Can I tell him over txt not interested?

[Violetroseyjane]

Oh I feel so awkward. So I went out drinking with friends a couple weeks back, met a guy we had a chat some laughs and swapped numbers & kissed at the end of the evening.
He actually knew one of my friends boyfriends and my friend was like oh now we can double date , hes so sweet etc.
I just said let's not get carried away, but agreed to meet up with him for a coffee.
I agreed to meet with him yesterday, as soon as I locked eyes on him I knew .... he really really is not someone I would be attracted too normally, but thought I'd give him a chance ( I must of had serious beer goggles on when I kissed him ) 🙈
He was a perfectly nice man, however we had no spark, bad conversation and I am not one bit attracted to this mans personality or his looks.
Turns out we have nothing in common at all and he is also 15 years older than myself.
I was still polite throughout the date , tried to make conversation then we went our separate ways.
This morning my friend msg me saying that "ben" had the most amazing time and has told all thier friend group about me. He then msg me this morning calling me his girlfriend and putting love in the msg.
I really now have serious ick here.
I do not want to see this man again!
Is it ok to let him down through txt? What shall I say? I really dont want to hurt his feelings but I know he is not the man for me .I need to do it sooner rather than later as he is trying to organise a 2nd date 😏

Little update ...He did get in touch again, sent a txt saying I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm absolutely gutted, I'm so emotional & really fell for you. Can we be friends?

Whoa!!! Good job you did rip the plaster off, I foresaw you getting absolutely railroaded there. He really fell for you? That's love bombing deluxe. So now you're supposed to feel so guilty you'll give him a chance. Noping that one.

Glad your friend sees it the same way.

I agree, I believe it was the beginning of love bombing too.
So glad to be out of it !

'Little update ...He did get in touch again, sent a txt saying I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm absolutely gutted, I'm so emotional & really fell for you. Can we be friends?'

Send him this and the words FUCK OFF

I have visions of you singing to him now, OP.

The problem with asking 'Can we be friends?' after telling you that he is emotional and fell die you after one meet up is that he will be a constant nuisance and wreck any future romance with anyone else under the pretence of only being nice as you're friends.

Oh gosh. This man js too much. Better not to have any contact with him and when you have to in some gatherings just be very short and blunt with him and do t give him any space to try anything.

Well handled OP

The link to the vid wont work

Don’t do this, how horrible.

You could just say “it’s probably best we don’t hang out as it could get in the way of you meeting someone new, but maybe see you around!”

Or, if you don’t want to say that, just don’t reply at all.

But there is no need to be mean. Not unless he actually gets nasty.

Harsh! She probably wants to sit down and compose it properly. Even though he’s being far too forward and presumptuous, she might still want to let him down sensitively and not just send a flippant text. They’ve got mutual friends for a start.

OMG! This would have me running for the hills! Text him immediately, PP's suggestions are fine but DO. IT. NOW. The longer you leave it, the worse it's going to get.

RTFT

I actually see this as a red flag (especially as he's obviously not young and naïve) - he's trying to make it difficult for you to back out by telling everyone about you; and the 'making it way too serious too fast' is verging on love-bombing. All narcissistic traits.
No explanation required, no 'there's no chemistry', because he'll say there are more important parts to a relationship than that, and you'll get dragged into really having to explain yourself, and then you'll be the bad guy for having to be so blunt.
You owe him nothing. He's seriously overstepped the mark and is purposefully trying to manipulate you into a situation that it's hard to get out of.
I'd do as first comment said - a simple 'Thanks for the coffee, but I'm not interested in taking this any further. Wish you the best.'
If he responds to ask why, ignore him.

I don't think he's a narcissistic - just super soppy 🤢. Doesn't get boundaries either. He thinks a snog = relationship.

You've done what you needed to do nice and early 😅

Yeah this is creepy af, telling his Mum and Sister about you after ONE coffee! Don't be friends as he'll always be hoping he can manouever it into a relationship by love bombing you, being an emotional crutch etc etc

As a general comment, in these circs I think text is safer than face to face.

There’s lovebombing there. There’s no way he can be so sure of his own feelings, never mind yours.

He then msg me this morning calling me his girlfriend and putting love in the msg.

I've been smiling like a cheshire cat today , told my sister and mum about you

Woah that is far too full on! And not your problem he has told his family! I think a firm but kind text is fine after just one date.

Hi Ben, I'm really sorry but I have to be honest because I don't want to string you along or cause unnecessary hurt. You seem like a lovely person and I know [friend] has only good things to say about you but I just don't feel the same way unfortunately and I don't want to take things any further. I'm sorry I know that's not what you wanted to hear and I really do wish you all the best.

THIS - in addition to perhaps blocking the number and making sure he does not know your address or can get it.

Have a word with your matey over the level of creepiness “Ben” had displayed and recommend she doesn’t set up anything again 🤣

Hi Ben, you’re a great guy and I really enjoy your company but I just don’t think the chemistry is right between us.

my go to line. Nobody can argue with that and it’s straightforward, kind and polite.

RTFT

He isn't a great guy.

He's manipulative and overstepped his mark.

I've had two stalkers in my lifetime and the police told me you cannot be nice and polite as they will misconstrue it and you have to be as blunt as possible when someone is giving you unwanted attention.

Being nice and calling him a great guy gives him hope.

He's happy to push the boundaries and make you squirm so please don't have any qualms about telling him that you are not remotely interested in him and then blocking.

i ended a marriage via whatsapp so ending a one-date non-relationship is totally do-able and i hope you've done it?

i think joey tribbiani's advice works "be a guy. stop calling" (or something like that)

best of luck with it. hope he's got the message. you've dodged a massive bullet so hooray for that seriously.

He fell for you after one coffee that you found boring? He's cringe beyond belief.

I agree. A previous commented stating you had a good time or enjoyed yourself. I wouldn't say this as he could then come back with why can't we continue then. Needs to be short and to the point.