Is this normal? Help

[Limberinta]

I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or not. I'm currently on day 2 of holiday with my dp and kids but my dp is in a foul mood. He had an argument with a friend the day we left and has been really angry and in a horrible mood... Is that a normal reaction? Am I being insensitive or is that ott?

It is ott for him to take his annoyance with someone else out on you. Does he have form for this sort of thing?

He's not taking it out on me, thankfully. He's just in a really horrible mood and very affected

It's a female friend and that's why I'm questioning his extreme reaction to it

Have you asked him what's going on?

He just says 'nothing, I'm fine' but his mood shifted straight after fighting with her. To me, depth of feeling for someone = depth of how affected/hurt you are after a fight?

Do you think they are more than friends - and she has given him an ultimatum ?

It's a female friend and that's why I'm questioning his extreme reaction to it

I'd be questioning this as well. Alarm bells would be ringing for me.

Having a fight with a friend spoils most people's mood, no? On its own, this feels like a reach. Perhaps you have other reasons for double-guessing your husband's feelings?

No, I heard the fight, it was about something... Not trivial but not life or death by any measures. She was really angry with him being disrespectful about something is the gist and he was saying sorry then she was explaining how she felt and he said he was going and hung up on her. Me and the dc were there for it so I don't know if he felt uncomfortable or what. It was really weird on his part. And he was in a mood since. So that's why him being so affected by it seems weird to me

Yeah this is a problem. His intimacy with her has an intensity which is disturbing his connection with you.

The hour after, sure.... A few hours, absolutely. But we're supposed to be having a fun time on holiday and he's in a mood nearly 48 hours later

That makes me feel like I'm not being ridiculous, thank you

I think you need to have your eyes wide, wide open. You sense that something is not quite right, and I think you should trust those instincts.

I had a notion before you said it, that she'd be a female friend. He certainly feels different about her than he would a male friend, as its doubtful he'd be affected on hol in that case.
Did he tell you they fell out, and has he said why ( ie a BS excuse)?
Options are:
He came onto her, she rejected him.
Things have been hotting up, but she has pulled the plug as knows about you.
They've been having a thing, he's claimed there's no intimacy between you. But it's come to a head as you are holidaying together, and it's dawned on her that your relationship is more than platonic, seen through the BS and ended it.
Non of the above are good. Any way of contacting her and asking? Could be enlightening.

Some people are ruminators. I've got a friend who would be stewing for weeks on something like this. But if your guy isn't normally like that, then sure, there could be more to the story.

Everyone's relationship is different, but if my partner was obviously in a bad mood, I'd say "hey, you're obviously not fine, what's on your mind?" and we'd unpack it. But I get some guys are really not forthcoming about their feelings (especially if there's something he doesn't want to say to you).

@Opentooffers that's what the fight was

How did you know it was a female friend before I'd said it?

Because a man would not react like that over a male friend ( unless gay).

Did the subject of the argument change anything for you?

He was ranting to me afterwards how dare she speak to him like that etc. I didn't like how she spoke to him either but it still felt weird how much he was ranting afterwards

Its not normal. My ex , even when in love with me wouldnt have let me affect his mood this long, and he loved me. I will leave that with you.

I would be extremely suspicious OP. How long has he been friends with her?
If shes a childhood friend who had been heavily involved in his/your life/a then I think you probably don’t have to panic.
Alternatively if she is a recent addition to his life then I’d assume by the depth of his reaction that it’s a relationship not a friendship.

Do you know her? How often does he see her? Has he been disappearing recently? Keeping his phone with him at all times including when he goes to the toilet?
If I was in your position and it is a newish friendship I’d be having a really good think about the relevant time frame. Try and write down any instances where he has been acting suspicious, disappearing or suddenly spending lots of extra time at work or on a hobby. Work out if it’s possible that he’s been spending time with her and it has been kept from you.
I wouldn’t confront him yet. You need to think about this and get any possible evidence together. He’s not going to just admit to an affair especially if she has given him an ultimatum or ended things.
I would check credit card and bank statements, calendars, emails and his phone and social media if it’s possible to do so without him suspecting.
I think the way he is behaving is enough in itself to justify looking for evidence as you might never know the truth otherwise. Your gut instinct is telling you somethings not right and that his reaction doesn’t make sense. Like I’ve said if she’s a long standing friend who you know well too then I can sort of understand. However surely he could discuss what happened with you if this was the case.
I really feel for you. I hope that he isn’t having an affair and he’s just a huge overthinker in general. You will know the answer to my question but I can’t see this being the case unfortunately as you would have mentioned this personality trait.
Do you have a good friend you can call tomorrow or tonight? Maybe go for a walk and call them in the morning if you are awake early.
You are going to feel lots of different emotions over the next few days no matter how you chose to deal with this. Make sure you look after yourself by eating, keeping hydrated and getting as much rest as possible at night. As you’re away from home it makes things more problematic. Are you in the UK or abroad? If you are in the UK and things get too difficult because you end up confronting him (no one would blame you) maybe you could consider asking him to leave so you can have some breathing space for the rest of your time away. You can always tell the children that he had to go to work.
Sending you strength OP. I hope this can be resolved for you quickly if possible.

Yes...i think he has strong feelings therefore overly prolonged upset, like a teenager in love and their first argument.... upset lasts for days. If they arent an item theres massive emotional attachment there thats unhealthy, ive fallen out with male and female friends at times, been upset yes but not whereas it affects me days after and my family time

So that fits my depth of feeling vs depth of reaction when fighting then

You updated details about the argument whilst I was typing my post. It’s very long so apologies if some of it doesn’t apply as I replied based on the initial information you provided.

Do you think it's possible he doesn't even realise that? He's quite closed off from his feelings in general but no one seems to be able to make him angrier than her.... Or about her (someone insulted her at an event and he went apeshit, angrier than I've ever seen him)

I appreciate the effort you put into it, though, thank you

What do you think now you know what it was about?

Nah it's just coz a woman has the cheek to call him out! He can't believe a pathetic little woman would dare to.