Can I tell him over txt not interested?

[Violetroseyjane]

Oh I feel so awkward. So I went out drinking with friends a couple weeks back, met a guy we had a chat some laughs and swapped numbers & kissed at the end of the evening.
He actually knew one of my friends boyfriends and my friend was like oh now we can double date , hes so sweet etc.
I just said let's not get carried away, but agreed to meet up with him for a coffee.
I agreed to meet with him yesterday, as soon as I locked eyes on him I knew .... he really really is not someone I would be attracted too normally, but thought I'd give him a chance ( I must of had serious beer goggles on when I kissed him ) 🙈
He was a perfectly nice man, however we had no spark, bad conversation and I am not one bit attracted to this mans personality or his looks.
Turns out we have nothing in common at all and he is also 15 years older than myself.
I was still polite throughout the date , tried to make conversation then we went our separate ways.
This morning my friend msg me saying that "ben" had the most amazing time and has told all thier friend group about me. He then msg me this morning calling me his girlfriend and putting love in the msg.
I really now have serious ick here.
I do not want to see this man again!
Is it ok to let him down through txt? What shall I say? I really dont want to hurt his feelings but I know he is not the man for me .I need to do it sooner rather than later as he is trying to organise a 2nd date 😏

God how awkward! Normally no to the text but you don’t really owe him a face-to-face given how casual it all was and that he has gone a bit batshit-full-on.

I think I’d fire back a quick “Ben I had a nice time yesterday (lie) but I don’t want to pursue this any further.” Just rip off the band-aid quick before he goes telling too many more people. I wouldn’t get into reasons (unless pressed) or offering to be friends (doesn’t sound like a good idea anyway). If either he or your friend pressure you, just say: nothing in common and too big an age gap and you don’t want to discuss it further.

good luck- do it soon!

What @Peachy2005 said is perfect! Do that and do it fast 🤣

Definitely by text is fine. I’d text back something like “Hi Ben, thanks for the coffee date. I don’t see us as compatible in a relationship but wishing you all the best for the future”.

Text is fine, and what @Peachy2005 said to say!

Definitely text us fine after only one date. Don’t go into too much detail and don’t get drawn into a discussion.

What @Peachy2005 said is perfect.

Text is fine.

I'd also wonder what your friend has been saying to him. Wouldn't be surprised if she's exaggerating how interested you are in him. She seems overly invested here.

Dear lord how off putting of him. Short direct text absolutely acceptable.

Send the text asap.

I would be feeling suffocated already.

Agree with everyone else, text is fine after 1 date. Do it asap and then you don't have to think about it anymore

Text is absolutely fine after one date, he's been way too full on!!

Great suggestions above although I think fine to say you feel more of a friendly vibe if you have people in common anyway if that feels more comfortable.

And do not suggest being friends!

Thanks for your response, it is all seriously awkward!! But I'm going to take on board what you said about rip the band aid off quickly!!

She Is seriously invested and kind if set it up that he sat next to me that evening etc, another friend has just told me this 😂 she may up being more disappointed than him!

God this man makes me cringe. I agree with the others just txt him and get rid of him asap. And don't let your mate talk into giving him another chance.

Isn't it weird how Ben had the most amazing time but the op just didn't?

Totally different perspectives of the same event.

Yes it's fine to do it by text. At this point you don't owe him anything other than a polite turn down. It's not your fault that he's got overexcited. Do it sooner rather than later.

Definitely text him - I wouldn’t want to risk him misunderstanding if you set up a meeting…

@Violetroseyjane

Definitely @Peachy2005's suggestion, particularly this:

Just rip off the band-aid quick before he goes telling too many more people.

I'm sure your friend who set you up was being thoughtful but you might need to give her a heads up about not matchmaking for you in future. 🌹

Haha. Yes! Or like that "you have not been successful on this occasion but best of luck in your future endeavours". 😆

I used to like to say that ‘I didn’t feel there was enough chemistry between us’ if I wanted to let someone down gently. It’s truthful and it gets you out of baldly stating that you didn’t fancy them, while making it clear that you didn’t fancy them.

“Please do not apply for this vacancy again”

Oh Gawd! Even more awkward. So I've been planning on texting him but havent stopped all day, work, school run, kids swimming lessons etc. Thought ok I'll do it as soon as I get in the door. Then he txts... I've been smiling like a cheshire cat today , told my sister and mum about you ... I feel really awful now, where do I go from here??

You have to tell him straight away. Dragging it out will make it harder.

Hes love bombing already - it’s not a good sign.

Just send a text saying you had a nice time but you don’t feel the same way. Don’t apologise and don’t get into a discussion

Tbh you need to tell him how ott this is and that you had one date and this has really put you off going out again.

I'd say it seems like X(friend) has given him the wrong impression here which you'll be taking up with her but while he is a pleasant person you really are not interested in pursuing a relationship.

And you do not need to feel guilty or awful.
He is not entitled to you!