?!

I agree with your husband. Why should he pay for a car that he doesn’t use?

He’s right that his contribution is the petrol being paid for out of your joint account. If you have the choice to have a car or use public transport and you choose the car, it’s fine to expect you to pay for it.

Well if it’s environmental reasons, would he go the other way- if he accepts you need your wage and can’t reach work without a car - would he be up for spending more to get an electric car? Throw in that next year you’ll save up for solar panels which means while the car and panels will cost more to buy, it would be better for the environment.

just buy the car. Sounds like you need something reliable for work, you are a teacher and need to be in on time.
Needs must, I would be very resentful though going forward if I was in your shoes. Doesn’t sound much like a partnership, it’s all very well your other half have these idealistic visions, but life is full of practicalities (work, kids etc)
What’s your relationship like otherwise ?

She wants him to pay for the car. He already pays for petrol as she fills it out of the joint account. So if someone is paying half, they get a say.

Mind blown that people with shared children and a shared life actually operate finances like this.

You can charge your car at home with a home charger. Providing you have electricity to your property? Or if renting a landlord who is willing to have one installed.

Assuming you have a driveway. Millions of homes do not have a driveway.

Find a car you can afford without his contribution, accept that he's only your partner when it suits him, and make your decisions from here accordingly.

Otherwise ask him if he doesn't mind running you to work in his wheelbarrow.

Sorry just seen electric car has been discussed - you can charge from a normal plug. A friend went a year without being able to charge at home (building project) and coped fine with using public chargers, cost a bit more but still considerably less than filling up with petrol.

@LIzo1234 I take it then, that he will not be allowed to go in the car???

But her having the car gets her to work so she can pay her share of the bills. He would be a bit stuck if she couldn't get to work.....

Made me laugh.

Other option is a car loan. You will therefore have less to put in the joint account monthly.

I can't work out if this is a disagreement about finances or the morality of having a car, because I can't get my head around a family unit of 17 years standing that still talk of who pays for what!

New partners, blended families, gambling husband, getting together in middle-age, etc., I can understand separate finances but surely after decades of being a family doesn't he pays/she pays would have sort of faded away.

Not on MN from what I read on many similar posts!

Whenever you do go out in the car with him, you need to charge him the going rate. At work I can claim around 45p a mile if I use my car - charge him half, say 23p a mile.
Alternatively, tell him to sod off, buy the car and pay for it from your joint account.

Absolutely, when he pays towards an actual car, not fuel.

I think the main practical thing here is that you can maintain his stance if you live in a city, especially London (I mean, I have a car but thanks to ULEZ, the congestion and good public transport, I minimise use of it) but in rural Northumberland, not having one is going to severely limit your earnings and life. And mean at secondary that you are constantly indebted to your kids' friends parents for lifts.

It's OK to do that on your own behalf but not decide that for others. Especially your long term partner who you haven't made a proper commitment too.

Would make a good PHSE discussion though!

What would he say to an electric on lease or PCP, charged at public chargers?

What will happen when the kids want to learn to drive?!

He sounds like really hard work and I am not surprised that he doesn't like hard work!

I really hope you're joking about the wheelbarrow. If not how could you not have dumped him the first time he did that?

I would suggest that you move near to your workplace. He benefits by your location now. Why should that always be the case?