Can I tell him over txt not interested?

[Violetroseyjane]

Oh I feel so awkward. So I went out drinking with friends a couple weeks back, met a guy we had a chat some laughs and swapped numbers & kissed at the end of the evening.
He actually knew one of my friends boyfriends and my friend was like oh now we can double date , hes so sweet etc.
I just said let's not get carried away, but agreed to meet up with him for a coffee.
I agreed to meet with him yesterday, as soon as I locked eyes on him I knew .... he really really is not someone I would be attracted too normally, but thought I'd give him a chance ( I must of had serious beer goggles on when I kissed him ) 🙈
He was a perfectly nice man, however we had no spark, bad conversation and I am not one bit attracted to this mans personality or his looks.
Turns out we have nothing in common at all and he is also 15 years older than myself.
I was still polite throughout the date , tried to make conversation then we went our separate ways.
This morning my friend msg me saying that "ben" had the most amazing time and has told all thier friend group about me. He then msg me this morning calling me his girlfriend and putting love in the msg.
I really now have serious ick here.
I do not want to see this man again!
Is it ok to let him down through txt? What shall I say? I really dont want to hurt his feelings but I know he is not the man for me .I need to do it sooner rather than later as he is trying to organise a 2nd date 😏

God the texts are creepy. Hard no!

It's still the same answer. You just text him you're not interested.

It's not your problem that he's keen.

There may even be something a bit sinister behind his behaviour: it may be that he's trying to push or rush you into something, basically lovebombing and trying to make you feel beholden.

Either way, you're not interested so just be kind but firm.

Blimey, steady on Ben, it was one coffee!!

This guy is full on weird!!

Text him now!!!

Oh gosh, one drunken snog and a coffee date and he’s telling his mum about you 🙈 deffo need to politely shut him down quickly.

Say the same as suggested earlier. He sounds way too OTT! It would give me the ick too.

You text back as soon as it's convenient, 'This is awkward! I'm a bit taken aback at how full on you are, Ben and how fast you seem to be moving. I'm not your girlfriend and although it was nice to meet up with you for a coffee I won't be seeing you again. All the best'.

Band aid now! You are not responsible for his over enthusiastic sharing.

And have a word with the friend, she needs to quit the pushing. And give her a few well worded directions for if she is playing Cupid again.

The man is an idiot! Too much too soon. I’d text back something along the lines of Greywitch’s suggestion. And I think I’d be messaging your friend too and tell her you have seriously got the ick at how everyone has rushed things and you won’t be seeing Ben again, not even as a friend.

Oh come on. You had time to post on MN it not to take 30 seconds to text him. Don't be a dick.

Just text back now.

What @Peachy2005 said

The longer you keep delaying the harder it is to sent that text. Just send it.

Why the delay in shutting this down? Stop any drama.

Advice still stands, rip off the bandaid NOW!! It’s a shame you waited but that’s spilt milk! At this point, I would modify with the text suggested by @Greywitch2 but It doesn’t matter what you say as much as just getting it done!

Let us know how it goes!!

Yes. Fuck this guy. Why’s he calling you his gf, does he just get to decide that without any input from you?
He’s got shit convo and he’s 15 years older than you, no wonder he’s trying to latch on whilst he can. One date and he’s telling his mum, sister and his entire friendship group within 12 hours. No. Has he asked at any point at all how you feel or is it just his feelings that matter.
if actually be so annoyed

So you've had one date and one kiss and he's already calling you his girlfriend and telling you he's told everyone about you? He's lovebombing you OP, it is manipulative behaviour. He is not concerned with how you feel, with getting any feedback from you about the date and has no consideration for your boundaries here.

You do not want to see him again so carry on with your planned text to let him down. Do not be strong armed into a relationship you do not want.

Send this, it's perfect. Do it now before it gets any worse!

🤮

I'd be annoyed too!

To quote that useful Mumsnet phrase:

He sounds unhinged!

However nicely you put it you can't say no without hurting his feelings to some extent so the sooner you do it the better. He barely knows you and he will get over it.

Thanks for all of your advice. I told him.
I said it was nice to meet him, however I'm not interested in taking it any further & wished him luck in finding someone that is. Take care... he then tried ringing me 🤣 I ignored the call. But atkeast I know it's all done now ! Phew this has put me off dating or meeting anyone!!

And now he's phoned you. Gosh. I hope he doesn't persist. It's a bit creepy.

@Violetroseyjane fair play. Look you were fair and let him know. I hope you meet someone more your type soon.

Dating these days comes in extremes stalking to ghosting and dodgy pictures in between 😉

I did reply straight after I updated mumsnet , I was just giving everyone an update , not a dick honest 🤣 I've seriously never experienced anything like this ! And normally I'd chat to my mate about these sort of things but shes hos mate too! 😄 all done now. Hopefully that is the end of that