Partner won't help pay for family car

[LIzo1234]

My partner and I have been together for 17 years and have two kids together. We have a joint account and share most household bills. Recently our very old car has had to go to car heaven and we've got to get a new one. The problem is that my my partner feels that, since he doesn't need a car to get to work, as he works locally, I should pay for it.

This is partly because he doesn't like cars (for environmental reasons) but I can't get to my job without one and we need one for family holidays, weekend trips away etc.

I have spent the past two weeks researching cars (I think I could do a degree in car makes now!). I've found one that seems right. It's £12,000 which nowadays is pretty standard, if not cheap but he thinks that's too much and doesn't want to contribute.

Do you think that's fair? Am I being unreasonable in expecting that we would half the cost?

Agree with all of this.

You've got a real prince among men there.

well if he doesn't contribute towards it he gets no say in when/how it's used does he? You can do what you like with it because it's all yours, and he can get the bus.

He takes a wheelbarrow to the supermarket

WTAF? And you put up with the madness? You say he would like to live a simpler life and work less? I’d be making his life a lot simpler by getting rid of him. Can you imagine the ridicule your children may endure having a father who takes a wheelbarrow to the supermarket like the village idiot?

What you need @LIzo1234 is a Citroen Ami. Environmentally friendly, two seater (you can actually have it as a one seater) plenty of space for books etc. £99 pcm. https://www.citroen.co.uk/ami#my_ami_ami

Stuff all the other reasons, with an 11 mile commute in rural Northumberland, you need a car.

The car is a major asset of the family's which can be used in a variety of situations/emergencies.

He pays half. Same as he would if you needed an new roof or major repairs to the house.

Just wondering if he is vegan if he is that much of an environmentalist?

I live off grid and you don’t need to be that practical but do need a good set up.

I think you need to have a bigger picture discussion about money and being a united team and dealing with problems together.

This could be a slippery slope. What else do you both pay for currently that you don't use? And as public transport is not available to your workplace, how would he feel about covering ALL expenses when you can no longer get there?

I am surprised he hasn't suggested you get a cargo bike.

I think it is difficult, you need a car and that's fair enough, he has strong principles about the environment which is admirable in its own way, good for our children/GC if more people were environmentally aware. I suppose the options are

1. tell him you need to move so you both have an equal commute
2. he swallows his principles and pays towards the car
3. you buy the car but charge him for his use of it, so if you are going away for a weekend he pays some sort of economic contribution, not sure how to do it? He could pay the equivalent of train fare (trains are an environmentally friendly way to travel so no getting away with paying a coach fare) or work out hire charge for the weekend and he pays half.

He might realise how ridiculous this is and just have it as a family resource.

Sounds like he's gone down a rabbit hole to me.
In my part of the world cheap cars start around 2.5k upwards. I would buy a small car for your own use as other posters have advised.

Oh it's super cute, but as an electric car driver I would like a bit more range than 46 miles. But I get what they are saying about it being classified as a quadruped rather than a car.

It's a car required for his and his children's life. If you didn't have it you couldn't get to work so hed be financially worse off. And his children wouldmbe affected.

I would literally say "either you contribute or you're never going in it." Family holiday? We'll meet you there, which kid are you taking becuase you're still jointly responsible for your children, or you take them both and ill bring them both back. Family days out, you'll miss becuase you don't have a car. Hope you don't ever need taking to hospital love. Essentially, make him see how much he actually needs you to have a car for him to use when he needs.

Yes, this.

How do you do the family shop ?
Any extra curricular for the kids?
Does your partner drive ?

Right ok - I've just read about the wheelbarrow.

Take what I said and multiply it.

What I didn't write in my first post what that some of these men have tunnel vision. They live in their own worlds and I sensed this from your post. He's is once of those then - he has similar dedication and single-mindedness of some religious people. They mainly see their way of doing thing and everyone else is shut out.

Also - I think parents should have room for some self-expression, but he's also a dick for taking a wheelbarrow to a regular supermarket. Some kids would see your kids as number one target for bullying because of that.

I was taking his views relatively seriously until I read about the wheelbarrow! I now feel extremely sorry you are saddled with this twat…. Keep taking petrol money out of the joint account! And the tax and insurance too, given you drive the car with his kids in it… I get you can’t make him pay towards the actual car if he is vehemently against the evil things….

What Earthsight wrote earlier. WTF is he doing taking a wheelbarrow to a supermarket?. Talk about subjecting his own self, let alone you people as his family to ridicule. Please tell me you do not accompany him when he does this.

Buy a car and consider carefully your future within this relationship.

You are with Mr Wrong sadly and presumably your kids have his surname as well. Yet more power all too freely given away by you if that is the case. I dare say he had never mentioned the word marriage either.

The trouble is she would only ever be able to take one of her children with her so doesn't seem terribly practical.

If it were you and him without children he might have a point, but if you need it for the children he does have a responsibility to them. Maybe not half but he should pay something. Paying some petrol money doesn't pay for the cost and upkeep of a car, just the cost of getting somewhere. I understand his viewpoint but sometimes life isn't so clear cut.

This.

He's checked out the relationship and is putting his luxury value ahead of sanity and your job.

Say you will ban him from using the car and if you buy food using the car he is not permitted to eat that food.

sorry I haven’t RTFT so someone might have suggested this already but if he is environmentally driven have you considered an electric car? I know they are not cheap but he might be more willing to consider contributing to something that is greener.

I’m kind of in the same situation, just the other way round. I don’t need a car, would never drive it (I hate driving) but DH insists that we’re getting one. He doesn’t desperately need it for his job, but it would make some of his journeys easier. Very much in two minds if/how much I need to contribute to the costs.

YANBU

We’re a one car family, my husband has a work van that his boss pays for. I use the car daily either to get to work or transporting the kids. We also use it for family days out, holidays, etc as well as it being used for things like the supermarket trips. Anything car related comes out of the joint account so petrol, annual service, repairs, insurance and car payments before it was paid off. I will very occasionally pay for a tank of petrol out of my account if I’ve gone to visit my friend who lives a few hours away but my husband doesn’t expect that I do that and he’s happy for that trip to also come out of the joint account.

If the car is used for child/household trips then it is a joint expense regardless of if only you use it for work.

Surely he has to contribute. You need the car to get to work, the money you earn goes into the joint account that you both share. Also I think he sould be buying his food from the local market if he feels that strongly about the food miles, how does he think the food gets to the supermarket 🤔

Can you buy the car and charge him taxi rates every time he and the kids (as he has responsibility for them) uses it? I'm being obtuse obviously, but so is he.

That's mad!! He's had two kids with OP. His progeny for f..ks sake! He's a selfish entitled twat expecting his family to fall into line.
The children deserve a life worth living not to be sapped of all joy.